Dark jokes thread

I want one, and you will oblige.

First, a classic;
What's worse than 13 dead babies in a box?

Spoiler

1 dead baby across 13 boxes

Is that really worse?

Is that really worse?

It's all opinion, like whether you prefer to eat a chocolate bar in pieces or just bite it whole

Is that really worse?

It's all opinion, like whether you prefer to eat a chocolate bar in pieces or just bite it whole

i dunno, while 13 dead babies sounds like a great time, a lot of people would think that that's repulsive.

Don't make fun of black people. There's one hanging from my family tree.

What do you call a rocket full of black people on a 1 way trip to Venus?

Spoiler

A great start..
 

What do you call a rocket full of black people on a 1 way trip to Venus?

Spoiler

A great start..
 

The sun*

What do you call a rocket full of black people on a 1 way trip to Venus?

Spoiler

A great start..
 

The sun*

this is the version of the joke I heard... there are things such as variations bruh.

"Police in London have tested software designed to identify which gang members are most likely to commit violent crimes."


Meanwhile police in America have suggested a more sure fire way;

Spoiler

"Just shoot the black ones"

What do you call a rocket full of black people on a 1 way trip to Venus?

Spoiler

A great start..
 

The sun*

this is the version of the joke I heard... there are things such as variations bruh.

The correct variations

how do you fit 98 jews in a car?

Spoiler

1 driver, 3 passengers, and 94 in the ashtray.

Tim Cook, CEO of Apple has come out as gay.

Explains why his phones are bent.

how do you fit 100 jews in a car?

Spoiler

1 driver, 3 passengers, and 94 in the ashtray.

thats only 98

how do you fit 100 jews in a car?

Spoiler

1 driver, 3 passengers, and 94 in the ashtray.

thats only 98

MUM GET THE CAMERA!!"!!!!

how do you fit 100 jews in a car?

Spoiler

1 driver, 3 passengers, and 94 in the ashtray.

thats only 98

SHHHHHHHHHHH.

Why did little Johnny drop his ice cream?

Spoiler

Because he got hit by a bus

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, I could really use wish right now"

Why did little Johnny drop his ice cream?

Spoiler

Because he got hit by a bus

Spoiler

knock knock
"Who's there"
Not johnny

A black man gets a tattoo of his father on his arm.

There's nothing there

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, I could really use wish right now"

lmao

I heard a great one about Jonestown, but the punchline was too long.

I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers.

Spoiler

Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

This is a good thread.

How can you tell when a monday has been using your computer?

Spoiler

It's not there

Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns.

Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"

I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers.

Spoiler

Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

You are the official Jokesmith

Why can't orphans play baseball?


They can never find home.

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, I could really use wish right now"

lol