>decide to visit the Queen's Commonwealth of the USA one year
>touch down in the evening, jetlagged, long nap, wake up midday
>go outside, unbelievably bright, from some kind of white orb in the sky I've never seen before
>jogging around the neighbourhood
>ahead of me, coming my way, is an obese man on a scooter walking an obese labrador on a smaller scooter
>they take up the entire footway and don't even try to slow down or get around me
>can't jump down the kerb because the cars are so wide they take up the whole street
>at the last second I duck into a restaurant to get out of the way
>am immediately seated and given the largest menu i've ever seen, every item on the menu is thousands of calories and would fill 3 human stomachs
>tentatively try and ask for a beef wellington ensemble with cheese
>waitress looks at me oddly
>comes back with a living raccoon on a platter
>"enjoy your meal"
>do my best to finish my plate
>check my wristben, it just turned 3 bong
>look around frantically
>no one counting
>everyone just eating and talking
>remember my bong preparedness training from grammar school, stand up on the table, one arm pointing up and the other pointing to my left
>at the top of my lungs, "BONG, BONG, BONG"
>everyone quiet
>everyone staring
>then, slowly, tentative clapping
>it swells into full blown applause, people cheering, yelling, slapping me on the back
>a fellow cav stands up, looking confused. "Oi, why're you bloody gits clapping? 'E can't 'ear you!"
>someone screams "A REDCOAT!"
>everyone pulling out guns, firing at the brit, yelling things like "Die commie!" and "Remember the Alamo"
>run out with my arms above my head in the confusion

TL;DR Try again.

"Remember the Alamo"

That got me.