Dark Humour Thread

There was one of these on Bnet IIRC until the mods got all pissy and shut it down because people were getting upset over dead baby jokes.

So, have at it folks <.<

Disclaimer for those of a nervous disposition, if you are genuinely upset or triggered by jokes then you need to get off the internet.

To kick things off

YouTube

Goddamn cheat not putting the proper spelling of colour as an option.

Why do you put the baby in the blender feet first?

Spoiler

So it can finish sucking you off.

How do you get the baby out of the blender?

Spoiler

Tortilla chips.

Why do you put the baby in the blender feet first?

Spoiler

So it can finish sucking you off.

How do you get the baby out of the blender?

Spoiler

Tortilla chips.

I would like this, for the second joke. But the first is haram.

consider me triggered

How do you get a Jewish girl's number?

Spoiler

Roll up her sleeve.

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Tyler Perry?

What's black and screams?

Spoiler

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

'There is safety in numbers'

Spoiler

Unless there are 6,000,000 of you.

Here's a dark one

What do you do after banging a really tight pussy?

Spoiler

put the diaper back on.

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Tyler Perry?

Who is that?

What do black guys do after sex?

15 years to life

Why do black guys always have sex on their minds?

They have pubes on their heads



Lol dark jokes

What's red, 10 inches long and makes your girlfriend cry when you put it in her mouth?

Spoiler

Her miscarriage.

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Tyler Perry?

Who is that?

a dark man that thinks he's funny

here in emerikkka we have something called "black humor" Tyler Perry is at the helm of this disease 

Tyler Perry?

Who is that?

An american movie director who only puts niggers in his movies

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How do you make a cat go "woof"?

Spoiler

Pour gasoline all over it and light a match.   

Spoiler

jk I love cats

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless man walks up to her.
She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"
He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it."
"Absolutely not! You're disgusting!", she replies.
The man turns and starts walking away.
"Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?"

Spoiler

"I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!", he says.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house?

Spoiler

Neither has he.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?

Spoiler

I'll talk to you later. I have to catch a plane.

So the Oklahoma city basketball team is looking to change their name, they have an open press conference to take suggestions. One guy suggests the OKC Bombers.
Every gasps and mutters about how disrespectful and insensitive that is.

Spoiler

He says 'What's the matter? The New York Jets didn't change their name!'

How do you pick up a Jewish girl?

Spoiler

With a broom and dustpan

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"

Spoiler

To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

I was going to tell a joke about Jonestown,

Spoiler

but the punchline is too long

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?

Spoiler

You can't fuck a rock.

I once asked the crowd if they were pro guns and the majority belted out in approval. I asked a man in the front row why he was pro guns and he gave me the basic 'personal protection liberty 2nd amendment' hooplah. I very seriously told the crowd,

Spoiler

"I'm pro guns because I enjoy living in a world with only 4 Nirvana albums." My friend was the only one who laughed.

What's the best thing about fucking a 12-year-old girl in the shower?

Spoiler

If you slick back her hair she looks like a 10-year-old boy.

What's the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?

Spoiler

Tiger Woods has a good driver.

What's the hardest part about having sex with your sister?

Spoiler

Getting her out the crib.