Quote from: Sandtrap on December 21, 2014, 07:59:47 AM

Quote from: True Turquoise on December 21, 2014, 07:56:52 AM

Death is death. Nothing more

You're missing the point. Death is death. And a few days ago, I died. Flat lined. I was gone for about a minute before they jumpstarted my heart again.

But I'm not talking about death. I'm talking about what you stand to lose. What you stand to lose while you're here.

Full on flat-lined? Asystole? Because that's extremely rare to survive. By rare I mean almost never.

Not completely as I hear. I went down down down. They zapped me and got things going. And then I went down down down some more.

I just dropped and pretty much hit the ground and then they got me back up.

I can't really say because I sure as fuck wasn't there watching the show with popcorn.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 21, 2014, 10:13:35 PM

Quote from: aTALLmidget on December 21, 2014, 10:11:20 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 21, 2014, 07:59:47 AM

Quote from: True Turquoise on December 21, 2014, 07:56:52 AM

Death is death. Nothing more

You're missing the point. Death is death. And a few days ago, I died. Flat lined. I was gone for about a minute before they jumpstarted my heart again.

But I'm not talking about death. I'm talking about what you stand to lose. What you stand to lose while you're here.

Full on flat-lined? Asystole? Because that's extremely rare to survive. By rare I mean almost never.

Not completely as I hear. I went down down down. They zapped me and got things going. And then I went down down down some more.

I just dropped and pretty much hit the ground and then they got me back up.

I can't really say because I sure as fuck wasn't there watching the show with popcorn.

Oh, did they say what caused it? Ventricular tachycardia or ventricular fibrillation, and why? Just body stress? I'm just surprised tbh, because you're young and MI's for young people aren't common.

Heyo. Here's the thing amigo. I was born premature as a wee baby. My heart's been sub-par from the start. I was on a machine for about two weeks after being born because my heart couldn't keep going without skipping and wanting to stop.

I had an infection a while back this year and that fucked around a lot with my heart. And, as of late, the strains were too much. Chemo and all the other crap. I was originally in the hospital because of a clot in my noggin, a hemmorage. Not related to my tumor thank fucking christ. They lowered my blood pressure to slow things down and that's where stuff started getting sketchy. My heart started skipping again.

It's not really a weak heart I guess. But it's a bit more susceptible to being fucked around with. That's why I steer clear of coffee because I can feel it. I can feel how fucking fast it goes. And even though I'm healthy, some days when I push myself I need to slow down because I can feel it.

And now that it's fucked a little bit I can feel that little irregular thump that's out of place. So. Big words from the doc. Ha. No good. I ask him to tell me stuff in simple terms.

Basically, my heart wanted to go out for a pack of smokes and never come back.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 21, 2014, 10:26:29 PM

Quote from: aTALLmidget on December 21, 2014, 10:16:27 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 21, 2014, 10:13:35 PM

Quote from: aTALLmidget on December 21, 2014, 10:11:20 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 21, 2014, 07:59:47 AM

Quote from: True Turquoise on December 21, 2014, 07:56:52 AM

Death is death. Nothing more

You're missing the point. Death is death. And a few days ago, I died. Flat lined. I was gone for about a minute before they jumpstarted my heart again.

But I'm not talking about death. I'm talking about what you stand to lose. What you stand to lose while you're here.

Full on flat-lined? Asystole? Because that's extremely rare to survive. By rare I mean almost never.

Not completely as I hear. I went down down down. They zapped me and got things going. And then I went down down down some more.

I just dropped and pretty much hit the ground and then they got me back up.

I can't really say because I sure as fuck wasn't there watching the show with popcorn.

Oh, did they say what caused it? Ventricular tachycardia or ventricular fibrillation, and why? Just body stress? I'm just surprised tbh, because you're young and MI's for young people aren't common.

Heyo. Here's the thing amigo. I was born premature as a wee baby. My heart's been sub-par from the start. I was on a machine for about two weeks after being born because my heart couldn't keep going without skipping and wanting to stop.

I had an infection a while back this year and that fucked around a lot with my heart. And, as of late, the strains were too much. Chemo and all the other crap. I was originally in the hospital because of a clot in my noggin, a hemmorage. Not related to my tumor thank fucking christ. They lowered my blood pressure to slow things down and that's where stuff started getting sketchy. My heart started skipping again.

It's not really a weak heart I guess. But it's a bit more susceptible to being fucked around with. That's why I steer clear of coffee because I can feel it. I can feel how fucking fast it goes. And even though I'm healthy, some days when I push myself I need to slow down because I can feel it.

And now that it's fucked a little bit I can feel that little irregular thump that's out of place. So. Big words from the doc. Ha. No good. I ask him to tell me stuff in simple terms.

Basically, my heart wanted to go out for a pack of smokes and never come back.

Is there any way to help it at all? Or just basically rest and hope for the best?

"Yo sandtrap, I realize you got shit to do an' all, but I'm on my break just sit the fuck down okay?" - Your heart

Ha. The best I can hope for is to stay healthy and do healthy shit for my heart. It's a muscle after all. It is wonky. And it is out of balance. But it still works. I eat my greens and do healthy active stuff and I can strengthen it as best I can.

But it doesn't change the fact that even if I didn't have any of this stuff to deal with, one day my heart might just decide to go out for a pack of smokes and not come back. And I'd be ding dong dead.

But I've managed 22 years so far. Who's to say I can't push it a little farther?

Inspirational...never had it as hard as you. The only difficult thing I had to deal with is ulcerative colitis but haven't been sick for years. Today I realized I have to start living more, and can't be afraid of anything because you can't live life that way. Tonight I saw the Hobbit with friends I haven't seen in two years. And it made me happy and sad at the same time. It felt like the last time I saw them was a short time ago and not two full years.

Hard? I wouldn't call it hard. Not anymore. I can see and I can feel. And despite the fact that I feel like I've been rolled over by a truck, I'm a walking bundle of a million bucks right now. Too happy to be kept down. I hurt a fair bit. But at the same time I feel good a fair bit.

But you're right. It is happy sad isn't it? I return to this all. A life that's within reach and grasp. I could make it so wonderful. And yet, it's so far away, and always makes itself difficult.

And time. Oh how time is the master of insults and feelings.