i just had an epiphany

Assassin 11D7 · April 18, 2020, 02:06:21 AM

It started out as a joke. My friends had joked about it - even egged each other on to try it. We all laughed at the concept.

Fucking a bowl of cheerios? The mere idea sent shivers down my spine. The initial roughness in texture. The cold milk shrinking my erect penis.

"What joy could there be in that?" I thought to myself.

After a few weeks nobody brought it up anymore. We'd moved on to different jokes and catch phrases as most groups do. They weren't as funny, but they definitely weren't as weird. We did the usual things and Friday was drinking day. By 2:00 am all four of us were plastered. Jake let out a long sigh after pounding another shot of SoCo and Kevin was loudly snoring on the couch. After a twenty minutes or so it was just Steve and I alone left finishing off our remaining beers.

"Dude hold on," Steve smiled. "What's up man?" I said in my drunken stupor.

Steve sloshed his way over to his refridgerator and removed a gleaming white bowl from the fridge. I instantly knew what it was.

"What the shit fuck is that Steve?" I asked "Fuckin Cheerios man. You should fuck them!" He seemed excited. "Dude it was just a joke. Don't tell me you..." I was cut off. "Naw dude I didn't fuck no cheerios. But I will bet you $50 you won't do it." I had my excuse. "Fine fucker I'll do it." I was becoming erect already. "How will I know you did it, huh?" I froze up. My erection started to die. "Is this some elaborate ploy for you to see my fucking dick, bro?" I shouted, nearly waking our sleeping companions. "Nah dude I just don't want any fucking cheating, man. I got $50 on this shit." "Fine, I'll do it with my back to you and just stick my dick out through my fly." I was erect again.

We both went silent. I carefully walked to the corner of the room and looked down upon the soggy mash of Cheerios awaiting my erect cock.

They were Honey Nut.

Without waiting I plunged my eager tool deep into the bowl. The milk washed upon my swollen testicles as they dipped into the soft contents of the bowl. I thrusted gently and realized how the cheerios seemed to react to the shape of my member.

The bowl was deeper than I expected. I heard crys of laughter coming from Steve but I kept going. I wave of white anticipation struck me as my penis grew stiffer and my balls rumbled with an all to familiar feeling.

I came. I came into that honey nut flavored bowl of beaten cheerios. My semen mixed flawlessy into the color of the bowl. My knees went weak. My breathing hastened.

"I fucking love cheerios," I said with a smile.

Three days had past since my first cheerio-man encounter.

I had since then started experimenting with different things. I tried chocolate milk, but it the whole experience just felt... interracial. I tried adding sugar as well but the clean up became a hassle.

Finally I settled on bananas. They were the missing part of the equation. The cheerio inspired orgasms had doubled in strength, but my roommates were growing suspicious. I had never ate cheerios in the two years we'd lived together and now I was going through a box per day. And nobody had ever seen me eat a bowl. I knew I had to be careful.

I called Steve to to joke about it a few days after it had happened and he didn't remember. I lost $50 but gained an experience that can only be equated with touching God. It was a fair trade.

With Steve out of the way I felt a little more relaxed.

"But not as relaxed as I could be," I whispered quietly to myself. A grin formed on my face as I slowly exited my room and made my way down the stairs. Only my roommate Lynn was home. She was gorgeous, but I had no time for girls.

I had cheerios.

I carefully poured the bowl of cheerios into the deepest bowl I could find. I delicately sliced one whole banana and placed it meticulously around the bowl.

"This is going to be a great night," I thought.

I snuck outside to let the cheerios moisten, my penis throbbing in anticipation. My mouth moist as if the cheerios had some Pavlovian effect on me.

I snuck inside quickly and plunged my cock straight into their cool, soft innards. I thrust my head back in pleasure as the banana slices gently caressed the sides of my swollen prick. It had been only a few minutes, but showers of cum sprang from my penis mixing into the milky broth. A quiet whisper escaped my lips.

I began to cleanup and headed to the sink to was h the dish when I heard it.

"What are you doing?" My roommate Lynn stood there barely awake. "I uh just having a bowl of cheerios," I smiled. "I'm fucking hungry and you keep eating them. Now I'm craving em. Hand em over."

I was erect again.

She eagerly filled her mouth with my magic potion of cheerios, banana's, and semen infused milk.

