I'm about to go in.

This is the beginning I have yet to perfect my wordplay
I care not what you say, I turn the cheek like messiah
The dash reads 100 I'm coming up faster than China
I spit so much I might need to see a dentist, my ego is titanium you cannot dent this
You cannot win this, you niggas are sloppy like a French kiss
I didn't want want to drop a nuke but I see they want to make me MAD
This is very sad, a question was all that I had, they say I am a cancer and now I will break bad

I want the throne like Caesar, I rise above like Jesus on Easter
I have holy rhymes, a divine grind, an ill mind I hop, son
I hate how people take shots like they have an automatic gun
I can see myself with an agent, all of you to me are agents
I'm in the Matrix, I am the one thus you cannot hide or run

Oh my god I'm in for the attack from all of these haters
My rhymes will blow your mind and have you breathing heavy like chronic masturbators
OMG I cook I'm like a baker, fuck all of you haters, you guys are so fruity like cheap Now and Laters
Please do me a favor and just sign a waiver cause you will be bodies, please go pray to your savior
God damn I'm colder than February, I say again you I will bury
I am the grim reaper your fate is scary, my bars so heavy this weight you cannot carry

Fuck being nice I'll pop off a massacre, I'll storm you like ISIS I hit you with lightning, this will be a disaster
OMG I'm more precise than complex chemistry, fuck dominoes I am the king of delivery
They focus on the small lines and ignore the ill bars, it's sick, I'm like Tony Montana I read this shit and my eye is scared

I have yet to see a decent reply because it's something yall don't got
I guess you listened when your mama said don't touch fire, I am too hot.

I SAID B8ED BREATH MOTHER FUCKER.
...

didn't see the edit. Use a new post next time so I get notifications. Make me search for this stuff.

I SAID B8ED BREATH MOTHER FUCKER.
...

didn't see the edit. Use a new post next time so I get notifications. Make me search for this stuff.

My bad, mane. I thought it was nice to have at the top of the page.

My rhymes will blow your mind and have you breathing heavy like chronic masturbators

Umm... guy... we don't breathe heavy. Our bodies are conditioned to the act quite well.

Stay bodied?
I don't get it.

Quote from: McLemon on August 06, 2015, 10:46:24 PM

Stay bodied?
I don't get it.

You're getting bodied by an internet rapper

I'm not though

I let the beat drop like old people with polio.

I hang dogs from trees so that I can raise the ROOF

Quote from: Mr. Orange on August 07, 2015, 04:01:26 AM

Quote from: Mr Psychologist on August 07, 2015, 03:50:34 AM

I let the beat drop like old people with polio.

I hang dogs from trees so that I can raise the ROOF

Why wasn't the chicken able to cross the road?

Spoiler

Because it was disabled

the doctors say I have a disease,
but I find that really fucking hard to believe

Chally, I think you're being rused.

If not, well good for you OP.

Quote from: Lord Starch on August 06, 2015, 08:42:24 PM

I'm about to go in.

Stop

Quote

This is the beginning I have yet to perfect my wordplay

And you never will lol

Quote

I care not what you say, I turn the cheek like messiah

Then wrote a wall of text that barely rhymes like the messiah

Quote

The dash reads 100 I'm coming up faster than China

China's growth is bullshit.

Quote

I spit so much I might need to see a dentist,

what

Quote

my ego is titanium you cannot dent this

"I'm humble but also have a huge ego and I need to go to the dentist"

Quote

You cannot win this, you niggas are sloppy like a French kiss

LOL

Quote

I didn't want want to drop a nuke but I see they want to make me MAD

Semi decent

Quote

This is very sad, a question was all that I had, they say I am a cancer and now I will break bad

Cringy

Quote

I want the throne like Caesar, I rise above like Jesus on Easter

So you start with this

Quote

I have holy rhymes, a divine grind, an ill mind I hop, son
I hate how people take shots like they have an automatic gun

And the next two end in the "un" sound? Try actually saying this out loud, it doesn't flow and sounds terrible.

Quote

I can see myself with an agent, all of you to me are agents
I'm in the Matrix, I am the one thus you cannot hide or run

Apart from how weak and generic this part is, you should aim to start your own company like a lot successful rappers are doing now so you don't get shafted.

Quote

Oh my god I'm in for the attack from all of these haters

This barely makes sense. And stop saying "oh my god".

Quote

My rhymes will blow your mind and have you breathing heavy like chronic masturbators

What's your style supposed to be? Joke kiddy bullshit like Eminem or what? Ideally you should be doing your own thing but your rhyming is out of whack that you don't really have a style or a certain way your shit flows.

Quote

OMG

Stop

Quote

I cook I'm like a baker,

Bakers bake. They don't cook. Weak wordplay.

Quote

fuck all of you haters,

We heard you the first 10 times.

Quote

you guys are so fruity like cheap Now and Laters

The idea behind this one is meh but the way you wrote is so lame.

Quote

Please do me a favor and just sign a waiver cause you will be bodies,

Say this one out loud. It's too long, doesn't make sense, and sounds like you're talking.

There's a reason rappers rap like "I be doing bla bla bla" even though they're articulate and know "I be" is incorrect English. It just sounds better.

Quote

please go pray to your savior

LOL

Do you realize how short this line is in comparisons to the last 3, and especially in comparison to the one it's supposed be rhyming with? Not only that, you keep changing your rhythm.

Quote

God damn I'm colder than February, I say again you I will bury

Yeah see this is what happens when you listen to Drake.

Quote

I am the grim reaper your fate is scary, my bars so heavy this weight you cannot carry

This is seriously the weakest stuff I've ever heard.

Quote

Fuck being nice I'll pop off a massacre, I'll storm you like ISIS I hit you with lightning, this will be a disaster

Oh boy where do I begin.

Massacre doesn't rhyme with disaster. If anything you should've had something along the lines of "natural disaster" of your next word was going to be "storm".

ISIS and lightning don't rhyme. At all. And again the whole thing just sounds terrible. It doesn't flow.

Also, who exactly is your target audience? Nazis and Islamic extremists? Why can't you say "I'm like a bomb/natural disaster" instead of "I'm like Adolf/ISIS". It just shows you come up with the wackiest shit because you have nothing people can relate to because you're basically rapping out a violent fantasy and you've never been around enough violence to be able to paint a good picture through a rap.

Try something else.

Quote

OMG

✋

Quote

I'm more precise than complex chemistry, fuck dominoes I am the king of delivery

Slightly better here, but again it's just nonsense that kinda rhymes.

Quote

They focus on the small lines and ignore the ill bars, it's sick,

When 80% to 90% of your lines suck, the whole thing sucks.

Quote

I'm like Tony Montana I read this shit and my eye is scared

Fucking what

Quote

I have yet to see a decent reply because it's something yall don't got
I guess you listened when your mama said don't touch fire, I am too hot.

Basically sounds like you're talking here.

Stop making these pathetic diss songs. Try writing something from the heart and try to tell a story, and work on your wordplay. And I mean REALLY work on your wordplay. Try matching it to a good beat and post the lyrics and the beat.

If you can do that and you show improvement and that you can actually deliver a message to people and paint a picture with your rhymes? Then you should consider that you can rap. Otherwise? You stink.

Much respect for this advice. I needed it, and I'll use it.