Can I get some feedback on a song?

 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
Finally got a mic and decided to write lyrics for something that I tracked out a month ago. It's kinda typical post grunge shit with not a lot of frills. So anyway, here it is.
I think I should have cut the opening to two lines instead of four as it seems a little long before we get into the verse, but whatever.


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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More Than Mortal
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.
Fuck me that's awful.


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
Put it on YouTube YOU FUCKING FAGGOT PIECE OF SHIT.
Fuck youtube.


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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More Than Mortal
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.
Now that I'm actually listening to it, I kind of like it.


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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Ayy lmao!
Pretty good m80! The background singing sounds a little off key though. D:


 
challengerX
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
Pretty good m80! The background singing sounds a little off key though. D:
Thanks, and I wouldn't doubt it. Singing and harmonizing is definitely not my strong suit.


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Crouton is fat.
Maybe someday I'll click that, probably not though


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Ayy lmao!
Thanks, and I wouldn't doubt it. Singing and harmonizing is definitely not my strong suit.
Oh well, no one is perfect. You can always get better with practice!


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So... I guess I'm going to have to pick up after your horrendous mistakes on here too?
This is better.

YouTube


Kinder Graham | Respected Invincible!
 
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TUNNEL SNAKES RULE
(ง ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)ง
Don't care much for grunge so nothing from me


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
Don't care much for grunge so nothing from me
Good sir, I can assure you that it is quite certainly not actually grunge.


Legit 8-Bit | Respected Posting Frenzy
 
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ayy lmao
I like it, keep up the good work.


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Comms Officer is a freaking retard.
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Shitpost King
YouTube


Zizzy | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating mYsELF
I dunno why but your voice kind of reminds me of Black Francis.


Ásgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.
Hear you sing?
...
Ill pass...i want to spare my cheeks.


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
Hear you sing?
...
Ill pass...i want to spare my cheeks.
wat


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
I dunno why but your voice kind of reminds me of Black Francis.
Pixies? I'll accept that as a compliment. On a different project I was told that I have the tone of Shirley Manson, lol.


Ásgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.
wat
The B word. You know...what happens to cheeks...im very sensitive...


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
The B word. You know...what happens to cheeks...im very sensitive...
I don't think you can use Byrne as a verb, Oss.


Ásgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.
I don't think you can use Byrne as a verb, Oss.
IM NOT SAYING IT!
;__;


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
IM NOT SAYING IT!
;__;
I'll make you say it!


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Finally got a mic and decided to write lyrics for something that I tracked out a month ago. It's kinda typical post grunge shit with not a lot of frills. So anyway, here it is.
I think I should have cut the opening to two lines instead of four as it seems a little long before we get into the verse, but whatever.

No offense, but the singing sounds kind of bad. Work on that and I think you've got yourself a pretty good song!


Ásgeirr | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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The angel agreed to trade a set of white wings for the head of another demon. Overjoyed, the demon killed one of his own and plucked the head right off its still-warm body.

The angel then led the demon to heaven, where he underwent centuries of the cruelest tortures imaginable. Finally, the pain was so great that he lost consciousness - at which point his dark wings turned the promised shade of white.


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
No offense, but the singing sounds kind of bad. Work on that and I think you've got yourself a pretty good song!
none taken. I know I'm a pretty bad singer, but I gotta try.