Navy Seal Copypasta, Rocketman Edition

nͫiͤcͫeͤ · January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

What in the name of our Lord did you just say about me, you little heathen? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Vacation Bible School, and I’ve been involved in numerous biased acts of moderation, and I have over 300 Christian Rock songs. I am trained in spiritual warfare and I’m the top preacher in the entire anti-homosexual campaign. You are nothing to me but just another atheist. I will baptize you in 1,000 rivers with holiness the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my blessed words. You think you can get away with saying those falsehoods to me over the Internet? Think again, heathen. As we speak I am praying to my Lord and Savior in Heaven and your IP is being told to me right now on a piece of toast so you better prepare for the blood, blasphemer. The blood of Jesus that saved me and will wipe away the sins from the pathetic little thing you call your soul. You’re fixing to be saved, son. My God can be anywhere, anytime, and he can kill you in infinite ways, and that's just with natural causes. Not only am I extensively trained in the forum moderation, but I have access to its entire arsenal of tools and post editing power, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable account clean from Sep7agon.net, you little shitposter. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” post was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your low quality spam. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re not paying the price because Jesus payed it for you, you foolish sinner. My God will shower fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re going to Hell, kiddo.

Naru · January 12, 2015, 10:35:41 PM

holy fuck this is gold

Naoto · January 12, 2015, 10:36:13 PM

ʅʕ•ᴥ•ʔʃ ʅʕ•ᴥ•ʔʃ ʅʕ•ᴥ•ʔʃ

Ushan · January 12, 2015, 10:37:49 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

I will baptize you in 1,000 rivers with holiness the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my blessed words.

Isn't it blasphemous to say you're better than Jesus?

nͫiͤcͫeͤ · January 12, 2015, 10:38:38 PM

Quote from: Ushan die Bär on January 12, 2015, 10:37:49 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM
I will baptize you in 1,000 rivers with holiness the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my blessed words.

Isn't it blasphemous to say you're better than Jesus?

Ushan · January 12, 2015, 10:40:10 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:38:38 PM

Quote from: Ushan die Bär on January 12, 2015, 10:37:49 PM
Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM
I will baptize you in 1,000 rivers with holiness the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my blessed words.

Isn't it blasphemous to say you're better than Jesus?

I'm a copraphiliac.

Nexus · January 12, 2015, 10:40:14 PM

This is truly amazing. You're doing the lord's work.

Dopameme · January 12, 2015, 10:41:48 PM

I like the Ned Flanders one better

What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin. You’re going to Church, kiddily-widdily. Jesus can be anywhere, anytime, and he can turn you to the Gospel in over infinity ways, and that’s just with his bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in preaching to nonbelievers, but I have access to the entire dang- diddily Bible collection of the Springfield Bible College and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins away off the face of the continent, you diddily-doo satan-worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you from the Heavens, maybe you would have held your darn-diddily-fundgearoo tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re clean of all your sins, you widdillo-skiddily neighborino. I will sing hymns of praise all over you and you will drown in the love of Christ. You’re farn-foodily- flank-fiddily reborn, kiddo-diddily.

R o c k e t · January 12, 2015, 10:43:16 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Vacation Bible School

Never went to that fortunately

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

and I have over 300 Christian Rock songs.

Eh, I'd say about 25, but only like.....10 good ones.

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

and I’ve been involved in numerous mission trips in Africa

Nope never been

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

I’m the top preacher in the entire US television network.

Tele-Evangelists make my skin crawl

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

You’re fixing to be saved, son

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

You’re going to Hell, kiddo.

Contradictory much?

nͫiͤcͫeͤ · January 12, 2015, 10:45:56 PM

“Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.”

― Mark Twain

Ushan · January 12, 2015, 10:50:04 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:45:56 PM

“Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.”

― Mark Twain

Good.

K'tan Dantaktee · January 12, 2015, 10:59:23 PM

>Televangelists
>Lolpls

Even Christians realize those guys are just money-whoring cultists.

