Imagine if you thought your way into dizzying insanity. If your perception of reality could become detached simply by contemplating the axioms of its foundation. I suppose them if you forgot them for a second, then reality may be very strange and confusing. If thinking of them in a different way was enough to begin to change your reality then I suppose we could have already changed our realities. But what if we were to try to change our reality through pure thought. Let me try.

I cannot see what is behind the other side of that wall, so I must believe that there are things in between the other side of the wall which are blocking my view. What are these things which are blocking my vioew? I see a bunch of little spheres called atoms, at least, that is what science tells me. I can’t actually visualize what an atom is, becauseI have never seen an aytom with my bear eyes.

Instead of the atom, we have instead merely the surface texture of some object or other. That texture is always a different color. It is part of the rainbow of colors. The rainbow of colors is caused by the different frequencies in waves. The higher the frequency, the closer towards, violet, the lower, the closer towards red.

But these concepts called red, blue, waves, freqwuencies, all of them just appear to me as images. They are images of a little zig zag line denoting the waves, of the condept of a color based ion what I have experienced. I cannot actually touch the reality of these concepts, they exist only in my mind.

It would seem that I find myself at a stand still. I can now realize tyhat I can only break down concepts into these pictures, when it comes to the reality of the world outside my head. But what about other things, like touch? What abouyt words? Mathematics? I am only a feeling robot, I am hooked up to my senses, and I feel them as they arrive, and then I have only the memory of the thought in passing.

But I am teathered to this thing called reality, privileged by the scientific understanding. Yes, that is what it is. If I had no concept of reality, then maybe I would not only be a feeling machine, teathered to the box, and the box receiving input through a few clear rubber tubes feeding all of these things into the box. That box is the enemy. I am angry at the box, because it contains the whole totality of my experience.

Now what is this? Anger? I am apparently angry at the box, but the box is me. I am angry at myself, I am angry at this concept which I created. I only made myself angry. It’s not working, I failed to make myself go insane. I can still maintain a lucid vision, a consistency in reality; reality has not all of a sudden become unfamiliar. But my concepts are only pictures. It is because of the box! Smash the box! The picture of the box is gone, after it disappeared in a poof, rubber tubes and all. But yet, the memory of the box lives on. Terrible certainty.

Why am I so unimaginative, I can only think of my own thoughts in a meta sense? If I were a true writer, I may say beautiful poetic things, but I have no sense of poetry, I have no sense imagination. I cannot create anything, I cannot say something which lays outside of the realm of the certain - HAHA. Laughter. It is absurd. True absurdity is silliness. Yes, it is the thing which fights off the destruction of your mind through filling you with distractions.

But most laughter is simply courtesy laughter. How often does one laugh and they are actually warding off the absurd? For a moment it felt as though it was gone, but then I remembered. Certainty. You must follow certainty, or else, if you wanted to create a fictional story, or if you wanted to convey some message… you would not be able to create a plot line with any logical consistency. Working within the parameters of what is consistent, is what gives people their fucking certainty. SMASH THE BOX!

But when will reality ever not be consistent. It is not you who imposes the consistency on reality, it is reality which imposes consistency on you. You cannot escape consistency. You cannot be certain that the next moment will be uncertain, because each moment was always certain. The constant stream of reality which binds you your sanity.

But why would you want to go insane? It is always when you think, or are afraid that you’re going insane, when feel a terrible fright comes over you. But you are never actually insane, it is only that you forgot for a moment something you were about to say, or you were not coordinated with your surroundings, a thing which always can happen to someone when they’re ehem. So that gives you the feeling of fright. The feeling of fright is because you felt that you were going insane Certainty. But if you are certain of something, that would mean you’re actually insane, so you could never know whether you are insane, because you would be certain you’re not insane.

If you were certain of things which can’t be true, then you could never know if you are insane or not insane. Except of course, if you saw things which were certainly unusual, and you had no control over whether you saw them or not. This would be an invasion of the unusual into the certain. Take for instance, you think you hear a voice, but it turns out to only be sound of the piano player’s breath in a rather well recorded classical music CD, or some background static.

Maybe you are confused, and momentarily you don’t know where sounds are coming from. You hear a sound which you are certain signals your insanity. But no, it turns out the sound was only part of something going on in the room. The concretity of the room around still applies. The colors, the shapes. They’re so familiar. It is so frustrating. I may as well just get used to this, but there is no getting used to it.

