So this is gonna be a long post. There will not be td;lr, and I am not gonna be proofreading or anything. That being said get in for the ride.
To start this. I am thankful for this place, a place to vent or mess around or be stressed in. This place has given a constant source of community and in a way friendship on here. I have been on The Flood since late H3 and have never really left. I have taken brakes, but never really left. But things have come to a point in my life where change is going to happen, and this place is something that must be left behind. From my first year of highschool things weren't as, good as they usually would be for a white upper middle class male. The summer before my girlfriend took her own life and the abusive ex I had came back into my life. From those events it didn't get much better. The ex turned back into abusive girlfriend cheated on me and made sure I couldn't end the relationship happy. Eventually it got to homecoming and she cheated and I was done. I broke it off and tried to get with a girl who was crushing on me. It did not work well. I missed my abusive ex no matter how bad she was to me so in turn I was an ass to the new girlfriend. She ended up hating me for not being over the abusive ex so her and my abusive ex came together to try to make a false rape allegation and get me deported. Luckily it didn't work but the rumors followed me from there.
Through all this I stayed on The Flood. It was a place where even though I got upset and took it out on the forum I was able to not be judged by people or seen as a rapist (again, I never did anything ever without a girls consent). Then I met Shadows and even though we over exposed our relationship to mess around and have fun on B.net it was never actually that serious. But she had never been with a guy before and no girl at my highschool wanted to be alone with me. She was sweet and innocent unlike what I was used to. So I went with it. It eventually ended after a month or two but this is becoming irrelevant to the story. Shitty stuff continued, an ex took her own life and my first girlfriend I ever had died to a heart condition. Then depression really set in. I stopped getting out of bed, and I stopped even trying anymore. I felt worthless and this was the point when this site was pretty dark. When only the people who was asses for the sake of being asses posted. So I left for a bit. Around half a year later I was feeling better so I came back, and stuff had lightened up.
There is a lot of other stuff to put in but it is pretty upsetting to even think about so let's just say a lot of stuff got worse my 11th grade year. So let's fast forward to this year. Depression had eased up, I wasn't dependent on drugs and I was happily single. The rapist rumors cleared up but still had some effect on me. I was happy. I was a B student through the first semester. Then at the end of the semester I met a girl and we started dating. Real dating. I wasn't ok with having sex with girls anymore with the whole rapist thing. But this girl eventually convinced me to do it, and that made me feel a real emotional connection. Then out of nowhere she didn't want to be tied down by a relationship anymore so she went off and started doing coke to be happy (not even joking, she has now been sober for a month because of AA and CA so good for her) and then all that depression set in again. But it wasn't based around her. It was based around the whole school. So instead of struggling to pass the second semester there I went to an off campus program where a person can just finish classes in a smaller place at their pace. I finished high school 2 months early and was really happy. My work forms came in (greencard stuff) and I was now able to get a job. This is a gutted version of what I usually say but it would give away a lot of personal info that I would rather not give.
And now there is the point I am at. Microsoft contacted me about a possible job and stuff is looking good. I am heading to Uganda next year and I feel happy. Sadly there is still the depression, it still takes a lot from me emotionally and I know to move forward I need to forget things of my past/present that have a negative impact. And with that I believe I need to leave this place behind. I don't think this place is bad or hurts people. But at the point I am at, having a negative place, even if it is a positive sort of negative, will only hurt the chances of me staying happy. I need to find more positivity in life. And I sure won't find that here. I love you all. I love this place and community. The only thing I ever hated was Floof, fuck Floof, that was the most forced meme I ever saw. But at this point. I won't be able to be positive on here. I might end up losing a battle with depression anyway, I have almost lost before. And so I may never come back. But of course I will probably come back at some point. No time soon. You all have been in my life for so many years and I from the bottom of my heart I thank you all for being in this community. I hope one day we can all have a positive place to hang out together, even if it is just for a little while. I'll look at the comments but I probably won't be responding. See all of you later! <3
My life has taken a turn