Okay folks. For starters, no, I don't want no pick me ups. I don't need encouragement of any kind. I just need to write this because it's been bugging me. It's on my head at all hours of the day. And I need to get it out. Here goes.

You folks may know that I have a sister. Around 26-27, she went legally blind when she got a serious batch of cluster headaches. The pain was so great that if the docs gave her any more morphine, it would have killed her. That pressure crushed her optic nerves.

Well, the point is, I am subject to that same condition. Violent, crippling headaches. But my circumstances are different. And a few weeks ago, I found out why. I started bugging the doctors. I thought something was wrong. Couldn't place my finger on it. But I got them to run tests. And eventually, they looked in the right place. So, here goes.

My headaches don't put pressure on my head. They are caused by pressure. The doc found a growth in my head. A dormant tumor. And it's too deep to cut out. Point is, at any time, that tumor could go active. And I wouldn't have long.

I've been dancing around this for a few weeks now. Because honestly, I'm scared. I'm worried, all the time. I mean, it's just there. It's always just there. And I can't fight it, the docs can't do anything.

I'm not so much sad, or depressed. In fact, I've grown bolder because of it. But I'm scared. Because for all I know, I'm out of time. And I don't want to go that way. I'd die with a cluster headache. And then internal bleeding and hemoraging.

That scares the shit out of me.

As I said, I don't need any kind words. I've sorted myself out. Except for the part about worrying. Feels good to say it though. I didn't tell my folks the news. Don't want that on their heads. But with you folks, I'm just a picture. I'm just a name, and a style of writing. I can talk to you because of distance. Because if I died, then you'd all move on.

So, thanks for listening.

Sandtrap why are you always in some kind of danger?

I seem to have a habit of putting myself in its path. But, this ain't my fault. Just something nice I inherited from my genetics, as it seems my sister did as well. Fuck, for all I know, she might have something in her noggin too.

I hope to fucking christ she doesn't. I'm actually glad it's me. She's got more of a life to lose than I do. I wouldn't call this danger. Just.... potential danger.

Quote from: Lemy the Lizerd on November 19, 2014, 10:04:44 AM

Sandtrap why are you always in some kind of danger?

He's a danger magnet.

You don't want encouragement so I'll just say it like it is, that fucking sucks.

Haha. You know what? It does fucking suck. I mean, it really fucking sucks. Completely! And now I've got to find some way to get this worry out of my head, because it's always there.

I shouldn't even say on my head. It's IN my head.

You can't seem to catch a break, can you? :/

I never caught any breaks anyway. I always felt like I have to be doing something with myself to make the day worthwhile. Don't be down about it though!

Something good came of it. I'm bolder. Because I fully realize that I could basically drop on the spot at any moment. So I have to make whatever time I've got count. And I aim on doing that.

Damn, I feel you.

I've had a migraine for 2 months now, and I usually get month long headaches and sporadic and ridicolously painful headaches.

The doctors have no idea what it is, all we can do now is look for a medicine that doles the pain, I have to take so many pills a day to atleast make them a little less painful.

You should try looking at some other things. I know that part of it is the food you eat. My sis has had to cut back on a fuck ton of foods because they pinned down what played a part in causing those headaches.

That's really scary. I hope it doesn't go active.

Quote from: Sandtrap on November 19, 2014, 10:42:52 AM

Quote from: BC1096 on November 19, 2014, 10:37:49 AM

Damn, I feel you.

I've had a migraine for 2 months now, and I usually get month long headaches and sporadic and ridicolously painful headaches.

The doctors have no idea what it is, all we can do now is look for a medicine that doles the pain, I have to take so many pills a day to atleast make them a little less painful.

You should try looking at some other things. I know that part of it is the food you eat. My sis has had to cut back on a fuck ton of foods because they pinned down what played a part in causing those headaches.

We've tried everything, it's not linked with foods, or things I do. It just happens. The only thing I know that triggers it is frustration. I get a major crippling headache if I get really frustrated with something. Which sucks.

It's tension based then. Stress related. I guess what you gotta do is get that tension and stress to fuck off.