"God this is good. No wonder you like it so much," She said as little streams of milk poured down her chin. "Heh, you're getting it all over yourself," I said. "Oh, I'll get it," She licked her chops in a way that made gave my rod a new precum finish. "This is so much better than usual - what did you add?" "Se-se-se-seenamon," I sputtered. "It doesn't taste like cinnamon, but it does taste really familiar," I always knew she was a slut.

She looked as if she winked at me, but I played it off as if my eyes were playing tricks on me. She sloppily finished off the bowl and hopped up on counter. She put the bowl in the sink and placed her hands next to her.

"I always knew you were a Cheerio fucker," This time she definately winked at me.

Life had been good since Lynn called me out about my new addiction. The truth was she loved the subtle semen taste mixed with milk as her ex used to cum in her soy milk when he was mad at her. She caught him doing it but had already developed a taste for it.

So our relationship started. I would sneak out of my room late at night and plunge my rod deep into a bowl. The thought of her devouring it the next day made harder than I thought possible and when I came it was, well, amazing. My life had taken a turn for the best and I was loving every minute of it.

About two weeks into our relationship Lynn informed all of us roommates that her Sister and her daughter would be staying with us for a couple of days because of a fire at their house. I guess money was tight and they couldn't really afford a hotel. Nobody really objected, but inside I was in turmoil. Could I really get away from my dark cereal obsession for a couple of days? I would have to try - I couldn't risk them finding out.

They showed up a that night and I could barely hold back the urge to plunge my cock into a bowl of oatmeal Lynn's sister made for her daughter. It was an idea I hadn't considered, but noted I must try.

We spent the rest of the night watching boring sitcoms on TV until everyone decided to get to sleep.

I laid on my bed for what seemed like hours. I couldn't hold back anymore. My erection had formed a circus tent on my bed and I knew what I had to do.

I snuck out of my room as I had so many times in the last few months and down the stairs. Lynn's niece was sleeping in her room, but Lynn's sister was asleep on the couch in that was less than 10 feet from the kitchen. If I was to do this I'd have to be stealthful, but the noises I made while fucking cheerios were ungodly. So I had another plan.

I'd fuck them in the bathroom.

I poured myself a bowl and snuck quietly into the bathroom near the stairs. I gave myself a few quick strokes to get me hard then I plunged right in. The cool milk creeped up my urethra and gave me a sort of numb sensation. I almost came right then, but I held back. My erect cock hit the bottom of the bowl like a sledge hammer of meat. I groaned as the soft but gritty texture of the cheerios rubbed against my sensitive penis. Pressure began building in my balls as the slapped against the outside of the bowl. I stopped and smiled for a second before resuming my unholy act.

And then it happened. I came but the sensation of fucking the cheerios so close to someone else took over and I came again - both ejaculations twice my normal size. I groaned loudly, but quickly caught myself.

I grinned to myself as I played the scene of Lynn eating these tomorrow in front of her sister and niece. She would barely be able to contain herself.

I walked to the door and went to open it, but as I approached I noticed I was hard again.

A warm feeling washed over me. One more load wouldn't hurt, right?

Yet I didn't sleep for long. I woke up early and went downstairs. I didn't watch to chance missing the show. I wanted to see Lynn get as worked up as she normally did when she swallowed her first bite of my cum and cheerios concoction.

She had gotten so worked up about a month ago that she had started fingering herself as she ate. I'm sure most guys would have gone crazy to the sight, but I was fixated on the soggy lumps of over-worked cheerios.

As I walked downstairs I heard the voices of Lynn and her sister. I hadn't really caught their names since I had been preoccupied with my secret so I figured now was a good time.

"Good morning guys!" I smiled at both of them as they sat on the couch and watched morning cartoons. "Good morning," they both didn't look up. "My names Jack. I don't think I got your names though," I put on a fake smile. "Well my names Karen and this little terror is Stephanie," She smile back at me as she pointed to her daughter, Lynn's niece. "Well it's a pleasure to meet you guys. Mind if I join you for some TV? I love this show."

I wedged in the seat next to Karen and zoned out waiting for Lynn to come downstairs. About 20 minutes later she did. She was dressed in a tiny mini skirt and a sports bra. She looked fantastic.

It was the first time since cheerios I had actually been turned on my a woman.

She mumbled a greeting and walked to the refrigerator. I became hard with anticipation and did my best to shift my position as to not alert Karen or Stephanie.

