So I visited America last year

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>traveling across US
>invited by two friends in NY to have dinner in restaurant
>waiter comes to the table
>"What can I get for you gentlemen this evening?"
>I order a vegetable platter and a small bowl of olive oil
>first friend orders cheese burger with freedom fries, and a 12oz liberty steak with extra mashed potatoes
>second friend orders full rack of independence ribs, pulled pork sammie, macaroni and cheese, and deep fried patriot pickles
>15 min later waiter returns with their food
>friend asks me if I want to try a fry, say sure, grab one and gently pour ketchup onto it
>he looks at me in confusion and asks me what I'm doing
>starts pounding bottle of ketchup into a separate bowl he requested
>empties another one into the bowl
>asks the waiter for a third bottle and empties it into the bowl
>grabs a handfull of fries, oil dripping down his arm as he squeezes them
>making airplane noises BRRRRRRM, WOOOOOOOO, VOOOOOSH
>dunks them into the bowl of ketchup, entire fist is stained red
>has to forcefully shove them into his mouth as to make sure none of them drop
>tells me "that's how ain't no faggot eats sum fries"
>other friend says "praise jesus" and starts clapping
>soon the entire restaurant is clapping
>waiter comes back with the food I ordered
>soggy, dripping pizza margherita and a small bowl of olive oil
>"I ordered a vegetable platter, not a pizza... that's not what I wanted..."
>"Oh, I'm sorry. How about a fruit salad?" he said while holding up a cherry flavored lollipop
>first friend is laughing while disgusting chunks of french fry evacuate from his mouth
>man in 10 gallon hat walks up to our table and starts shooting revolvers into the ceiling of the restaurant screaming "YEEE HAW" repeatedly
>eagle bursts through the ceiling and takes my oil

Post your experiences in the land of the fat.


i am karjala takaisin | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Now he's just gay
>fly to the UK for a road trip with some friends
>only airline food available is lukewarm larger, cold tea and stale crumpets
>attempt to ask for better food, flight attendant threatens to smack me in the gobber
>no in-flight movie available, forced to watch 6-hour Top Gear marathon instead
>headphones not working, flight staff decide to play the audio through loudspeaker
>6 hours of Jeremy Clarkson yelling about muslims
>order some reading material to distract myself from all the subliminal messages telling me that england prevails
>all they have is daily mail
>frontpage headline: "PARLIAMENT VOTES TO BE ANNEXED BY SAUDI ARABIA, PRINCE CHARLES IS AN ALIEN"
>subliminal messages from Top Gear finally take effect
>British passengers fly into a frenzy, gang up on the one guy wearing a turban
>turban man tries to explain that he is a Sikh
>they don't listen, beat him to a bloody pulp
>scottish passenger screams "ALBA GU BRACHT!" at the top of his lungs, rips the Sikh gentleman's chest cavity open and uses his blood to paint a gaelic tribal tartan on his face
>some of the blood accidentally splashes on my forehead
>order a towel to wipe it off
>suddenly: "OI! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"
>passengers start to attack me
>i make a run for the washroom
>scramble inside, lock door behind me
>passengers have gone into all-out celtic/saxon multicultural berserker rage
>they pound on the door with all their strength
>fish around in my pockets for anything to hold them off
>find spare toothbrush
>slide it under the door
>they take one look and disperse, fleeing back to their seats to watch more top gear
>hide in the bathroom until landing
>arrive at london airport around 11AM
>everyone starts disembarking
>i wait until they're gone, then quickly make my way off the plane
>see friend holding up a sign with my name on it
>last name has a lower case t in it
>police arrive
>charge friend a 500 pound fine for offensive belittling of religious symbol
>suddenly they see his nametag
>has a lower case c in it
>police think it's a crescent moon
>mace my friend, drag him off to prison for islamophobia
>have to take the bus to reach my hotel
>bus is full of chavs skipping school
>they all blast various sex pistols tracks from their iphones
>insist on singing out loud in thick cockney accents
>pull a knife on me when i ask them to stop
>move up to the front of the bus
>bus driver is drinking gin straight from the bottle
>"umm excuse me sir...isn't it dangerous to drive under the influence?"
>"U WOT M8?"
>bus driver downs gin on one swig, breaks the empty bottle against the dashboard and attempts to stab me
>nothing but a plastic water bottle to defend myself with
>wave it out in front of me
>bus driver becomes terrified, flees by jumping out one of the windows
>bus swerves wildly
>small indian man in a business suit jumps forward to catch the wheel
>we narrowly avoid hitting a lamp post
>chavs enjoy the ride, begin singing "anarchy in the UK" in unison
>one chav begins to hold hands with his pregnant 15-year-old girlfriend
>muslim at the back of the bus sees them, becomes outraged
>pulls out a scimitar, beheads the brave indian fellow
>takes off his jacket to reveal a huge bomb strapped to his chest
>"I WILL SEND ALL YOU SINNERS TO ALLAH!"
>suddenly, scottish guy from the plane appears from the back of the bus
>kicks muslim in the balls so hard he breaks his toe
>bus swerves wildly
>I ask if anyone knows how to drive
>no one even has a license
>bus crashes into a post office
>i am the only survivor
>crawl out of the wreckage
>police arrive
>see that I have read hair, assume that I'm with the IRA
>spend the night in jail
>go to court the next day
>judge is drinking gin from the bottle, jury is full of teenage chavs
>judge slurs "thish irish man was-"
>jury immediately votes guilty
>judge passes out
>sentenced to 20 years in prison
>apply for parole
>they ask if I'm sorry for what I've done
>I say yes
>they shorten my sentence by 17 years
>give me a cell to myself
>pristine white hot tub, cable TV and internet access
>try to watch some porn to pass the time
>knife shoots out of the computer screen
>castrates me
>I writhe on the floor in pain
>coppers take me to the emergency room
>spend 2 weeks on waiting list
>they cauterize my wound with boiling whisky
>ask me if I'd like to drink the leftovers
>I politely decline
>suddenly they realize I'm not Irish
>receive royal pardon
>get to fly home in first class
>police drive me to the airport
>suddenly, alien mothership appears over london
>viewscreen lowers
>it's prince charles
>he orders that all life on earth be exterminated
>hear some weird noises


