Just a little bit of thinking...

 
Sandtrap | Mythic Sage
 
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Rockets on my X
Birthdays are fun. Birthdays are like clocks really. An end to a period of time in your life, and a start to time that is yet to come. Birthdays are, or should be a reminder to you of things. A reminder of where you come from, an anchor of sorts.

I'm 22 now. And I can look back on the last year and say I'm satisfied with what was done. Physically, by all outward appearances, not much was accomplished. No home, no, real-world major alterations. But, internal. Self reflection, identification, and evolution as a person.

I can only hope that the up and coming year holds more strides, more progress. Because that's what it should be. You take one step, and then you take another. But, it's a reminder. Physically, today, I feel terrible. I pushed myself too hard yesterday, and I'm paying for that. But, overall, the day is happy.

But, what this day, over all the others is, is a reminder of why I'm here. Why I've chosen all of this. It's a reminder about time.

I'm 22 now. My mother, my sister, her husband, are all growing old. Some of them are breaking down in age. But, I choose to stay here and help them the best I can. I'm sure, if I put my head into the game, I could move off to some big city. Start something in higher education. Start a job, something, to earn real money.

But time is important to me. And what time means is, that no matter what I do, one day, these people, these people that I'm doing the best I can for, will die. I will have to bury them. Every last one of them. And then it'll be just me.

So, not only for me, do I hope that I can make the next upcoming year special. But I hope that in the coming years, in the time that's left, I can make something special for all of them too. Progress, for more than just me.

So, here's to a brand new year! Let's see what I can do, with not only this new year, but this second chance of mine as well. Let's see, just how fun I can make things.

To the other folks with birthdays today, or ones coming up in the near future, I wish the same to you all.

 
 
More Than Mortal | d-d-d-DANK โœก ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘
 
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.
You're only 22? Shit.

 
 
Sandtrap | Mythic Sage
 
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Quote from: Meta Cognition on October 30, 2014, 01:01:16 PM
You're only 22? Shit.

What? You thought I was ancient?

 
รsgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.
ugh

 
 
More Than Mortal | d-d-d-DANK โœก ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘
 
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:01:48 PM
Quote from: Meta Cognition on October 30, 2014, 01:01:16 PM
You're only 22? Shit.

What? You thought I was ancient?
I don't know, man.

You just seem way to chilled and mature to be a 22-year-old.

 
 
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fuck you
Meh

 
 
challengerX | custom title
 
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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Sandtrap | Mythic Sage
 
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Quote from: Meta Cognition on October 30, 2014, 01:04:10 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:01:48 PM
Quote from: Meta Cognition on October 30, 2014, 01:01:16 PM
You're only 22? Shit.

What? You thought I was ancient?
I don't know, man.

You just seem way to chilled and mature to be a 22-year-old.

I'll tell you the secret. All those grunt labor jobs give me time to think about things as I work. Time with oneself is always a good thing, because eventually, thoughts turn inward. Self examination and realization lead you in great strides.

 
 
Sandtrap | Mythic Sage
 
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Quote from: challengerX on October 30, 2014, 01:07:18 PM
I don't think it's right that everything you do is for your family. Your family is supposed to help you along your way, not be an anchor that holds you down in the same place until they die.

Family's important, but you shouldn't have to pay for their mistakes, or live your life for them.

Oh believe me, they aren't an anchor. They've even made their concerns apparent. And the door is always open should I seek something more. They won't hold me down. But, to me, what I see with my eyes, isn't fair.

I see young kids these days, people not much older than me. They leave. Live their lives. But they cut their families out. They don't even look back.

And that's not what family should be.

These people, my family, have all paid their dues. And life still doesn't care. Other people, wouldn't care. They wouldn't help. And as people, they deserve something better. Every last one of them. So, this is my job. This is my task. I wouldn't fit well anywhere else anyway. I'm too simple, for such things. But, what I can do here, is make things fair.

There will be more adventures for me along the way, I'm sure. But I will never abandon them to unfairness.

 
 
Sandtrap | Mythic Sage
 
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Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:03:45 PM
ugh

Hey?

Guess what?

I'm a wizard.

See those three letters there.

With some magic, I turn them into hug.

I shall give you a hug.

 
 
challengerX | custom title
 
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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รsgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:13:33 PM
Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:03:45 PM
ugh

Hey?

Guess what?

I'm a wizard.

See those three letters there.