Lynn's eyes widened as she looked into the fridge. I could see her knees weaken a bit and she let out a little bit of a groan.

"Are you okay?" Karen asked her. "Uh, um, yeah. I'm just feeling a little sick." Lynn lied. "Oh, well if you need anything let me know. I can't thank you enough for letting us stay her. You too Jack."

Just then something terrible happened. Stephanie, who couldn't have been more than 5 years old piped up.

"Mommy I'm hungry!" She said.
Lynn's facial expression became devious. Mine became horrified. We both knew what was about to happen.

Lynn spoke before I could.

"Well we're out of breakfast foods really. But there is a bowl of cheerios in the fridge if you're hungry Stephanie." "I love cheerios," Stephanie sat right up and headed to the breakfast table. "They're a little soggy. Is that okay?" Lynn was clearly getting off on the idea. I hate to admit it, but I was too. Precum was oozing off my cock like the first time Lynn ate my cheerios.

Lynn handed her the bowl and a spoon and sat down next to here with a glass of OJ. Karen asked us if we could watch her while she took a shower and Lynn agreed.

"Why don't you join us Jack," Lynn smiled at me and I eagerly got up and headed for the table.

I sat down next to Lynn and noticed that she had already started playing with herself under the table. I smiled at her and she winked at me.

She took a sip of her orange juice and gently moved her hand out of her crotch and into my lap. She undid the button and tugged on my erect cock and gently started stroking it.

Meanwhile Stephanie was about to eat the cheerios. She was about to take her first bite when my conscience kicked in.

"Hey Stephanie," I said. "Hi Jack," She put the spoon down. "What if I take you out for some pancakes instead?" I smiled. "I love pancakes even more than cheerios!" She smiled. "But I mommy told me not to waste food!" Stephanie looked sad. "Well maybe Lynn will eat them," I smiled at Lynn but she wasn't having any of it. "No I'm not hungry. Jack why don't you eat them." As she spoke her grip tightened on my penis and the stroking stopped. "Yeah Jack, can you please eat them?" Stephanie's pleading eyes caught me off guard and I knew my fate. "Alright, I'll eat them. Then we'll go out for pancakes okay?" I gulped. I had never considered it but my cock was growing and Lynn could tell. She started stroking again. Her pace quickened as the cheerios got closer.

I took my first bite and nearly came as it washed down my throat. The strong honey nut flavor was complimented by the subtle saltiness of my own semen. I was worried that I might have been disgusted, but all hesitation was gone now. I was thoroughly enjoying every bite.

I could see now why Lynn loved it so much.
Each salty bite was like a wave of passion flooding over me and I could feel Lynn stroking my faster than before. The pressure was building and I knew I had limited time before I’d explode in a wave of euphoria. Normally I wouldn’t care, but Stephanie was still eagerly watching me devour my tainted cereal.

“Stephanie - why don’t you go and get dressed? I’m almost done and I know you’re hungry.” “Okay!” She hopped up from the chair and disappeared upstairs.

She was just in time to because as I heard the door slam Lynn dropped to her knees and slid my already pulsing penis into her mouth and then deep into her throat. She gagged a something I can only assume was sexy as I put the bowl to my lips and began to suck the thick milk and jizz mixture; slurping as loud as I possibly could.

I finally finished coming and Lynn sat back in her chair. “You have a really small penis, Jack” She laughed. “Hey – at least it’s circumcised!” This time I laughed. “Yeah, I can’t stand uncut guys. But seriously it’s kinda small. You’re lucky your semen is like nectar. I can’t get enough.” She licked her lips to show me she wasn’t kidding. “That’s good to hear. Thanks for that by the way. You almost compare to cheerios.”

A few months had pass since Lynn’s family left and I had kept up on my cheerios fucking adventures. Lynn still enjoyed her morning bowl and I had now upped it to four loads. But like any relationship things had become less exciting. I needed something to spice things up – to make things the way they used to be. I had let Lynn in on it, but she wasn’t very much help.

“Why don’t you just fuck me? I’m pretty hot and I can take a dick well,” It was the only thing she really said and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was too different and frankly kind of grossed me out.

But then I had an epiphany. Maybe it was time for a fantasy I had always had. My dick was already 4 inches deep into a bowl of cheerios as I came to the concept.

It was time to try corn flakes.