UK, never again.


 
Mat Cauthon
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And I'm here eating potatoes and sending bombs to the british.


clum clum | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Mr. Psychologist
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<.<
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.


Kinder Graham | Respected Invincible!
 
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Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
Why the hell do you think I've never gone on foreign vacations? I'd fucking love to travel to Germany, Turkey, Dubai, and Italy but ain't dealing with TSgay


Kinder Graham | Respected Invincible!
 
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>new york
>cowboy hat

lolwut


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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Mr. Psychologist
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<.<
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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R o c k e t | Mythic Smash Master
 
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I neither fear, nor despise.
Geez these are too long to read :/
But yeah the U.S.A isn't that bad.

TSA isn't that bad either, if you've got nothing to hide


i am karjala takaisin | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Ember used to be cool and funny

Now he's just gay
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
you should come; everyone who enters the us for the first time gets a free 12 gauge fully automatic shotgun and a mountain dew drinking hat


Girl of Mystery | Mythic Unfrigginbelievable!
 
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A flower which blooms on the battlefield
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
Go to Mexico and then jump the fence with the Aliens.


 
 
Mr. Psychologist
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<.<
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>


 
 
Mr. Psychologist
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<.<
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
you should come; everyone who enters the us for the first time gets a free 12 gauge fully automatic shotgun and a mountain dew drinking hat

Sold!


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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i am karjala takaisin | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Ember used to be cool and funny

Now he's just gay
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
yosemite is in commiefornia

of course you would want to go there


 
 
Mr. Psychologist
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<.<
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
KILLAFORNIA NIGGA

Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
yosemite is in commiefornia

of course you would want to go there

Haha, all the rampant socialism and communism must be subliminally calling to me then.


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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i am karjala takaisin | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Ember used to be cool and funny

Now he's just gay
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
yosemite is in commiefornia

of course you would want to go there
West coast is the best coast.
YouTube

i prefer the weast coast


Kinder Graham | Respected Invincible!
 
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TUNNEL SNAKES RULE
(ง ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)ง
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
Come to Virginia and I can show you around the places your ancestors used to own and where they surrendered like figs :p


Girl of Mystery | Mythic Unfrigginbelievable!
 
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A flower which blooms on the battlefield
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
Come to Virginia and I can show you around the places your ancestors used to own and where they surrendered like figs :p
Will you then sue him for thousands of dollars?


Kinder Graham | Respected Invincible!
 
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TUNNEL SNAKES RULE
(ง ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)ง
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
Come to Virginia and I can show you around the places your ancestors used to own and where they surrendered like figs :p
Will you then sue him for thousands of dinars?
ftfy


i am karjala takaisin | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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9,190 posts
Ember used to be cool and funny

Now he's just gay
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
Come to Virginia and I can show you around the places your ancestors used to own and where they surrendered like figs :p
Will you then sue him for thousands of dollars?
if not millions?


Girl of Mystery | Mythic Unfrigginbelievable!
 
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A flower which blooms on the battlefield
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
Come to Virginia and I can show you around the places your ancestors used to own and where they surrendered like figs :p
Will you then sue him for thousands of dinars?
ftfy
That triggered me.
I'll see you in Court, buddy.


Kinder Graham | Respected Invincible!
 
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TUNNEL SNAKES RULE
(ง ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)ง
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
Come to Virginia and I can show you around the places your ancestors used to own and where they surrendered like figs :p
Will you then sue him for thousands of dinars?
ftfy
That triggered me.
I'll see you in Court, buddy.
will there be dancing lobsters?


Girl of Mystery | Mythic Unfrigginbelievable!
 