As for me, I'm fucked. When I get the big crippling headaches that incapacitate me, I know where they come from now. Your noggin isn't completely rock solid, stone still. It sloshes around and bounces around in your skull. Shifts and moves. That dormant tumor doesn't want to move. So it puts pressure on my head, and starts up a headache.

Guess you and me'll just have to take it as it goes.

Got my fingers crossed for you.

Better un cross em' then! If I get lucky and live a full life, that's what? Another 50 years? You'll either hold the record for crossed fingers by then or grow tired of it on the first day!

Are you still having cluster headaches on a frequent basis?

Quote from: Sandtrap on November 19, 2014, 10:48:14 AM

Quote from: BC1096 on November 19, 2014, 10:44:13 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on November 19, 2014, 10:42:52 AM

Quote from: BC1096 on November 19, 2014, 10:37:49 AM

Damn, I feel you.

I've had a migraine for 2 months now, and I usually get month long headaches and sporadic and ridicolously painful headaches.

The doctors have no idea what it is, all we can do now is look for a medicine that doles the pain, I have to take so many pills a day to atleast make them a little less painful.

You should try looking at some other things. I know that part of it is the food you eat. My sis has had to cut back on a fuck ton of foods because they pinned down what played a part in causing those headaches.

We've tried everything, it's not linked with foods, or things I do. It just happens. The only thing I know that triggers it is frustration. I get a major crippling headache if I get really frustrated with something. Which sucks.

It's tension based then. Stress related. I guess what you gotta do is get that tension and stress to fuck off.

As for me, I'm fucked. When I get the big crippling headaches that incapacitate me, I know where they come from now. Your noggin isn't completely rock solid, stone still. It sloshes around and bounces around in your skull. Shifts and moves. That dormant tumor doesn't want to move. So it puts pressure on my head, and starts up a headache.

Guess you and me'll just have to take it as it goes.

Yup. Sorry mate, I wouldn't want anyone to go through pain like this.

I hope everything turns out well for you

Look at it this way. Me and my sis share a lot of common traits. I got the tumor, she got the bad eyes. She can survive with her bad eyes. But not with a tumor. So in fact, it's pain I would wish upon another. Me. I've got it, and she doesn't. That's fine by me.

Well, hopefully it doesn't grow anytime soon. Good luck.

Danka. Although, might not want to place anymore bets on the part of luck. Luck's been a little....iffy so far. Although, you could make a racket of it though. You could bet on luck then technically.

"10 bucks says he's got a week left."

I hope things change for the better.
But don't think you can't beat this. You beat the crap out of disease before, you can do it again.

You're Sandtrap!

Spoiler

and you have a BANSHEE  

No killin' tumors dude. This isn't a cold or broken bones. These are cells inside of my head. My own. And they're just waiting to go active under the right circumstances. The best I can do is hope that they don't go active for a long time, because the tumor is too deep in my head and the doc's can't cut it out without killing me.

The best I've got is rolling with it. Appreciate it though.

Quote from: Sandtrap on November 19, 2014, 11:17:23 AM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on November 19, 2014, 11:13:33 AM

I hope things change for the better.
But don't think you can't beat this. You beat the crap out of disease before, you can do it again.

You're Sandtrap!

Spoiler

and you have a BANSHEE  

No killin' tumors dude. This isn't a cold or broken bones. These are cells inside of my head. My own. And they're just waiting to go active under the right circumstances. The best I can do is hope that they don't go active for a long time, because the tumor is too deep in my head and the doc's can't cut it out without killing me.

The best I've got is rolling with it. Appreciate it though.

We recently found out my Uncle in his late 70's has 2 brain tumors. I think they removed one, but the other couldn't be removed because of location.

But hey, just like last time, I'm here for ya pal

Like I said. It's nice to just talk about this. Give it a little breathing room.

Christo this isn't the best thread to read when you're about to go have a CAT scan on your head. . .

Oh shit. Sorry bout' the timing. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

hope it doesn't go active man. Good luck with it.