I went down to the local grocer and could barely contain my anticipation as I approached the cereal isle. Euphoria hit me like a sack of bricks as I walked down the glorious aisle. I had been here many times, but the concept of a new cereal made this experience new. It was like I had broken up with a girlfriend and could simply pick a new one for the price of $3.99 (or 2 for $5 with a club card).

My erection was obvious as I side stepped an older lady to get to the corn flakes. I’m sure she saw it, but I didn’t care. A white box with a giant rooster on beckoned me. It was almost as if it was meant to be. I started to leave the aisle but something didn’t feel right. I immediately figured out what it was. We were out of cheerios at home.

I picked up a few boxes of cheerios with a grin and headed to the check out.
When I got home I was greeted by six strangers - all of the trashed and all of them obnoxious. I had counted on a nice quiet evening with a bowl of corn flakes and maybe a bit of wine, but I would have to wait. My other roommate - Paul - was throwing a party. I couldn’t really complain because he was extremely quiet and never really did anything to step on anyone’s toes.

It didn’t matter. I’d just fulfill my mission in my room. Maybe Lynn would watch.

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed two bowls and a gallon of milk and hobbled up to my room. I knocked on Lynn’s door but she didn’t answer.

It looked as if tonight was going to be just me and my cereal.

''Ed: Original OP went to bed; another anon takes over the story from here''

I stared at the bowl longingly as I poured the cornflakes out of their box. My cock started pulsating as the orange tinged flakes toppled out into the bowl. Milk soon joined them, and my throbbing penis drew closer, almost with a mind of its own.

A few strokes to get hard, and I was in. The texture, the shape, the colour, the slightly roughened, non-circular edges caressed my meat as I plunged my dick further in. I had been taking penis enlargement pills on behalf of Lynn, who desperately wanted me all the way down her throat. My dick wasn't fitting the full way in, so I figured they must be working, and how!

Suddenly the door burst open. I wheeled around to see Lynn standing there, her eyes hungrily fixated on the bowl, wedged onto my dick.

"Is it my turn yet?" she inquired.

She flicked her brown hair and winked at me, and with a final thrust my load burst all through the cornflakes.

"Yes, just in time too."

She stalked over toward me, and grabbed the bowl off my crotch. Milk and stray flakes fell from my groin as she began devouring the fresh made bowl. Corn flakes were my new god, the shape and form created an ecstasy from which I could not hold back. Lynn looked up from her bowl, and questioned me for what seemed like the thousandth time;

"Please, Jack, can you fuck me while I eat this?"
My mind started whirring, I had formed a plan, a devious plan. I would give Lynn what she wanted, while escaping from my own dilemma of not wanting to fuck her. I would pour cornflakes and milk inside her. It would be orgasmic.

She seemed to read my thoughts, and nodded. I grabbed the packet of corn flakes and she fell onto the bed and spread her beautiful, long brown legs. I opened her wide, and started jamming in fistfuls of corn flakes with my hands. I added milk, and she yelped softly. I was throbbing with anticipation already.

I directed my pulsating cock into her moist pussy, her juices flowing and mixing with the milk and flakes. I jammed it inside her, forcing the cereal further and further inside her, fucking her with all the intensity I could manage despite the utter ecstasy I was in.

Harder and harder I pushed, her face staring up at me, milk mixed with my semen dribbling down her chin, wetting her tiny tank top. It was becoming too much. I thrust further and further inside her, the mix of cornflakes and pussy juices creating an amalgam of awesome that I just could not resist mentally.

"FUCK!" I screamed, as I shot what I would call one of the biggest loads I have ever felt through her system. Sh vibrated and clenched the bowl, dropping it to the floor, were it smashed, sending the contents scattering across the room.

I had made Lynn orgasm.

She immediately jumped up after she had recovered from the pleasure of the climax coursing through her body, and leapt off the bed. She then began licking the milk and flakes off the carpet, making distinct "Unghh" noises while she was doing it. I saw her thick, firm ass cheeks from behind, her pussy dripping with milk and juice, with the occasional flake falling out.

"I came inside you, Lynn." I said solemnly.

"I know, I'm on the pill, its okay." she said quickly, then resumed licking the flakes from the floor, her ass moving up and down slowly as she lapped up my body's fruits.

