I'm so tired

Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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I want to go back to how I was before. I hate all this shit. Meditation spirituality enlightenment I hate it all.


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S A D B O I S


 
Elai
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male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
how are you any different than you were before?


 
Hahahaha very funny Zonda
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RIP ENDIE
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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Hahahaha very funny Zonda
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Just be you. Just do you.


Doctor Doom | Mythic Invincible!
 
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the one true God is Doctor Doom and we should all be worshiping him.
and i want abs

care to trade


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lol seriously?


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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how are you any different than you were before?
A few weeks ago, due to a combination of extreme life stress/emotional turbulence, very elevated anxiety from a certain powerful steroid(which has since been dropped), and overall overthinking, I had a major panic attack and in the middle of it disassociated from reality and my self. It was like I was basically viewing myself viewing the world. I basically came to the full belief/understanding that there is no "me", "I'm" just a combination of lots of different factors like sensation and memory that all experience the world. Intellectually I know this because we're basically just atoms etc blah blah, but this became ingrained in me for some reason. And I have no control over anything I do really and neither does anyone else, it's all just an illusion. Again it's one thing to know this intellectually but this became ingrained in my core

Ever since then I've been having on and off moments with experiencing the world like this, where I realize im not real, the person I'm talking to isn't real and they don't even know it. It really fucks with my head man smh. When I get in these moments I experience the world literally moment by moment and it's exhausting.

The other half of the time I experience the world how I used to, but in the back of my head I'm aware of which way I'm perceiving it.

Not sure if it's placebo, I'm going crazy, or I just have more awareness now but whatever it is It's my reality now


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are


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One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are
For how long has this happened since the experience?


 
𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝑪𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
ok


 
TB
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#13
On the contrary whenever I have those kind of experiences meditation is the thing that allows me to feel refreshed and normal again.


 
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are
For how long has this happened since the experience?
The experience happened like 2 weeks ago Thursday, and since then I've experienced the euphoria maybe 3 times. Once when I was driving and saw the clouds, once when I was reading at a park, and the most intense last night at 3am in the car sitting talking with a girl. She was getting really deep about her life and it just overcame me like a wave, lasted maybe a good minute or so. Afterwards I nearly cried from happiness and I just started laughing for no reason. Top 5 best moments of my life tbh


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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On the contrary whenever I have those kind of experiences meditation is the thing that allows me to feel refreshed and normal again.
oh yeah another interesting thing is that since then my meditation can get pretty deep, like another layer of meditation/awareness


 
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Goodness gracious, great balls of lightning!
I'm already tired tomorrow


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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how are you any different than you were before?
A few weeks ago, due to a combination of extreme life stress/emotional turbulence, very elevated anxiety from a certain powerful steroid(which has since been dropped), and overall overthinking, I had a major panic attack and in the middle of it disassociated from reality and my self. It was like I was basically viewing myself viewing the world. I basically came to the full belief/understanding that there is no "me", "I'm" just a combination of lots of different factors like sensation and memory that all experience the world. Intellectually I know this because we're basically just atoms etc blah blah, but this became ingrained in me for some reason. And I have no control over anything I do really and neither does anyone else, it's all just an illusion. Again it's one thing to know this intellectually but this became ingrained in my core

Ever since then I've been having on and off moments with experiencing the world like this, where I realize im not real, the person I'm talking to isn't real and they don't even know it. It really fucks with my head man smh. When I get in these moments I experience the world literally moment by moment and it's exhausting.

The other half of the time I experience the world how I used to, but in the back of my head I'm aware of which way I'm perceiving it.

Not sure if it's placebo, I'm going crazy, or I just have more awareness now but whatever it is It's my reality now
If you abuse the wrong substances you can experience permanent dissociation from reality and it can happen in bursts as you're experiencing now. I'd recommend seeking help immediately.

What's the name of the specific steroid you used?
Its a derivative from the steroid equipose which can be known to cause anxiety in some. It's a shame I dropped it all because I was starting to look like a Greek god. I was getting bigger and leaner daily smh. Strength shot up and my muscles were diamond hard. I literally never looked that good in my life

Spoiler

I don't think it was just the roid. I think it was the combo of the extreme anxiety it gave me, plus the situation I got in that day which is when I discovered my ex was trying to get at my friends, all of it together was like the perfect recipe for an intense panic attack