TB · January 12, 2015, 11:04:25 PM

This is quality!

R o c k e t · January 12, 2015, 11:10:11 PM

Despite my original post in this thread, GG Ryle.
Good work buddy

R o c k e t · January 12, 2015, 11:22:16 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM

I’ve been involved in numerous biased acts of moderation,

I didn't catch this until now......

YOU FREAKING JERK!!!!!

Spoiler

jk luv u bro

cxfhvxgkcf-56:7 · January 12, 2015, 11:51:14 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

nͫiͤcͫeͤ · January 12, 2015, 11:51:46 PM

nͫiͤcͫeͤ · January 13, 2015, 07:09:32 PM

bump 4 jesus

AngryBrute · January 13, 2015, 07:11:05 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 12, 2015, 10:43:16 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM
I’m the top preacher in the entire US television network.

Tele-Evangelists make my skin crawl

Me too. Especially Joel Osteen.

Korra · January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM

PRAISE ODIN

R o c k e t · January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM

PRAISE ODIN

um, no

Korra · January 13, 2015, 07:32:56 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM
PRAISE ODIN

um, no

Why not?

Word Wizard · January 13, 2015, 07:33:38 PM

Quote from: Ushan die Bär on January 12, 2015, 10:37:49 PM

Quote from: Ryle on January 12, 2015, 10:34:22 PM
I will baptize you in 1,000 rivers with holiness the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my blessed words.

Isn't it blasphemous to say you're better than Jesus?

No one on this forum has seen jesus work in person.

R o c k e t · January 13, 2015, 07:34:00 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:32:56 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM
PRAISE ODIN

um, no
Why not?

Because Jesus, obviously!

Naoto · January 13, 2015, 07:35:23 PM

ʕっ˘ڡ˘ςʔ

Korra · January 13, 2015, 07:36:09 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:34:00 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:32:56 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM
PRAISE ODIN

um, no
Why not?

Because Jesus, obviously!

But Odin also had a son, a son that would save humanity a bunch of times!

And Allfather Odin is a very kind and just god and father.

R o c k e t · January 13, 2015, 07:41:20 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:36:09 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:34:00 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:32:56 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM
PRAISE ODIN

um, no
Why not?

Because Jesus, obviously!
But Odin also had a son, a son that would save humanity a bunch of times!

And Allfather Odin is a very kind and just god and father.

But Jesus is the King of Kings >.>

Korra · January 13, 2015, 07:42:35 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:41:20 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:36:09 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:34:00 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:32:56 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM
PRAISE ODIN

um, no
Why not?

Because Jesus, obviously!
But Odin also had a son, a son that would save humanity a bunch of times!

And Allfather Odin is a very kind and just god and father.

But Jesus is the King of Kings >.>

Odin's job title is literally the God of Gods. So...

R o c k e t · January 13, 2015, 07:45:05 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:42:35 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:41:20 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:36:09 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:34:00 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:32:56 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM
PRAISE ODIN

um, no
Why not?

Because Jesus, obviously!
But Odin also had a son, a son that would save humanity a bunch of times!

And Allfather Odin is a very kind and just god and father.

But Jesus is the King of Kings >.>
Odin's job title is literally the God of Gods. So...

Ahem

Jesus: "Name above all names"

Odin's name? Not above Jesus.

Korra · January 13, 2015, 07:47:40 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:45:05 PM

Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:42:35 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:41:20 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:36:09 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:34:00 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:32:56 PM
Quote from: Rocketman287 on January 13, 2015, 07:30:53 PM
Quote from: Jill Valentine on January 13, 2015, 07:12:16 PM
PRAISE ODIN

um, no
Why not?

Because Jesus, obviously!
But Odin also had a son, a son that would save humanity a bunch of times!

And Allfather Odin is a very kind and just god and father.

But Jesus is the King of Kings >.>
Odin's job title is literally the God of Gods. So...

Ahem

Jesus: "Name above all names"

Odin's name? Not above Jesus.

That's part of Odin's job description too.