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A flower which blooms on the battlefield
Visiting the USA isn't worth going through the TSA.
It's made out to be far worse than it really is. You should definitely visit if you can.

I would like to go someday <.<
Which state?

Undecided really, although wherever Yosemite park is is where I'd probably like to go the most >.>
Come to Virginia and I can show you around the places your ancestors used to own and where they surrendered like figs :p
Will you then sue him for thousands of dinars?
ftfy
That triggered me.
I'll see you in Court, buddy.
will there be dancing lobsters?

That depends.


 
Naru
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The Rage....
>fly to the UK for a road trip with some friends
>only airline food available is lukewarm larger, cold tea and stale crumpets
>attempt to ask for better food, flight attendant threatens to smack me in the gobber
>no in-flight movie available, forced to watch 6-hour Top Gear marathon instead
>headphones not working, flight staff decide to play the audio through loudspeaker
>6 hours of Jeremy Clarkson yelling about muslims
>order some reading material to distract myself from all the subliminal messages telling me that england prevails
>all they have is daily mail
>frontpage headline: "PARLIAMENT VOTES TO BE ANNEXED BY SAUDI ARABIA, PRINCE CHARLES IS AN ALIEN"
>subliminal messages from Top Gear finally take effect
>British passengers fly into a frenzy, gang up on the one guy wearing a turban
>turban man tries to explain that he is a Sikh
>they don't listen, beat him to a bloody pulp
>scottish passenger screams "ALBA GU BRACHT!" at the top of his lungs, rips the Sikh gentleman's chest cavity open and uses his blood to paint a gaelic tribal tartan on his face
>some of the blood accidentally splashes on my forehead
>order a towel to wipe it off
>suddenly: "OI! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"
>passengers start to attack me
>i make a run for the washroom
>scramble inside, lock door behind me
>passengers have gone into all-out celtic/saxon multicultural berserker rage
>they pound on the door with all their strength
>fish around in my pockets for anything to hold them off
>find spare toothbrush
>slide it under the door
>they take one look and disperse, fleeing back to their seats to watch more top gear
>hide in the bathroom until landing
>arrive at london airport around 11AM
>everyone starts disembarking
>i wait until they're gone, then quickly make my way off the plane
>see friend holding up a sign with my name on it
>last name has a lower case t in it
>police arrive
>charge friend a 500 pound fine for offensive belittling of religious symbol
>suddenly they see his nametag
>has a lower case c in it
>police think it's a crescent moon
>mace my friend, drag him off to prison for islamophobia
>have to take the bus to reach my hotel
>bus is full of chavs skipping school
>they all blast various sex pistols tracks from their iphones
>insist on singing out loud in thick cockney accents
>pull a knife on me when i ask them to stop
>move up to the front of the bus
>bus driver is drinking gin straight from the bottle
>"umm excuse me sir...isn't it dangerous to drive under the influence?"
>"U WOT M8?"
>bus driver downs gin on one swig, breaks the empty bottle against the dashboard and attempts to stab me
>nothing but a plastic water bottle to defend myself with
>wave it out in front of me
>bus driver becomes terrified, flees by jumping out one of the windows
>bus swerves wildly
>small indian man in a business suit jumps forward to catch the wheel
>we narrowly avoid hitting a lamp post
>chavs enjoy the ride, begin singing "anarchy in the UK" in unison
>one chav begins to hold hands with his pregnant 15-year-old girlfriend
>muslim at the back of the bus sees them, becomes outraged
>pulls out a scimitar, beheads the brave indian fellow
>takes off his jacket to reveal a huge bomb strapped to his chest
>"I WILL SEND ALL YOU SINNERS TO ALLAH!"
>suddenly, scottish guy from the plane appears from the back of the bus
>kicks muslim in the balls so hard he breaks his toe
>bus swerves wildly
>I ask if anyone knows how to drive
>no one even has a license
>bus crashes into a post office
>i am the only survivor
>crawl out of the wreckage
>police arrive
>see that I have read hair, assume that I'm with the IRA
>spend the night in jail
>go to court the next day
>judge is drinking gin from the bottle, jury is full of teenage chavs
>judge slurs "thish irish man was-"
>jury immediately votes guilty
>judge passes out
>sentenced to 20 years in prison
>apply for parole
>they ask if I'm sorry for what I've done
>I say yes
>they shorten my sentence by 17 years
>give me a cell to myself
>pristine white hot tub, cable TV and internet access
>try to watch some porn to pass the time
>knife shoots out of the computer screen
>castrates me
>I writhe on the floor in pain
>coppers take me to the emergency room
>spend 2 weeks on waiting list
>they cauterize my wound with boiling whisky
>ask me if I'd like to drink the leftovers
>I politely decline
>suddenly they realize I'm not Irish
>receive royal pardon
>get to fly home in first class
>police drive me to the airport
>suddenly, alien mothership appears over london
>viewscreen lowers
>it's prince charles
>he orders that all life on earth be exterminated
>hear some weird noises


UK, never again.
3rd line in and I almost laughed my food out