Been up and down because of the breakup. Been meditating for over an hour a day + tons of spirituality exercises etc for weeks/months

Lately something weird has been happening. It's almost like I can FEEL all of my emotions as they come in. I've been feeling any anxiety/sadness/anger very strongly, strongly than ever before, but I let it sit there and just feel it and it dissipates. Hard to explain

Today I was feeling very sad and anxious for no reason.  I was in Barnes n noble and couldn't even concentrate on reading because I felt so uneasy. But I just sat with my pain. Got home and went to the gym. At the gym something clicked and for the past 3ish hours be been basically euphoric. I'm so happy and tingly everywhere, and so fucking present. Conscious of every breath. My friends were saying I'm in an extremely good mood and it was rubbing off on them.

Going to go to the bars tonight with the lads for cinco de mayo. Feel so happy. I'm logging this cause idk wtf is up but I've honestly never felt this good in my life. I might not even drink actually because It will probably take this feeling away.

I feel as though you speak of experiences similar to this at least once a month

Nah I haven't felt this good ever. It's a very clean feeling. I have had slight euphoric experiences out of nowhere years ago but they lasted 5-10 minutes

Wow, horrible night. I felt like absolute shit the MORE I drank alcohol. It's like I was very aware and present, and the more I drank the more it dulled that presence I had. I don't mean this in a typical way at all. It's like I could observe the effect the alcohol was having on my thoughts, instead of getting lost in it freely like I always have in the past(fun).

This was pretty shitty, I didn't get to lose myself and be silly at all. I was still the exact same just observing my faculties slowing down. No less inhibition or anything. I ended up being in a bad mood for the rest of the night. Also saw my exes very first boyfriend there, he knows who I am because he always would hit her up and she'd snap him a pic of me etc. he stared at me hard and it brought up a ton of emotions and thoughts

If I continue these practices I really might just give up alcohol. It puts me in a worse state than I am becoming.

"ok"