I'm about to go slayer mode

Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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Sex drive on these vitamins is too high

Will keep this thread as a sort of log to myself


 
SecondClass
| Carmen
 
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
I felt like it was all a little too sudden. First, a lot happened in a single chapter that easily could have spanned at least a few. Secondly, when and why did Vanessa start drinking to excess? Why would Adam, who's such a caring, selfless individual that he'd risk his life for his best friend, suddenly care so much about money that he'd fire half of the workers at Honesco? What's Mooseblood's story with drugs and (possibly) getting clean? How'd he get into them? How did it affect his relationships with his family and friends? A lot happened in a few short paragraphs that have no explanation and leave me, as a reader and a fan of the movie, a tad bewildered and with the chapter being so short/ending so suddenly, it made it really difficult to be fully absorbed into the world you've created for me. I do, however, have an insatiable love of dark themes in writing and enjoyed the overall tone that the first chapter sets for the rest of the story.


 
Jono
| Future Nostalgia
 
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Goodness gracious, great balls of lightning!
RAINING BLOOOOOOOOOOD

FROM A LACERATED SKY


Jim | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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