Oh shit, son! Poisonous mushrooms all over the place!

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Mmm! sure looks like some tasty mushrooms. I better eat them before they go bad- no wait a minute! I don't know what species of mushroom that is, or anything about it other than that it has something under its parasol-like cap.

Hey that reminds me... That's a poisonous mushroom! I remember that description, so avoid mushrooms that have the weird thing under the parasol-queer-looking cap. White ring my ass! More like one of the most poisonous mushroom in the known mushroom world.


"Ahh, hey this looks good enough" is what you're thinking, but look again. Look closer. Are there any signs of bites from insects? Yes? Then stay away from it.

Heads up, we have a mushroom that looks like a weird piece of shit, and it is. This mushroom is a no-go, and it's distinctive characteristics such as: wrinkled irregular cap, with a bottom that hangs about free. It took me a while to understand this, but after an hour I realized that if you look at the caps downside, you can spot something white and that must be what it's talking about I mean come on.

Alright alright alright time to eat something, I mean, you must be getting hungry. Eat Big white balls of mushrooms.
Makes you healthy, makes you strong. Fry (maybe even deep fry) these fuckers and bon apetit

"If your chanterelle is tall with jagged gills, it may be a Jack O' Lantern, which is poisonous. If you're not sure, leave it alone."
anyway
Spoiler
Can you say delicious?
"soft to the touch, and are usually found in clusters growing on wood, usually during warmer months"
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/sauteed-oyster-mushrooms-351872
Oh la la!

"Best of all, like Puffballs, the Hen of the Woods has no look-alikes that are poisonous, so if you see one, it's a relatively safe bet"
"Sounds great! Wait, what are Hen of the Woods?"
-you
Easyyyyylooks absolutely disgusting
There we go!
This looks like a chicken kebab, much more appetizing
"These mushrooms can grow remarkably large, up to 100 lbs. Break off the soft and tender parts for a treat that can feed you for days" Sounds too good to be true in my experience with mushrooms
Spoiler
Literally only minecraft and me seeing images of mushrooms along with actual mushrooms on trees. Oh, I once ate some mushroom on a pizza

Since I love this mushroom, I'll add much more about it; how can you not? " Hen-of-the-woods mushrooms are described as “fall” mushrooms, but they can be found as early as late August, and as late as November."
"To harvest a “hen,” use a long knife to cut the main stem just above the ground."
"If you find a hen-of-the-woods, note the spot because they often grow in the same location year after year."
The caps start out darker when young and fade to a lighter gray or yellow. The edges of the caps often remain a darker color.

near residential areas and at the edge of the woods

Since the stem is very tough only slice off the caps for cooking. They should be young and firm, not dry, old, or mushy like the picture to the left

"Once you have clean maitake (hen of the woods) mushroom caps there's no limit to how you can cook them! They can be stir fried, baked, sauteed, stuffed, or made into a tea."
Here's the chicken of the forest, which is not edible


I'm starting to think this is a bit too much info, so maybe I'll stop... or maybe I'll just make another thread!


Onion | Elite Four Invincible!
 
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what the fuck


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what the fuck
Great response, it really captures the level of your intelligence; still, please stay away from me if that's all you've to offer.


 
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
So which ones make me hallucinate?


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‘The most inoffensive user on this website’ - Verbatim
<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Last Edit: March 15, 2015, 09:24:00 AM by Zonda


 
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You will find out who you are not a thousand times, before you ever discover who you are. I hope you find peace in yourself and learn to love instead of hate.
Inb4 Nasty eats the mushroom and sends the video to me on sbapchat


 
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I started liking mushrooms around 2013


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.


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<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Please do, because nobody here is 8, other than you, and thus we're unable to "insert a comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros" on our own. Please do though.


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I started liking mushrooms around 2013
What an unspecific, and ambiguous reply.


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This is my thread and I will defend it.


 
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I started liking mushrooms around 2013
What an unspecific, and ambiguous reply.
It's the truth


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‘The most inoffensive user on this website’ - Verbatim
<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Please do, because nobody here is 8, other than you, and thus we're unable to "insert a comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros" on our own. Please do though.
I was just having difficulties with the image function, and was too lazy to fix my comment properly. Thus, I scrapped the entire thing. I genuinely apologize if my actions have offended you this greatly as to merit such a barbed response, because clearly you're in an impaired mental state where absolutely everything is an affront to your existence.


