hi

 
SecondClass
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
A light mist had already established itself upon the woods, but the birds perched above cared nothing about it. Croons and melodies were loud in the air, the winged singers providing a score for the act of madness below.

"Where do you want it?" Joanna asked as they broke into the woods.

Ellette looked up at Joanna, perplexed.

"The slice," Joanna said harshly. "Do you want the head or the throat?"

Ellette was petrified. Her eyes shone no more. "Head, I suppose. But please do not do it suddenly - tell me before you do it."


 
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
did you catch that dual meaning with act of madness

act/singers/score like a play, but then the literal act of madness


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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Bro no offense but your writing is so boring I literally can't even force my eyes to focus on the words they ain't having it


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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Your regular posting style is very entertaining though maybe incorporate some of that idk


 
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
Bro no offense but your writing is so boring I literally can't even force my eyes to focus on the words they ain't having it
w t f

crit me

how is it boring'

I have trhese characters and ideas buyt I want to be able to express them in an entertaining manner


Kitsune 狐 | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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That's not how you use "croon" in a sentence... "Croons" is not a word.


Kitsune 狐 | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Also...


"Ellette looked up at Joanna, perplexed."
THIS IS A COMMA SPLICE PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

It should be:
"Ellette looked up at Joanna perplexed"
Last Edit: July 18, 2017, 09:02:46 AM by Kitsuné


 
Verbatim
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That's not how you use "croon" in a sentence... "Croons" is not a word.
nah, any verb can be a noun tbh

it's a tad awkward in this instance, but it's not technically incorrect


Kitsune 狐 | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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That's not how you use "croon" in a sentence... "Croons" is not a word.
nah, any verb can be a noun tbh

it's a tad awkward in this instance, but it's not technically incorrect


It's only used as croons in the present tense.


Example: "This place is the best" Mary croons.


Croon is the most awkward noun. I can't even.


Dietrich Six | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
The slice. That is all.


velox | Mythic Invincible!
 
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