I'm giving an Insurgency Steam key to the person who writes me the best story

TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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Write me a story, win a Steam key. EZ keys EZ life. Must contain one or more sentences.

You are barred from this contest if your name is CIS Scum.


 
True Turquoise
| MILF Hunter
 
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25,382 posts
fuck you
Once there was a kid.

He says "I have no steam"

The end.


The Waifu Master | Legendary Invincible!
 
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I have a link to one copy to it.
Right here.
Faggots.
https://www.humblebundle.com/?gift=xhx65b4zux5YZSvB
YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME YOU SHITHEAD
Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 10:12:29 PM by The Waifu Master


TedToaster22 | Member
 
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Once there was an ugly barnacle.

He was so ugly that everyone died.

The End.


 
Hahahaha very funny Zonda
| p o l l o
 
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RIP ENDIE
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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-Daniel
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-Rinev Jeqkogo
YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME YOU SHITHEAD
I took it. Write me a story, bitch.


The Waifu Master | Legendary Invincible!
 
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YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME YOU SHITHEAD
I took it. Write me a story, bitch.
Haha, you're cancer.


TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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-True Velox
-Cupofcoffee
-Daniel
-Solonoid
-Rinev Jeqkogo
YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME YOU SHITHEAD
I took it. Write me a story, bitch.
Haha, you're cancer.
I'm just gonna give it away to a Floodian anyway. kek


The Waifu Master | Legendary Invincible!
 
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7,010 posts
 


TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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2,832 posts
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-Latsu
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-TBlocks
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-True Velox
-Cupofcoffee
-Daniel
-Solonoid
-Rinev Jeqkogo


R o c k e t | Mythic Smash Master
 
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22,974 posts
I neither fear, nor despise.
I can't write stories well.


The Waifu Master | Legendary Invincible!
 
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The Waifu Master | Legendary Invincible!
 
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7,010 posts
 
Unrelated.
YouTube


Lemy the Lizerd | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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>At the dinner table, playing with my peas on my plate
>That's what I call my dick
>Anon, stop fidgeting
>Look up and see my mother's prematurely aged, lined face
>Eyes have that thousand mile stare
>Tell her I'm just scratching my dick with the tines of my fork, leave me alone
>She just sighs and takes another swig of bourbon
>Accidentally shove the tine of the fork into my peehole
>Scream and convulse in pain, falling out of my chair and smash into the table, knocking everything over
>Piss everywhere, whilst bleeding from my peehole
>Keep yelling until my mom gets up and pulls it out of my dick and bandages it
>Gives me some of oxycodone

Just as planned


Lemy the Lizerd | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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>had a really long day laughing at Pepe and knocking back Mountain Dews while playing vidya
>crawl into bed, need some sleep before I do it all again tomorrow
>just about to cum all over when that stupid cunt knocks on my door
>DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?!
>fully erect in my cum stained shirt
>Anon, it's ten in the morning...
>....AND?!
>You said you'd try and look for a job today
>I cant believe this bitch is trying to pull this shit
>start jerking off again and cum all over her work pants
>GO GET ME SOME FUCKING POP-TARTS
>stomp on her toes and slam the door in her face
>she isnt going downstairs, she's just standing there crying
>I SAID NOW!
>She's dumb enough to bring me frosted strawberry

I can't take this place anymore, guys.


Lemy the Lizerd | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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>be me, 30 y/o kv and living with my normie parents
>3 AM
>blasting manowar through my $400 headphones mom got me for my 1/4 birthday (i get four a year)
>mom knocks on the door
>i don't answer, the dumb bitch should know better than to distract me while i'm looking at pictures of cartoon frogs
>a-anon could you please keep it down, your father and i both have work in the morning
>scream at the top of my lungs "BROTHERS EVERYWHERE, RAISE YOUR HANDS IN TO THE AIR"
>a-anon please, not again, I haven't slept in days
>"WE'RE WARRIORS, WARRIORS OF THE >WORLD"
>she starts sobbing
>that's the last fucking straw
>grab one of my numerous shitjugs and open the door
>kick mom in the vagina, she falls to the ground in pain
>i pin her under my weight
>"ANON PLEASE NO, NOT AGAIN!"
>take the cap off of my shitjug and prepare to pour it down the dumb bitch's throat
>my dad has woken up and has come into the hallway
>pour my week-old shit down her throat, she gags and tries to vomit but ends up swallowing some of it
>my dad vomits at the sight
>mom starts having another heart attack i stand up victoriously as my dad frantically tries to dial 911
>go back into my room
>"CARRY WE, WHO DIE IN BATTLE, OVER LAND AND SEA"


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
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Rockets on my X
I'll take your challenge. Give me a subject.


TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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-True Velox
-Cupofcoffee
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-Solonoid
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I'll take your challenge. Give me a subject.
Anything in the whole woooooorld


TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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-True Velox
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-Daniel
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-Rinev Jeqkogo
I can't take this place anymore, guys.
Disqualified because "I'm leaving this faggot-ass forum". Come back on your main, Door.