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<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Please do, because nobody here is 8, other than you, and thus we're unable to "insert a comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros" on our own. Please do though.
I was just having difficulties with the image function, and was too lazy to fix my comment properly. Thus, I scrapped the entire thing. I genuinely apologize if my actions have offended you this greatly as to merit such a barbed response, because clearly you're in an impaired mental state where absolutely everything is an affront to your existence.
Someone's taking it to the extreme. Maybe relax and try to see why I'm mad at you? A childish reference (or not I'll never know), and you don't contribute.

Blame whatever you want, but chances are that the original thing you'd have posted would have made me angrier, just as angry, or less angry.



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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.

if you want 3 to 4 intelligible responses, request this be posted to news 


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.

if you want 3 to 4 intelligible responses, request this be posted to news
Please post this on newgrounds.com or 4chan.org or Bugie.neT
or Halo.com or MC.com or MCC.com


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‘The most inoffensive user on this website’ - Verbatim
<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Please do, because nobody here is 8, other than you, and thus we're unable to "insert a comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros" on our own. Please do though.
I was just having difficulties with the image function, and was too lazy to fix my comment properly. Thus, I scrapped the entire thing. I genuinely apologize if my actions have offended you this greatly as to merit such a barbed response, because clearly you're in an impaired mental state where absolutely everything is an affront to your existence.
Someone's taking it to the extreme. Maybe relax and try to see why I'm mad at you? A childish reference (or not I'll never know), and you don't contribute.

Blame whatever you want, but chances are that the original thing you'd have posted would have made me angrier, just as angry, or less angry.

>implying I need to relax

I like to think my original intended reply was quite witty. You clearly struggle with simple concepts such as sarcasm if you're this frustrated at a simple reply on an internet forum. I really don't see how I can take a topic seriously enough to contribute, when "oh shit son" is in the title. It's basically a written invitation to shitpost. I expected a better sense of humor from you.


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.

if you want 3 to 4 intelligible responses, request this be posted to news
Please post this on newgrounds.com or 4chan.org

that would actually be pretty fun

I'm a bit busy at the moment, but you should


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.

if you want 3 to 4 intelligible responses, request this be posted to news
Please post this on newgrounds.com or 4chan.org

that would actually be pretty fun

I'm a bit busy at the moment, but you should
But I'm not autistic...


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.

if you want 3 to 4 intelligible responses, request this be posted to news
Please post this on newgrounds.com or 4chan.org

that would actually be pretty fun

I'm a bit busy at the moment, but you should
But I'm not autistic...

oh? I forgot

the Alzheimer's is coming back with a vengeance
Last Edit: March 15, 2015, 10:10:42 AM by Jocephalopod


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<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Please do, because nobody here is 8, other than you, and thus we're unable to "insert a comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros" on our own. Please do though.
I was just having difficulties with the image function, and was too lazy to fix my comment properly. Thus, I scrapped the entire thing. I genuinely apologize if my actions have offended you this greatly as to merit such a barbed response, because clearly you're in an impaired mental state where absolutely everything is an affront to your existence.
Someone's taking it to the extreme. Maybe relax and try to see why I'm mad at you? A childish reference (or not I'll never know), and you don't contribute.

Blame whatever you want, but chances are that the original thing you'd have posted would have made me angrier, just as angry, or less angry.

>implying I need to relax

I like to think my original intended reply was quite witty. You clearly struggle with simple concepts such as sarcasm if you're this frustrated at a simple reply on an internet forum. I really don't see how I can take a topic seriously enough to contribute, when "oh shit son" is in the title. It's basically a written invitation to shitpost. I expected a better sense of humor from you.
Problem is, as stated previously, I will never know how good your OP was, as it weren't posted. Where is the sarcasm? And no, only retards would assume that because this post has that kind of language it's an invitation to such things.

In my eyes, you're the person that comes to my stand up comedy and tries to tell jokes yourself. You're ruining the night for me, and just because it said "comedy night" doesn't mean you're allowed to do as you want to.