After that night, things seemed different. I couldn't find the same pleasure as I had fucking the cornflakes inside Lynn's pussy. I tried everything, I filled up a fleshlight with corn flakes, cheerios, bananas and milk but I just couldn't manage it, and Lynn didn't seem to be dropping any hints that she wanted more, and besides, she was going away for a month to see Stephanie and her mother's new home, and stay there for a while to "break it in".

After many unsuccessful attempts to reach the climax I had achieved before, I decided it was time for a more radical option, something I had considered yet never tried. I wasn't going to fuck a bowl, or a fleshlight, I was going to fuck the opening of a milk bottle, filled with cheerios, bananas, cornflakes and the rim lubed up to maximum.

I went to the store and purchased the ingredients. The checkout worker had come to learn my name and special, and as soon as I started walking towards him he already had the register open with my standard order programmed in.

"One more item today, Jer." I said to him, holding up the bottle of lubricant. He merely raised his bushy eyebrows and smiled, ushering me through.

"No need to pay for that one, with the amount of cereal you eat it must be a pretty inexperienced woman to have a thing for you!" He said, jokingly.

"Hey buddy, when you graduate from scanning my products to benefiting society, I'll take your opinion." I said, shoving the extra cash for the lube into his hand and walking out.

My hands were sweating all over the wheel of my car as I made the journey to my apartment. I raced in the door with my bags and set them on the table, and looked up to see Steve sitting there, watching TV.

"What are you doing here today bro?" I asked.

"Ah, I got the sack. By the way, did Lynn tell you before I left? There's some renovators coming in about 20 or so minutes to fix up the bathroom and buffer out some of those cracks in my walls, they're getting pretty damn big man."

"Oh. Cool." I responded. What the fuck! Where had this come from? Where would I bust this load now, my dick had been begging for it since I had arrived at the store and located the milk.

"How long will they take?" I inquired, covering my annoyance with nonchalance.

"Oh a few days or so. We're going to have to sleep and live down here for a while, is that cool?"

"Uh yeah, no worries... Where do I shit?" said I.

"Woah, uhm, well there's a public toilet not far away, a 1-2 minute walk, I was hoping you wouldn't mind if we could use that?" Steve said, going a little red in the face. This was really starting to get to me, however I retained my composure.

"Well dude, I don't know. Seems a bit of a stretch, but I guess we need to stop this place going to shit, so I'll have to cope." I was infuriated. He was sitting there, smug little grin on his face. He'd never done anything like this before. But I already knew what he was having for breakfast tomorrow morning. A quadruple shot bowl of Cheerios.

It was just a shame Lynn couldn't be there to enjoy it.

I grabbed my shopping off the table and walked back out the door. Steve looked up at me for a second inquisitively, then evidently dismissed the thought. I strolled on down to the public bathrooms in the park just near our place, and entered stealthily.

I unpacked my things onto the closed seat of the toilet. Tipping a fair portion of the milk into the toilet bowl, I grabbed up the cheerios and the cornflakes and made haste in emptying them into the partially drained bottle. I broke up the banana with my hands and added that too, I felt like I was on some rabid druggie cooking show. My cock rose up in my pants as I took the tube of lubricant and applied it to the rim of the bottle, my hands quivering with excitement.

Slowly I bent the completed orgasm tube towards my cock, a little of the contents spilling down my legs. One thrust, two thrusts, and it was in. And was it ever in. Jamming my dick back and forth out of this bottle was possibly equal with fucking Lynn's cereal VAGINA.

Suddenly from outside I heard the cruel laughter of young boys. Evidently just off some sort of bullying endeavour, they strutted into the bathroom, and started kicking my door. I screamed at them to fuck off, but they just laughed and kept doing it. Then Jack had a plan. Jack had a devious, evil plan.

I blocked out the noises of the kids smashing my door in, and kept furiously working the bottle back and forth along my cock. I started making noises, and there were a few distinct "What the fuck is he doing?" calls heard from outside, but nothing could stop me, this was everything I had been waiting for the whole day. I pushed harder and harder, my dick pulsating with carnal desire for my whole grain lover, when I felt my balls rumble.

It was time.

I ripped the bottle off my dick, and jerking myself furiously I charged out of the cubicle, cock dripping with milk and precum. And I fired the greatest load of sperm I think I have ever witnessed, from any human. The cum arced, and I watched almost in slow motion as if covered the baby face of some 12 year old ass hole, his backwards trucker's cap soaked in, his face a mask of terror. They all screamed like little bitches and fled before the advancing wrath of my throbbing member.

