October 6, Earth Science class. It seemed to be a normal enough day. As usual, everyone in class was either taking obsessive-compulsive notes or was in a zombie-like daze of boredom. The teacher, off on her random, irreverent tangent, was paying little attention to my row.
The boy next to me turns his head. "Want to hear a joke?"he asked nonchalantly. "Sure." I answered, figuring it would be innocent enough.
Little did I know this joke would change my life forever.
"What did the injured cats say to each other?" "I don't know." I replied, eager to cut to the chase. "Me-owch."
There was a brief moment of silence, in which the sheer shittiness of the joke settled in. No-one in the room could believe a jest that abhorrent could be spawned on our fair earth. It felt as if claws of stupidity were tearing at my mind.
Suddenly, the girl behind me committed suicide on the spot. Full scale riots broke out over the tri-state area, with murders, looting, and rape. Cries of "How could that punchline be so horrible? What god would allow this?" could be heard as people lept from rooftops. The Me-owch riots had begun.
The area had to be carpet-bombed by the Air force in order to quell the riots and make sure no traces of the horrid humor escaped the infected area. The entire state of New York was quarantined, and everything we ever held dear was either bombed or destroyed by the insipid setup and punchline.
A little girl next to me said she believed things couldn't possibly get worse. When her brother heard the joke, he ate their mother, burned down their house and killed himself.
Suddenly, the sounds of a million infants shrieking pierced the air. A hundred armed demon with a thousand unpronounceable names rose from a fissure in the earth. "I have been summoned to your meager plane from the horror of the unspeakable humor. I Gorros*lejldkrakish'urtszar, the aberration who was never meant to be, shall now devour the universe."spoke the horror with it's three-hundred maws.
"Good going." I said to the boy, who had miraculously survived up to this point. "How was I supposed to know the joke would summon a nameless horror from the beginning of time?" "Me-owch?!" I shouted, rage in my voice. "What good did you possibly believe could come of that!"
Gorros*lejldkrakish'urtszar devoured the universe and shat it out as a cosmic dung pile. The end.
The moral of this story is to not use jokes from shitty juvenile jokebooks.
The Worst Joke Ever