I analyze and I analyze, but yet I am still attached to reality. Or maybe I just want to be. Sometimes I feel that it is simply because I do not let myself, because I am afraid, to let go and simply experience the world as if it was detached from myself. I am fraid to let go of this reality. Maybe whenever I start to lose track of what sound is coming from where, what thought came from where, that because of fright I simply do not let myself go. Social pressure to conform, I suppose

I think that when you start to forget that you may have succeeded a little, and your brain is trying to shut down the thought before it leads you a place of which it is difficult to return. You start to forget what you were about to say, and you want to reach that point in your mind where you have stopped… thinking, about reality. No. It is that sad certainty again. I forget… Yes, I see now. When your mind starts to forget what it was about to say and cannot connect the dots anymore, because it confused itself.

I certainly did confuse myself, i cannot connect what I was trying to say down that train of thought together anymore. That feeling of trying to gather the strands of what you were going to say together, that is the feeling of uncertainty, it is when you start to feel as though the sounds around you are coming from random places, and you afraid that they came from your own mind, that you imagined them. But how could you, when it the box with the clear plastic tubes coming out, just feeling information in?

Perhaps it is because inside that box, the connectors start sending signals out, instead of signals in. It was reversed. The senses in your mind started projecting themselves back out to the sense organs which sense in the body. It takes signals from inside the box and it stops feeling as though they are coming directly from your sense. Could insanity perhaps be the reversal of the direction your senses are sent inside your brain? But that is too simple, this reversal of the senses…

Surely there are more complicated metaphysical concepts which I could try to fuck myself up with. This just goes to show my lack of imagination. I am so bound into familiar signals of reality, that I cannot construct things which aren’t combinations of other signals like the paintings of Euronymous Bosch. All the little animals in the painting, they are all simply constructions of multiple forms seen in nature. Color, shape, size. The things by which we could not imagine they “exist” without… I feel dizzy…. without using pieces of what we have gathered through our boxes to construct these forms.

But could your mind create a form? One completely detached from this reality in which you could not have received through your box? I think experience says this is impossible. Perhaps to see, and not comprehend. The absurdity. That is the opposite of certainty. It’s absurdity. To look at a thing and have no concept of what it is. Not to apply these meanings to it, but to look at it and LMAO… I just thought of how Jean Paul Sartre hallucinated crabs… but anyways, as I was saying… it did it again, I started to forget… oh yes… to look at it and not comprehend what it is at all.

That is strange, when you forget. You wonder what happened to your thought. Why did it get cut off, what is this consistency of memory? Why would thoughts be scary, when you have god? God is when people project their meaning on to something beyond it, hence god is a reflection of the ego. God is you, and whatever you think about reality. The concept of god is so silly. But it makes some people happy. You would have to be truly insane to think that there is another thing separate from this reality called god. Because it cannot be perceived with your mind in this reality. It is the thing on the other side, it is the familiar thing which you imagine things about.

Yes, I see. And this thing does not have to be a person, it could be anytrhing. It could be the universe. You could make up whatever you want about it and it would be true, because you said that it was true. Oh yes. This is truly a crazy thought. It leads your mind off on a tangent, thinking about all the constituent parts of this concept.

However, when you think about it, you as a secular person are projecting your own thoughts onto the universe. So in a way, atheists are projecting their ego onto the concept of it just as much. You make assumptions about reality, the god believers project assumptions based on their own observation. Yet for someone who believes in god they certainly function pretty normally in their lives. Projection. Why is it that I don’t believe in god? It is because projecting myself onto the world is just as silly as projecting myself onto god, when god is myself. Just the same as it is silly to project yourself onto the world.

Yes, I think it is silly to project myself onto a negative image of myself, across from me, perhaps inverted in colors, perhaps I am white, and it is black, denoting yin and yang (oh, not really, that was just a silly symbol I threw in to try to sound deep, and it failed!). I think instead it is more realistic to just project the signals I collect back onto the world around me, and not assume that the signals came from the negative image of myself, but simply to assume that the signals simply came from the world.

Yes, I do not contain this duality that a god believer contains to make negative assumptions about myself. Not negative as in undesirable, but photo negative. But why would you be prejudice against the concept of god? Why would you be prejudice against a concept which is supposed to be inherently beautiful? No. It’s not always beautiful. Sometimes the idea of god can be extremely scary. People are supposed to fear god, because what does god do? God sends you to hell. Yeeeeees god sends you to hell. Hehehe.

