Dark Humour Thread

Two men are talking in a bar, and the topic of their family comes up.
The first man says his grandfather was sent to Dachau in 1941 and still had his serial number tattooed on his arm.
To which the other man replied, that his grandfather used to tell him stories about how horrible the conditions at Auschwitz were.

Spoiler

He still had nightmares about how cold it was on the night shift in the guard tower.

What's the best way to starve a black man to death?

Spoiler

Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

and thus the great mating ritual between kinder and meta begins

A friend told me 2/3 people live next to a pedophile. "Not me," I replied,

Spoiler

"I live next to 2 smokin' hot ten-year olds

A mother is sat on the ward awaiting the return of her newly born child, anxious for news of it's wellbeing. The doctor walks in carrying a baby, swaddled up in blankets and as he crosses the room he trips on a bag left there by one of the nurses. In his panic to remain upright he flings his arms wildly around and the baby is launched into the air, the airborne newborn flies straight into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch. It leaves a red smear where it impacted and falls to the ground silent and motionless.

The doctor looks at the mother with a mixture of dread and horror plastered across his face, he turns to the head nurse who says 'Really doctor, if the baby was miscarried then you don't have to make such a gruesome spectacle of it'.

He mumbles out...

Spoiler

'Stupid fucking bitch, always ruining my goddamn fun.'

Spoiler

I bet you thought that the twist was that it was actually alive. Sicko.

and thus the great mating ritual between kinder and meta begins

can i be the mother

A guy is walking to the bar to get a drink with his buddies when he notices a girl by train tracks tied up. He runs to her, unties her and they have sex. When he gets to the bar his friends ask why he's late and he brags about all the sex he got when finally they asked him "did you get any head?"

Spoiler

He shook his head and said "nah, I couldn't find it."

and thus the great mating ritual between kinder and meta begins

can i be the mother

don't you identify as a fetus?

I'd love to participate, but nothing's coming to me right now.
Usually I've a store of "offensive" jokes to throw at people...

they have been saving these jokes for a while, I think >_>

A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter.

"My god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims.

Spoiler

The dad replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."

It's like Meta wants operation yewtree to come onto the bloody forum ._.

They said we'd be reading books in class.

Spoiler

All we got was 5 magazines

I like my women how I like my coffee.

Spoiler

Ground up and stored in the cupboard.

My wife walked in on me fucking our daughter. I don't know which made her more surprised. . .

Spoiler

that I was fucking our daughter or the fact the hospital let me keep the stillborn.

a priest, a rapist, and a registered sex offender walk into a bar..


he sits down to have drink

So, I'm walking home from work, and I see a black man carrying a television. I think to myself, "Is that mine?"

Spoiler

But then I remember that mine's back home washing the dishes.

I was going to type a joke about school shootings, but I cannot think of anything appropriate.

Maybe I should aim for a younger crowd.

What's the best part about fucking twenty four year olds?

Spoiler

there's twenty of them

A mother is sat on the ward awaiting the return of her newly born child, anxious for news of it's wellbeing. The doctor walks in carrying a baby, swaddled up in blankets and as he crosses the room he trips on a bag left there by one of the nurses. In his panic to remain upright he flings his arms wildly around and the baby is launched into the air, the airborne newborn flies straight into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch. It leaves a red smear where it impacted and falls to the ground silent and motionless.

The doctor looks at the mother with a mixture of dread and horror plastered across his face, he turns to the head nurse who says 'Really doctor, if the baby was miscarried then you don't have to make such a gruesome spectacle of it'.

He mumbles out...

Spoiler

'Stupid fucking bitch, always ruining my goddamn fun.'

Spoiler

I bet you thought that the twist was that it was actually alive. Sicko.

how long can a black man run?


until the chain tightens

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American school shooting - 9 dead

British PM Gordon Brown sends his deepest sympathy

French President Nicolas Sarkozy sends his condolences

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sends 2 boxes of extra ammo

This one made me laugh

i would like to thank mr. psy for this thread, as this post should give me the 10th most poster spot

What's the leading cause of paedophilia?

Spoiler

Sexy kids.

Looking back, when my teacher asked me to come up with ideas to end our school show with a bang.

A reenactment of Columbine probably wasn't the best thing to do.

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A black guy and a Mexican jump off a cliff. Who wins?

Spoiler

Society.

Obama after the Connecticut school shootings-"Hug your kids a little tighter tonight".

Bit late for that.