Instantly, I was hard again. I closed my sacred cubicle, and started pumping the bottle back and forth. Steve was going to enjoy his breakfast tomorrow, I thought to myself. Over about an hour I came four separate times into that bottle. My balls were black and blue, and I stumbled back to our place. Falling through the door, Steve was nowhere to be found. Hopefully he was out looking for work. I dropped onto the couch and set my watch alarm to wake me at 6am tomorrow morning to organise Steve's feast. It was about 8:30PM when I fell asleep.

The next morning I awoke to the beeping of my watch. Steve was on the floor, on some sort of mat that I didn't even know we owned. It looked pretty grungy, however it would have nothing on what he was about to eat. I got up groggily, sleep inertia clouding my senses, and stumbled to the fridge. Opening it, my jaw dropped. The bottle was gone.

I looked around, I couldn't see it anywhere. Had Steve found it? Had he already eaten it? Anxiety collected in the pit of my stomach. I ran into Lynn's room to see if I could find it, to find her, head tilted back, drinking the miasma of soggy cereal and four shots of my nut butter.

"Hey Jack. Work told me I needed to be back so I had to come. Speaking of come, this was pretty strong stuff. You been eating much raw salt lately?" she said, winking, and tossed the bottle into the corner and walked out of the room. I realised then that I wanted her again. I wasn't sure if she didn't want to take my dick any more or if she was playing hard to get, but I wanted her lips wrapped around my shaft, more than a good cold bowl of Cheerios.

But the fact still remained, Steve had escaped my wrath. So I formed a plan. A plan to win access to the warm bowl of Lynn's VAGINA and destroy the mind of Steve for subjecting me to the torture of those bastard children.

I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone.

Speaking to Steve, he said he was out last night at the bar, busy with his dealings with the ladies, as he likes to say. I decided to lie a little. I said that Lynn would be bedding in a hotel, and she told me to tell him this if he had woken up and she had left for work. He bought it like the docile fellow he is. I moved the conversation on to her room, and said that she had proposed that either of us could sleep in her bed. I decided to "martyr" myself for him, and allowed him to use it while she was away. He had a huge thing for her, and he'd probably skeet from just being in her room. I convinced him to have another night out at the pub, and that perhaps his luck would wax strong tonight with concerns to the "ladies". By no means was Steve an unattractive man, and I hoped he'd find some early consolation before having his mind obliterated.

Part A of the plan was complete. Part B would be initiated when Lynn arrived home from work. But first, a trip to the store for the supplies. The delivery must be perfect if I was to pull this off with maximum efficiency. Thus, away I went, and arrived home about an hour before Lynn was due home. Perfection. Steve had left the house too, even better.

Part B rolled into action. I had purchased a little something extra today from the chemist, and by purchased, I mean I asked my friend at the counter for it and he handed it over free of charge, on the condition that I explained the whole story to him. By the way Andrew, if you're out there, you're part of the reason I'm writing this. I know you're lurker. Anyway, I had me some Viagra. I didn't know what would happen if I took this, but I knew that if I was going to get as much semen into the bowl as I needed, then I was going to need stimulation worthy of Zeus.
When I arrived home, I poured myself a bowl and quickly shot off my first two loads. This wasn't even a challenge anymore. As my cock started to hurt, I took the viagra. Instantly I was revitalised, and managed a full three more loads sprayed into the bowl. But my last tablet I was saving for when Lynn got home. I quickly cleaned everything up and got to my room, where I lay in wait. My cock was in terrible pain, but I needed just one more load, for Lynn.

I heard the front door click open. It was about 11PM at the moment, she was about three hours late, which seemed odd. She walked inside, I heard the fridge open, and a grunt of dismay. She then called my name.

"Jack? You home?"

I decided not to respond. I was standing in her room, totally naked, packed of cornflakes on the floor, milk in one hand, and the quintuple shot Cheerio bowl in hand. I quickly trod on the "send" button on my phone, which lay beneath my feet. The message would arrive on Steve's phone any second.

"Get back here now, preferably with the girl you're talking to. I have a nice surprise for you two."

Steve was the kind of man that couldn't resist a good surprise, especially one which involved him and another woman. He'd be home soon.