With some magic, I turn them into hug.

I shall give you a hug.
orekinotamused.jpg

 
 
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Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:15:32 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:13:33 PM
Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:03:45 PM
ugh

Hey?

Guess what?

I'm a wizard.

See those three letters there.

With some magic, I turn them into hug.

I shall give you a hug.
orekinotamused.jpg
heh needs season 2.

 
รsgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.
Quote from: True Turquoise on October 30, 2014, 01:16:14 PM
Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:15:32 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:13:33 PM
Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:03:45 PM
ugh

Hey?

Guess what?

I'm a wizard.

See those three letters there.

With some magic, I turn them into hug.

I shall give you a hug.
orekinotamused.jpg
heh needs season 2.
i need a pc

 
 
Sandtrap | Mythic Sage
 
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Quote from: challengerX on October 30, 2014, 01:14:14 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:12:30 PM
Quote from: challengerX on October 30, 2014, 01:07:18 PM
I don't think it's right that everything you do is for your family. Your family is supposed to help you along your way, not be an anchor that holds you down in the same place until they die.

Family's important, but you shouldn't have to pay for their mistakes, or live your life for them.

Oh believe me, they aren't an anchor. They've even made their concerns apparent. And the door is always open should I seek something more. They won't hold me down. But, to me, what I see with my eyes, isn't fair.

I see young kids these days, people not much older than me. They leave. Live their lives. But they cut their families out. They don't even look back.

And that's not what family should be.

These people, my family, have all paid their dues. And life still doesn't care. Other people, wouldn't care. They wouldn't help. And as people, they deserve something better. Every last one of them. So, this is my job. This is my task. I wouldn't fit well anywhere else anyway. I'm too simple, for such things. But, what I can do here, is make things fair.

There will be more adventures for me along the way, I'm sure. But I will never abandon them to unfairness.
Just don't live the rest of your life with regret.

I'm one step ahead of you. Self examination right? The hospital down time did me immense good. I realize, that despite everything, I should try.

Because if I don't try, then it never will happen. Most of all, I have to accept the responsiblity of failure. I might not succeed. But the point is, I tried. And if I tried, then I really know that I can move on with no troubles on my shoulders.

A lot like the deer, a few nights ago. I tried to make things quick. But I didn't accept the possibility of failure. And that's why it hit me so hard. But now, now I see, wide and clear.

 
 
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Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:17:22 PM
Quote from: True Turquoise on October 30, 2014, 01:16:14 PM
Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:15:32 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:13:33 PM
Quote from: Ennui on October 30, 2014, 01:03:45 PM
ugh

Hey?

Guess what?

I'm a wizard.

See those three letters there.

With some magic, I turn them into hug.

I shall give you a hug.
orekinotamused.jpg
heh needs season 2.
i need a pc
stop being poor then

 
รsgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.

 
 
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RomanGladiator | Legendary Invincible!
 
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Thought you were older Sand...also 22. Still living with parents. All of my other friends have found jobs, have girlfriends, etc... My obsession with video games only led to this. I didn't get an internship during college and didn't make connections and establish my network. Now I'm paying for it and I'm nearly going insane because I have such a sedentary life style right now. I want human interaction and to do things but there just isn't anything to do. So I browse job boards all day. Yeah, not too happy about my life right now. PS kids don't choose a worthless degree. I can't even enjoy the MCC when it comes out because I have nothing else going on in my life besides video games. It's not much of an existence.

 
 
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Quote from: RomanGladiator on October 30, 2014, 02:08:48 PM
Thought you were older Sand...also 22. Still living with parents. All of my other friends have found jobs, have girlfriends, etc... My obsession with video games only led to this. I didn't get an internship during college and didn't make connections and establish my network. Now I'm paying for it and I'm nearly going insane because I have such a sedentary life style right now. I want human interaction and to do things but there just isn't anything to do. So I browse job boards all day. Yeah, not too happy about my life right now. PS kids don't choose a worthless degree. I can't even enjoy the MCC when it comes out because I have nothing else going on in my life besides video games. It's not much of an existence.

I can't blame you. And I won't. The internet, and video games, in some degrees fill a void. And it's easy to get stuck in them. A few years ago, I was the same thing. And it turned inward on me because even then, despite how lazy I was, I cared about other people around me.

And that killed me. It was a realization of the reality around me. A reality that only I made. I was the product of those who raised me. But, they did the best they could with what they had. But those years, were all me. So, I sunk.

