...

I honestly don't know else to tell but I just have to put these words somewhere
I honestly don't know what to think...
Let me start from the beginning

So I'm just chilling like I normally do
It's Winter Break so I just sit around and read, play video games, and masturbate
There's this other forum I like to frequent called JC
It's a site for music and shit
I like to go on it to explore new bands and interesting songs
The people there are -blam!-ing crazy
They are absolutely out of their minds

So I meet this guy
Bartholomew
I just called him Bart
I thought it was a weird username but the site was -blam!-ed up so I didn't really find anything strange about it
Now the strange thing is that he was Albanian or some shit and he didn't speak English at all
He used this translation software that put out retarded sentences like "He put two birds bush in" and "Dishwasher a clean"
It was hilarious as shit
He would post about his mom would take him to go watch animated movies even when he was 26
Everyone hated Bart
But you know me
I like to go for the weird ones
Now as I said before, this site was vicious
They were terrible

We were friends so Bart would PM me about his problems
He had depression and minor mental retardation
The forums were not helping him at all so he was leaving
So he gave me his gamertag
It was something like BartholomewTheGreat
Bart was -blam!-ing quirky and random as hell
Just like I like it

Bart must have been -blam!-ing rich or something because he had the exact same translation software for his PS4
Only this one was a speech translator and it had this weird Stephen Hawkings robot voice
It was funny as -blam!-
Imagine a robot voice calmly saying "Go shotgun the sniper dude"
I kept teaching him these English sayings like "What's up man" and "Yo homie" just to hear him say it in the translator
Funny shit man

I was on Winter Break for two weeks but Bart told me that they didn't have Winter Break in his schools
I asked him how he gets to play all day and he told me that there were massive riots in Albania because of the huge gap between the poor and the rich
It turns out that he was actually rich and that his dad was some politician
He had to stay home for safety
Hell it got so bad that his parents had to hire guards
I was concerned but he said "Chill nig, it's all good"
Imagine that in a robot translator voice

The situation started getting really really bad
The looting started and this shit wasn't even making the news because of the whole Sony North Korea thing
I had to follow along on some local Albanian station online
The looting had started and Bart would randomly cut out during our gaming sessions
I asked him why he kept doing that and he told me that they would have to go hide in a shelter because massive riots would break out in his neighborhood
This guy's life was breaking down and I was helpless to stop it
He told me not to worry
Bart's exact words were "Worry not my nig, I am invincible" robot translator and all

Then it happened
I was watching the news
The poor had just finished a massive assault on the rich neighborhood
Almost all the houses were ransacked
The women -blam!-, the men hanged, and the children abducted, presumably to sell into slavery

I was a wreck for three days
I worried as Bart hasn't signed onto PSN since the assault began
Then a package arrived at my door
It had foreign markings on it and I could tell it was from Bart
I opened it up and found a Frozen poster [he knew how much I loved Frozen]
On the bottom, it was signed by Bart
Well it was typed out because he had to use the translator but it said
"Thank IngloriousWho98 for being friend in hard time. I sure you hear news by now. Not worry. I and family are in hiding but it hard. Don't know when get back in touch. Maybe never. Here is sign of friendship. Thank you so much."
Next to the writing, there were doodles of Pokemon and shit

My eyes started tearing up
My mom saw me
She asked "Is that from your foreign friend? Is he okay?"
I say yeah but suddenly she had a concerned look on her face and asked me
"Did you give them our address?"
I suddenly realized that I haven't
My mom got worried that the rioters would come looking for us so she sent me to my aunt's house just to be safe

She called a cab to pick me up
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Let me guess... Bel-Air.

Edit:
. . . S i g h . . .

Let me guess... Bel-Air.

Edit:
. . . S i g h . . .

Wow Verby you're so smart

Teach me how to be so smart

Yawn.

Cause when I seen 'em thighs on her and them hips on her and them lips on her
Got me daydreaming, man what

Cause when I seen 'em thighs on her and them hips on her and them lips on her
Got me daydreaming, man what

I always preferred tits

Cause when I seen 'em thighs on her and them hips on her and them lips on her
Got me daydreaming, man what

I always preferred tits

that's because you're a little boy

Cause when I seen 'em thighs on her and them hips on her and them lips on her
Got me daydreaming, man what

I always preferred tits

that's because you're a little boy

Implying