Is it gay or masturbation?

It's gotta be one or the other. No both or gay masturbation options.

Though Das is allowed to post a gif on how hot he finds it

gay

but masturbation is gay too

Wew I am not gay.

It's gay since your conscious still exists inside only your own brain and it isn't shared between the two bodies.

Better question, is it incest?

Wincest.

The real question is if I'm riding my own moustache or not.

I would love to have sex with myself even if it's gay

I'll be like "you thinking what I'm thinking?" and I'll be like "Yeah I'm thinking what you're thinking"

If I had a Portal gun and I used it to penetrate myself, would that be gay?

it's actually the straightest form of sex possible

Wrong.

Fapping to trap porn is the least gay thing there is. If you fap to gay porn, that's 2 guys, and that's 100% gay. If you fap to 'straight' porn, then that has a woman, sure, but you're also fapping to a guy, which makes it 50% gay. But a trap is like half male, half female, and thus a trap with a girl would add up to 75% girl, and thus only 25% gay. 2 women would be ideal, but that would be a lesbian relationship, which brings it around to gay again.

If I had a Portal gun and I used it to penetrate myself, would that be gay?

This should've been the OP.