But, some little bit of luck, some little piece of reason knocked some sense into me. And, believe me, it's hard. It looks, and feels like a wall. A mountain. But it all comes down to you. It always does. If you want change, then you have to do it. Most of all, you'd be surprised, at how things change.

Once you put one foot forward, you've got to take another. 6 months ago, I was a very, very different person. And, it's amazing really. You never expect things to change. But you look back, and suddenly, they have. Most of all, it's amazing how small some things are.

These little things, start the gears turning, and push you forwards. So despite how small they seem to you at the time, how pointless they look, how trivial and useless, in the end, they make the biggest difference.

Remember. It's a choice. You always have a choice. And there's always another way, always another option. All you have to do is realize that you want things to change. And then, get up, and take a step.

And, in a few months, a couple of years, you'll look back, and realize how far you've come. But, it all starts with you. You just have to use your noggin, and think about things. Look carefully, and you'll find the way.

 
 
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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Sandtrap | Mythic Sage
 
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Quote from: challengerX on October 30, 2014, 02:28:31 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:17:41 PM
Quote from: challengerX on October 30, 2014, 01:14:14 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on October 30, 2014, 01:12:30 PM
Quote from: challengerX on October 30, 2014, 01:07:18 PM
I don't think it's right that everything you do is for your family. Your family is supposed to help you along your way, not be an anchor that holds you down in the same place until they die.

Family's important, but you shouldn't have to pay for their mistakes, or live your life for them.

Oh believe me, they aren't an anchor. They've even made their concerns apparent. And the door is always open should I seek something more. They won't hold me down. But, to me, what I see with my eyes, isn't fair.

I see young kids these days, people not much older than me. They leave. Live their lives. But they cut their families out. They don't even look back.

And that's not what family should be.

These people, my family, have all paid their dues. And life still doesn't care. Other people, wouldn't care. They wouldn't help. And as people, they deserve something better. Every last one of them. So, this is my job. This is my task. I wouldn't fit well anywhere else anyway. I'm too simple, for such things. But, what I can do here, is make things fair.

There will be more adventures for me along the way, I'm sure. But I will never abandon them to unfairness.
Just don't live the rest of your life with regret.

I'm one step ahead of you. Self examination right? The hospital down time did me immense good. I realize, that despite everything, I should try.

Because if I don't try, then it never will happen. Most of all, I have to accept the responsiblity of failure. I might not succeed. But the point is, I tried. And if I tried, then I really know that I can move on with no troubles on my shoulders.

A lot like the deer, a few nights ago. I tried to make things quick. But I didn't accept the possibility of failure. And that's why it hit me so hard. But now, now I see, wide and clear.
It's not about failure or success, it's about devoting your life entirely to your family, as if they're the only reason to live. You live in a place you hate and you're not happy.

You can move and get a better job and send money home. Or move and do something to set up a foundation in your life. These are critical years, and it seems to me that you're wasting them. Almost as if you're going to wait until your family dies, and then after all that depression start a new life.

Think about that.

There's no place I'd rather be. Cities don't click with me. Large towns don't click with me. Most of all, I don't care about money. I understand the neccessity of it for survival, but a life spent solely in it's pursuit is worthless.

I stay here because I believe I can help more than by going to a city and being caught in a trap. In person, in physical true person I can help all of them, and most of all, give them something. If I rolled off to the city, and devoted my life to making money, to them, I'd just be an invisible person, sending numbers to them.

I wouldn't be there when they needed help. Wouldn't be there to give them a smile on bad days. Wouldn't be there to listen to them. The very same applies in vice versa. My minimalist views don't quite click with you, I think.

I don't want to be stuck in a trap of a job. Not a puppet for money. Give me, one single piece of land up here, and my world is complete. I can shape it, do anything I want on it, because it's mine. My own security, and sanctum from the world at large. And in that quiet, I could do anything. And I could do 90% of it all without money.

Make just enough to pay for taxes, internet, gas, and so on. Small jobs like I have now cover it. The key step, is getting there. And it is, piece by piece. I already have an inkling of what I enjoy doing with my life. And, I push it every day. One day, I may be able to make money off of it even. But, it's not a concern for me.

And with my own space, I could do anything I choose. Devote time to learn, whatever I feel like. In peace and quiet. Give me a house, some land, an axe, a saw, and a shovel, and I'll make my own happiness.


 
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uhhh...

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