Harry Potter and the Cursed Child plot... wtf

Big Boss | Mythic Card Master
 
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
It's uh... well it's weird. I'll paste a summarized version in here  in case anyone wants to read it.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/06/10/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-spoilers-here-s-the-plot-of-the-play.html

If you'd rather read it on Sep7 then I'll paste below

Spoiler




Dietrich Six | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
Tldr, fuck Harry in his filthy floppy slot.


Tyger | Elite Four Inconceivable!
 
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Literally bad fan fic tier plot


 
Spoiler


Big Boss | Mythic Card Master
 
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Literally bad fan fic tier plot


 
Spoiler

And they just had to make a villainous Mary Sue


Big Boss | Mythic Card Master
 
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Verb what do you think of this


Turkey | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Quote
Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement

a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.

They have an mighty row. Harry says he sometimes wishes Albus wasn’t his son.

Albus hugs Scorpius and tells him they need to go back in time and save Cedric. They jump from the moving train.

Professor Umbridge tells him to get out of the lake—she is now the headmistress of Hogwarts.

Voldemort Day

Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball

Scorpius points out that the Rowles are an extreme Death Eater family. He suddenly tells Delphie to stay away—and threatens to cast a spell on her.

This can only mean one thing: Voldemort had a daughter!

Harry says he wishes he had died.

She explains that she is the child of an affair between Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange

Harry promises Albus he’ll be a better dad. He confesses that he’s not such a perfect figure. Says he’s afraid of the dark, small spaces... and pigeons.

Rowling just took a big ol' shit on her legacy with that abomination.


Dietrich Six | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
Quote
Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement

a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.

They have an mighty row. Harry says he sometimes wishes Albus wasn’t his son.

Albus hugs Scorpius and tells him they need to go back in time and save Cedric. They jump from the moving train.

Professor Umbridge tells him to get out of the lake—she is now the headmistress of Hogwarts.

Voldemort Day

Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball

Scorpius points out that the Rowles are an extreme Death Eater family. He suddenly tells Delphie to stay away—and threatens to cast a spell on her.

This can only mean one thing: Voldemort had a daughter!

Harry says he wishes he had died.

She explains that she is the child of an affair between Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange

Harry promises Albus he’ll be a better dad. He confesses that he’s not such a perfect figure. Says he’s afraid of the dark, small spaces... and pigeons.

Rowling just took a big ol' shit on her legacy with that abomination.

It actually physically pained me to read that


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
That whole thing was pretty tough to get through.
I'm not even a HP fan... it just sounds like a lame plot.


Kiwicake | Legendary Invincible!
 
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hey
Please just let the series rest, don't taint it, please


 
Verbatim
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Verb what do you think of this
YouTube


🍁 Aria 🔮 | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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His eyebrows sparkling, his white beard hangs down to his chest. The thatched mats, spread outside his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos. He polishes, cross-legged, his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed.

He is Ainu.

The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-Oine Kamuy, descendant of Okiku-Rumi, He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, unabrushed, ends simply through his breath alone.
That's just turrible.


 
Verbatim
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[snip]
Yeah, that was all horseshit.

Don't forget Hermione being the Minister of Magic.

What in fuck hell.


Big Boss | Mythic Card Master
 
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
I don't even know where to begin


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the one true God is Doctor Doom and we should all be worshiping him.
I took one look at the picture and decided I didn't want to read the article.


 
Verbatim
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i'm SO GLAD that the title character is apparently still an angsty little bitch, even in his adulthood

uuggghhhh


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Harry, the head of Magical Law Enforcement for all of Europe, AKA the head Auror, spends his time whining, crying, telling his son he doesn't want to be his dad, refusing to do work (which is just paperwork), and later telling his son that, like every other character in Rowling's books, he's "actually more like his mother".

ffs


 
Verbatim
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Harry, the head of Magical Law Enforcement for all of Europe, AKA the head Auror, spends his time whining, crying, telling his son he doesn't want to be his dad, refusing to do work (which is just paperwork), and later telling his son that, like every other character in Rowling's books, he's "actually more like his mother".

ffs
Really, it's the Time Turner-focused plot that's the biggest offense to me. It communicates that all the criticism Rowling received for introducing the device got to her, because people would always say, "This nullifies the entire series; why doesn't Harry just go back in time and stop everything bad from ever happening?" So this is her "response" to that.

Except the way the Time Turner was handled in PoA was brilliant. Perfect, actually. Because they never actually changed anything. There wasn't a single thing Harry or Hermione did in the past that changed the course of history. Sirius Black was always saved, the hippogriff never died, etc. and we even see little foreshadowed elements of that.

There's a scene in Hagrid's Hut where something hard gets thrown at Harry's shoulder from a window. As it was revealed later, it was Hermione who threw the stone, because that needed to happen in order to usher them out of the hut. So nothing changed--nothing could have changed. We seen it happen earlier on, so it must happen later. That's the logical throughline that they used.

In the HP universe, you can't change time--everything is determined, and free will is an illusion.

This plot decided to just shit all over that, I guess.
Last Edit: June 19, 2016, 10:22:04 PM by Verbatim


 
Verbatim
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Of course, maybe I shouldn't bring the movies into it, but w/e.

I just loved how the time plot was handled in that installment in general.


Mmmmm Napalm | Legendary Invincible!
 
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gurb
I used to read Harry Potter all the time. Haven't read it for years, but still love it, even if it isn't my favourite series.

Still, I love Harry Potter enough to hate this.