The handle on the door to the room slowly began to turn. I had taken exorbitant amounts of viagra and my cock felt as if it was going to explode. The door creaked open, and there she was, in her work clothes, a tight black skirt, hair done up, and a suit jacket over her shoulders. Her blouse was bursting, it was just too small for her tits. I assumed she had been going for a raise today. She looked at me with mouth wide open. Her purse fell to the floor.

"Cheerios? 5 shots in this one." I calmly stated.

She rushed at me, facade of disinterest gone from her eyes. She grabbed the bowl from my hand and literally plunged her face into its depths. I could hear soft "Unghh" sounds from her diaphragm, my dick was so hard it was unbelievable. She noticed, and grabbed it, and began to rub it. The feeling was amazing. I managed to murmer;

"Cereal... In your pussy?"

She managed to nod amidst the devouring of my honey nut butter Cheerios. She sat down on her bed, and started eating, as I grabbed the milk, cereal and banana, and began to create my concoction. I poured it into her VAGINA and stuck my cock in as soon as I could. I was fucking her hard as she munched on the Cheerios, my cries of ecstasy mixed with her grunts and snorts of pleasure. She was in heaven, and so was I. I kept plunging my cock in and out, until I realised that we needed so add something. I turned her over, and spread her ass cheeks, shoving fistfuls of cornflakes and cheerios into her tight anus. In went the milk, followed closely by my banana. I had found the meaning of life. I was drilling her in the ass, an ass filled with delicious cereal and my meat, together creating a miasma of pleasure that made me see Jesus.

When suddenly the door ripped open, and we saw Steve standing there, complete with some unattractive whore he had found at the bar. His mouth was wider than Lynn's anus. But that wasn't stopping us. There was shit and milk everywhere, my room mate standing at the door to the room, and me fucking his lifelong love in her ass while she ate a bowl of semen infused Cheerios.

My relationship with Cheerios is now serious.

We haven't heard from Steve in a long time.

And the volume of the profanities he was screeching, well that I'll take to the grave.

The Lord Ruler · April 18, 2020, 02:07:03 AM

I getting there please hurry

Assassin 11D7 · April 18, 2020, 02:10:18 AM

The human and covenant war had long ended. Humans and the sanghieli were now in a delicate diplomatic relationship. I met the arbiter at one of the negotiation meetings. Although the war was over, we needed to rebuild. the sanghieli, felt it was their duty to help us rebuild since they contributed to Earth's near annihilation.

We caught eachother's eyes for just a second, and we both fell in love. I didn't know how he felt about me until later that night, I was beamed out of my bed and kidnapped by thel. He was flying a seraph equipped with beaming technology. I woke up in surprise, I thought I was dreaming. I saw the arbiter looking at me. He said "don't be afraid human. What is your name?"

"j-jane". "jane...such a nice name for a human female." I don't know what came over me, because just then, I ran right at him and hugged him. Instead of pushing me away and acting surprised, he hugged me back. Then we both began to strip our clothes, without words. Just animal instinct.

We were both naked, I eyed his body over and noticed his sanghieli "pride" between his legs. It had a knot. I gently caressed the brand on his chest, filled with lust and desire and he nibbled on my breasts with his mandibles. They tickled. He said to me "Marry me Jane." and I looked up into his eyes. They were loving. "Yes...I want to be with you forever! Please....dominate this human!"He grinned at me and He then laid me on his bed, and gently spread my legs. I threw my arms around his back and gripped his shoulderblades as he thrust into me. His girth was incredible and his reach was far. I moaned and tensed up, he stopped. He looked down at me and said

"were it so easy"

Then he thrust the rest of the way into me, I felt the bulging knot barely pass through my lips. I cried out loudly, with passion. I told him how much I loved him , and to take me away on the great journey. His mandibles shifted in what appeared to be a grin. He pulled out, almost to the tip, and thrust back in. I reached up and kissed the mouth inside his mandibles, they raked gently against my cheeks. I felt his long digits graps my buttocks and squeeze. It tickled, and I moaned. I loved him so much. I was in heaven.