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.

if you want 3 to 4 intelligible responses, request this be posted to news
Please post this on newgrounds.com or 4chan.org

that would actually be pretty fun

I'm a bit busy at the moment, but you should
But I'm not autistic...

oh? I forgot

the Alzheimer's is coming back with a vengeance
lol wtf you'r a dog


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can you stop lying? I always eat chicken of the sea tuna, so chicken of the forest is just as edible
I don't get it... There's nothing funny about that comment, and I fail to see anything intelligible.

if you want 3 to 4 intelligible responses, request this be posted to news
Please post this on newgrounds.com or 4chan.org

that would actually be pretty fun

I'm a bit busy at the moment, but you should
But I'm not autistic...

oh? I forgot

the Alzheimer's is coming back with a vengeance
lol wtf you'r a dog

sometimes I forget what I am



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‘The most inoffensive user on this website’ - Verbatim
<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Please do, because nobody here is 8, other than you, and thus we're unable to "insert a comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros" on our own. Please do though.
I was just having difficulties with the image function, and was too lazy to fix my comment properly. Thus, I scrapped the entire thing. I genuinely apologize if my actions have offended you this greatly as to merit such a barbed response, because clearly you're in an impaired mental state where absolutely everything is an affront to your existence.
Someone's taking it to the extreme. Maybe relax and try to see why I'm mad at you? A childish reference (or not I'll never know), and you don't contribute.

Blame whatever you want, but chances are that the original thing you'd have posted would have made me angrier, just as angry, or less angry.

>implying I need to relax

I like to think my original intended reply was quite witty. You clearly struggle with simple concepts such as sarcasm if you're this frustrated at a simple reply on an internet forum. I really don't see how I can take a topic seriously enough to contribute, when "oh shit son" is in the title. It's basically a written invitation to shitpost. I expected a better sense of humor from you.
Problem is, as stated previously, I will never know how good your OP was, as it weren't posted. Where is the sarcasm? And no, only retards would assume that because this post has that kind of language it's an invitation to such things.

In my eyes, you're the person that comes to my stand up comedy and tries to tell jokes yourself. You're ruining the night for me, and just because it said "comedy night" doesn't mean you're allowed to do as you want to.

Well you told the biggest joke of the night if you think being the OP makes you the one who decides to allow certain members to comment. Truly, I applaud your antics. However, your analogy of the Comedy is inaccurate, when the entirety of the Internet is but a playground. You really should learn to accept posts that are designed to compliment the nature of the OP, not compete with it.


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The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.
Mushrooms are weird


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Captain Teemo on duty


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Mushrooms are weird
I azure you they're not.

jajajajaja

but honestly, it's like anything. With any field of things, anything is weird until logic is presented in the form of knowledge that helps you define things.

Heck, you do weird things like walking everyday. Walking is so absurd that I've no idea how I can even begin to talk about it in a way where I inform you. I could talk about how the shifting of weights make it all work, but I wouldn't be able to talk about the most important part of it all; the brain. Your brain does a lot of calculations when you walk, so much so that I'm amazed that it's able to do it.


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<insert comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros. here>
Please do, because nobody here is 8, other than you, and thus we're unable to "insert a comment about Mushroom from Super Mario Bros" on our own. Please do though.
I was just having difficulties with the image function, and was too lazy to fix my comment properly. Thus, I scrapped the entire thing. I genuinely apologize if my actions have offended you this greatly as to merit such a barbed response, because clearly you're in an impaired mental state where absolutely everything is an affront to your existence.
Someone's taking it to the extreme. Maybe relax and try to see why I'm mad at you? A childish reference (or not I'll never know), and you don't contribute.

Blame whatever you want, but chances are that the original thing you'd have posted would have made me angrier, just as angry, or less angry.

>implying I need to relax

I like to think my original intended reply was quite witty. You clearly struggle with simple concepts such as sarcasm if you're this frustrated at a simple reply on an internet forum. I really don't see how I can take a topic seriously enough to contribute, when "oh shit son" is in the title. It's basically a written invitation to shitpost. I expected a better sense of humor from you.
Problem is, as stated previously, I will never know how good your OP was, as it weren't posted. Where is the sarcasm? And no, only retards would assume that because this post has that kind of language it's an invitation to such things.

In my eyes, you're the person that comes to my stand up comedy and tries to tell jokes yourself. You're ruining the night for me, and just because it said "comedy night" doesn't mean you're allowed to do as you want to.

Well you told the biggest joke of the night if you think being the OP makes you the one who decides to allow certain members to comment. Truly, I applaud your antics. However, your analogy of the Comedy is inaccurate, when the entirety of the Internet is but a playground. You really should learn to accept posts that are designed to compliment the nature of the OP, not compete with it.
If that were the case I'd have reported you. Please think before you type. Oh really? A playground you say? Tell me, what's the difference between the internet and the real life? To me, real life is a play ground, but internet is not. You can have your whole life destroyed by someone skilled with computers who gets a bit annoyed by you.


How very narrow-minded, and childish of you.
In real life, the effort would be too much and there are too many witnesses and counter measures.