She's hardcore into "dendrophilia", which for the uneducated is basically a tree fetish. For some reason the thought of trees gets her moist in her mossy region. Sometimes she breaks off pieces of bark and just lies in bed rubbing it on herself buck naked. I try not to judge though, we all have our quirks, right? So for her enjoyment I used to dip my dong in brownish food coloring (we tried chocolate syrup but it got too sticky). I left it submerged long enough to really take on some brown coloring and even toss a little mint on the top for leaves. Really got her immersed in it and shit, and I actually started to enjoy it. She's really into it and things would get pretty hot. But now it's at the point where I'm dressing in a goddamn tree costume for sex. Then one day I'm balls deep and think "Wow. I've never turned a girl on more than I have pretending to be a tree".  A few times I've tried to press the issue of maybe having sex normal. But plain person on person is a thing of the past for us. She's had a taste of morning wood and never wants to go back. Eventually things started to escalate. She spent a long afternoon last week picking "the right stick" which she brought home and insisted I fuck her with. It was a well endowed limb too. More blessed than I was in size. I'd say it was solid two feet long and about as round as a midget's forearm. My wiener play has pretty much come to an end. She has slowly lost any interest in human contact and going full on perennial. After another week of fornicating forest style she said the thought of sex with a person didn't turn her on anymore, and that she found the tree that was made for her. What can I do to be more of a tree and keep this amazing girl?

Make like a tree and uh......leave?

this is too funny to be a secondclass™ original. where'd you copypasta this from

This is some pretty fucked up shit

make like a tree and get outta here

Make like a tree and stick your branches up my vag

ohh, so that's how Groot was conceived

it all makes sense now