Hawk | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
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Linky

Wrote this a couple years ago, inspired from Far Cry 3. Can I has game now? =)
Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 10:42:38 PM by Hawk


TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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The Pancakes List:

-Latsu
-DAS B00T
-Ryle
-TBlocks
-Rocketman287
-True Velox
-Cupofcoffee
-Daniel
-Solonoid
-Rinev Jeqkogo
Linky

Wrote this a couple years ago, inspired from Far Cry 3. Can I has game now? =)

EDIT: Wow that format came out horrible, one sec
0/10; didn't shoot 500 redshirted niggers or fuck a jungle lady

But considering you're the only one who gave me a real story I'll think about it.
Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 10:55:47 PM by TheOneTrueDesticle


TheOneTrueDesticle | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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The Pancakes List:

-Latsu
-DAS B00T
-Ryle
-TBlocks
-Rocketman287
-True Velox
-Cupofcoffee
-Daniel
-Solonoid
-Rinev Jeqkogo
Linky

Wrote this a couple years ago, inspired from Far Cry 3. Can I has game now? =)

EDIT: Wow that format came out horrible, one sec
Also, +1 for Modifyers avatar
Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 10:56:07 PM by TheOneTrueDesticle


Hawk | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
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Lol, better than nothing \o/


 
Sandtrap
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Rockets on my X
I'll take your challenge. Give me a subject.
Anything in the whole woooooorld

Spoiler
And god said,

"Let there be light!"

Jim shook his head.

"The fuck is this shit god? Giving light to all those ugly people down there? Disgusting."

The great bearded deity shrugged.

"Give them time, a few hundred thousand years maybe and they'll start to look a little less ugly. Maybe even good enough to look good on the beach."

Jim looked down below.

"Oh for fuck's sake. The first idiot just learned about fire. He went up and burnt himself to a crisp."

God eyed up the simple little mongoloid far down below, burnt and black, dead as could be. He nodded with a smile.

"Hey! We just got our first customer to the gates of heaven! Quick, call up Peter!"

Jim watched as the great bearded deity tugged his long white beard in excitement.

"God, you're like a kid in a candy shop. It's embarassing."

God did not care and proceeded to call up Peter, ignoring Jim. Jim proceeded to watch down below, as the tiny mongoloids continued to evolve. He put his glasses on, as he looked a little closer. Interesting. They where starting to do things. Build things. Jim looked back as God continued to babble to Peter on the phone, absent minded. Jim smiled.

"Okay you little fucks, let's see what you do with a little rain along with your tropical sunshine."

Jim reared back, and let out the biggest loogie he could manage. Watching with satifsfaction as the land flooded and all the little mongoloids and their ugly buildings washed away. He leaned back on his chair with a smile, as God returned. With a frown across his features, he looked over to Jim.

"Did you do that?"

"What?"

"Peter says he's getting a lot more entries to heaven."

Jim smiled, watching the floods down below.

"Must be global warming."

God shook his head.

"Oh well this is no good! Fuck it, I'm going down there."

Jim's eyebrows shot up.

"That's cheating."

"I'm God! I can do what I want."

"Okay, your show big man."

—————————————————————--

15 minutes later

God appeared next to Jim, soaking wet as he removed a great yellow raincoat. He smiled as he wrung out his great beard.

"There. I told one of them to build a boat."

Jim eyed up the happenings down below.

"Well, it looks like a lot more than that. They're writing a book about you! You're famous!"

God's brows furrowed.

"No, no! They're too young for reading! They don't know what'll happen if they write something bad!"

Jim chuckled.

"Oh shit, look at them go! A couple more of them wrote books about you!"

God watched as all the little mongoloids started fighting.

"God dammit! No! I had the perfect setup!"

Jim merely chuckled.

"Oh boy, they're making a right mess of things now! But look at that! You're actually right. Some of them look pretty good on the beaches in bikinis."

God shook his head.

"Nope. I've got it. I've got it. I can fix it. I'm going down there again."

Jim watched with amusement as the little mongoloids continued to evolve. God returned again, this time with a smile. Jim looked up to him.

"So, what's your master plan?"

God smiled, a light so bright that Texas became dry.

"Well Jim, you're a good friend right? How about you uh, I dunno, go down there?"

"What? Me? And do what?"

"Propaganda."

"What do you mean propaganda?"

"Well, you know, dress up like one of them. Spread the word that I'm not real. I hate being in the tabloids. And every person I talk to just keeps on making things worse."

Jim sighed.

"Okay fine. What do you want to call this anti-god movement?"

"How about Atheism?"

Jim nodded.

"That's good. Okay. Here I go. My best impersonation of one of them."

Jim turned into a fat overweight mongoloid with a fedora and a stomach barely contained by his shirt. He smiled, great greasy rolls of flesh upturning in a horrendous spectacle.

"How's this?"

God shook his head.

"Hmm. Not feeling it. You'd get better reception if you were one of those nice ones on the beach."

Jim snapped his flabby fingers.

"I got it."

Jim pulled a katana out of the air.

"Now we're talking style."

God's brows furrowed.

"Okay fine. It is kind of cool."

Jim tipped his fedora.

"I've even got a catchphrase! M'Lady."

God smiled, stroking his beard.

"Okay Jim. I think we're set. You ready to go down there?"

"With a katana, I can't fail. You just watch. I'll have your name cleared from the books in no time!"

Jim tipped his fedora, giving one last smile before heading down to the trenches.

Spoiler


Done in five minutes off the top of my head. Enjoy.





Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 11:56:11 PM by Sandtrap