Thel growled and picked up the pace, thrusting inside of me again and again and again. He grabbed a hold of my arms and then pinned them down, growling as he gave it to me. I felt the all too familiar feeling of impending climax, and so did he. I heard of and felt him grunting more and more, and I screamed as my body was ravaged by the most white hot orgasm I ever felt. My toes curled, I thought I was going to pass out as he shot his seed into my depths. I could feel it overflow and gush out the sides of my sex. Here I was thinking that the war was over. But now I had been totally dominated by a handsome elite. I loved it. I wanted to have his babies.
____________________

A few months later, I found out I was pregnant. I didn't think it was possible! I did not have any relations with any men! Well, no human men at least. I told thel that the child may be his. We were both very happy and very excited. Perhaps a half-human half-elite child would help unify our race! But more than that, he was ours. The child would be the product of our love.

The day finally came and I was rushed to the hospital. Both sanghieli surgeons and human surgeons helped deliver our baby. It was painful, but I was now a mother. SO pushed, and soon I heard a strange crying/wheezing sound. The nurses gasped, their faces twisted with horror. They handed me my baby. He was beautiful. He had blond hair, like me and he had his father's mandibles. One of his eyes was blue, and one of them was yellow with an elliptical pupil.

I held him in my arms and showed him to thel. He looked at me and told me he loved me. But then.... our child exploded. The ddifferent genetic chemicals reacted to eachother when they were exposed to air, causing an internal expansion. I cried, and thel set his and on my shoulder and said

"were it so easy jane. " Then he cried with me.

Assassin 11D7 · April 18, 2020, 02:11:39 AM

>Muh mace Cease with thine knock down power meme. The greatest advantage in manly combat is surely blow placement. For would not a swift thrust with a steady hand to the throat kill a pikeman, be it with dirk or claymore? Please, proceed to mislead observers that your manhood is not below the standard of good Christian men, sodomite.

Assassin 11D7 · April 18, 2020, 02:12:45 AM

That's what he gets for being one of the biggest shitbags around. People used to kick the shit out of nerds, we just did it digitally

Verbatim · April 18, 2020, 02:13:08 AM

Quote from: SoporificSlash on April 18, 2020, 01:31:49 AM

is the aphephany that your gay?

my gay is better than your gay

Assassin 11D7 · April 18, 2020, 02:13:56 AM

FKUCING GOT HIM

The Lord Ruler · April 18, 2020, 02:14:11 AM

Slam dunked

April 18, 2020, 12:25:21 PM

I watched that show religiously as a kid, liked it much better than Spongebob which I found creepy at times.

Take that as you will.

MarKhan · April 18, 2020, 12:35:46 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on April 18, 2020, 02:13:08 AM

Quote from: SoporificSlash on April 18, 2020, 01:31:49 AM
is the aphephany that your gay?
my gay is better than your gay

My bi is gayer than your gay.

Verbatim · April 18, 2020, 12:41:53 PM

Quote from: SecondClass on April 18, 2020, 12:25:21 PM

I watched that show religiously as a kid, liked it much better than Spongebob which I found creepy at times.

Take that as you will.

i always thought butch hartman's humor was like a kid-friendly seth macfarlane, so i guess i'm not surprised

April 18, 2020, 02:04:28 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on April 18, 2020, 12:41:53 PM

i always thought butch hartman's humor was like a kid-friendly seth macfarlane, so i guess i'm not surprised

Wait YES, that perfectly describes it. I think Butch Hartman wrote for Family Guy for a time too.

April 20, 2020, 12:23:43 AM

To be totally fair, there's probably a lot of childhood stuff out there better left forgotten. And then there's shows like totally spies and total drama island which live on immortally via wankfest in young adults still tapping into the golden teenage nostalgia of years long past.

April 20, 2020, 04:54:22 AM

Quote from: E on April 20, 2020, 12:23:43 AM

To be totally fair, there's probably a lot of childhood stuff out there better left forgotten. And then there's shows like totally spies and total drama island which live on immortally via wankfest in young adults still tapping into the golden teenage nostalgia of years long past.

Totally Spies is a genuinely hilarious, well-written show that only creeps find anything wankable in.

April 20, 2020, 09:44:32 AM

Only one part of that sentence is correct.

OnionBeetle · April 20, 2020, 09:44:49 AM

Ren and Stimpy.

Frost · April 20, 2020, 10:37:27 PM

Quote from: DAS B00T x2 on April 17, 2020, 09:46:18 PM

yeah idk fam i just want vicky to spit on me

Nice

Frost · April 20, 2020, 10:49:37 PM

Reminder that Timmy used Cosmo and Wanda to practice necromancy, meaning that's not against the rules for some reason