Hmm, I forgot what I was about to say. But maybe that’s what the FUCKING certainty is. The certainty is when you can no longer remember what you were about to say. When everything goes back to assumptions. Maybe when you finally do achieve insanity, it is when you could remember what you were about to say, the memories don’t clear and fade for a moment leaving you with only…

wow, these sentences are hard to read sometimes after I think too hard about it. That is beyond a slight of memory, that is developing a difficulty to form concepts based on the words you’re using…. no what was I about to say? I apologize for making this sentence so disjointed, I could stop typing and just think about it instead of typing stream of consciousness. Hah! …oh, I meant to say fade, not fake. It was a typo. That’s what distracted me. Oh yes, I remember where I was. But the thing I thought I was about to say, I realized didn’t fit with the sentence. I realized that I was about to make an incorrect assumption.

Leaving you with only what? That really is the question. When your memory fades for a moment, it leaves you essentially with nothing. That nothing, the big nothing. The nothing which is most scary. So far we have the absurd, the certain, and now, we have the nothing. How can one really contemplat nothing? Nothing is not something which one can actually contemplate, because when you think of nothing, it’s not an a-priori concept, it is the abscence of an a-priori concept. Try to imagine a concept without it’s a-priori concept, you can’t.

Wasn’t I about to say something about god? I switched thoughts. Yes, now I see. Each thought is like a strand of string, each thought is like a train. All these threads. The thoughts come out of the box. Now we have a picture of some of the box with the transparent tubes on it going in, and the box is projecting all these strands of thought out, or does it go in? That is the thing. Inside your head, there’s all these electrical signals. It’s not that the thoughts go in or out. The thoughts merely exist in your head. It is not as though… oh yes, these thoughts make me dizzy… it is not as though they go in or out of a box.

I think I made a breathrough. Yes, this is the breakthrough. I feel as though I found an uncertain concept! If I think about these thoughts inside my head, after they have already entered my head, instead of just letting myself go and experience the thoughts outside my head, I think about them as though they are thoughts already in my head. In there I capture them. I don’t simply look into the world outside my head. But if… yes, I see. That is why I forget. I know what is in between these lapses in memories. The lapses in memory are me trying to think about the concept I was trying to think about necessary for me to have consistence of a memory, the certainty. It is me uncertain for a second. Yes, I found true uncertainty, and it is the lapses in between certainty, when you can no longer remember how reality fits together anymore only briefly, and they manifest themselves in a dumbing quality which makes you forget the thought you were about to say…. and come back to the certainty.

I cannot seem to escape the certainty, and I am sorry reader, but I just can’t do it! I am going to make you so bored, thinking about all these contrived concepts, that I keep coming back to because of my inability to keep a progressive thought going, just a repeat, boring thing, predictable! But I am projecting, and now you are god, if we are to go by the the assumption that god is only what you project yourself onto. Yes, I am projecting how I feel onto you. That is beautiful.

I can see now why I may care so much about what other people think. It is just because like how I project myself onto god, I project myself onto others as well. I project my own concept of reality onto the world, because it is not as though these strands could come out of my head, they are within my head. Everything is within my head. I guess this may be what Descartes would call the soul, or unity, and when you break it up, it is what Hume would call, the bundle self. Unity. God.

So to sum up. There is a box, inside your head, with see through rubber tubes going into the box. But strings which seem to go out from inside your head, when really, they are inside the box. But the box is what your consciousness is inside. There is no strings of thought in the box. The box is empty, except for electric waves. And you cannot relate to what is outside of the box, except through your own projection. It is with this box, that someone can think of reality, god, the self, certainty, nothingness, and uncertainty. It is all a part of the box. This is all I can be certain of. I realize now that I think, therefor I am. I am the thing inside the box. Hume’s bundle self, you cannot imagine a unity of it. You can only think of yourself. If you are a very empirical thinker, you are not an internal thinker. They are not an amalgamation of all the things around you if you are a thinker of unity, they are only a bundle if you imagine all the things outside your head as though they were outside of the box, such as Hume. He believed so strongly in perception, as Descartes did not.

I agree with my husband

I agree with my husband

You have a husband now, what the fuck?

Quote from: Carmen on December 26, 2018, 09:37:52 PM

I agree with my husband

You have a husband now, what the fuck?

I wish smh

I'd be the perfect housewife

I used to spend days examining my thoughts till i was forced to act. In doing so my actions reshaped my thoughts. You should do some traveling.

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