Things were different in 2014. I remember logging back in to b.net earlier that year after a hiatus from the reach days to check out what the hype was about surrounding destiny. No surprises the forum for the game itself was an absolute shitshow and I was instantly turned off the game by its prospective community, but Offtopic was pretty cool and I found myself becoming a regular. Nearly everyone was a familiar name and I had a pretty cool group of friends to have a group chat with, including the resident 5-year old Ender. Memes were aplenty and I can honestly say the community as a whole had a really nice vibe to it.

I was 18 and unemployed at the time, so I had all the time in the world to surf Offtopic to my heart’s content. I was in all of the biggest groups on the site and enjoyed reading countless shitposts and drama from the usual suspects at the time. Even the trolling seemed to have a creative edge to it, and I was sad to see it all go the moment the July update dropped around the launch of the Destiny Beta. Usernames disappeared, never to be seen again and groups fragmented. During the teething problems of this group when it was on Proboards I became convinced it was some concotion of the worst of bungie’s toxicity for a time (mostly in part due to everyone labelling sep7 as traitors for some dumbass reason) but signing up pretty quickly dispelled that feeling. The users who crept back in to offtopic after its silent period were the biggest fuckheads in existence and I’m convinced 2 of them in particular are singlehandedly behind the worst of the later site updates (such as needing a destiny account just to post there now).

Fast forward to 2015 and I think I made the biggest mistake of my life. I was playing Mario Kart 8 and after a series of cheesy losses, I fell into the habit of hitting myself in the head when I was angry. This culminated in breaking a GamePad over my head hard enough to see nothing but red as it impacted my skull, dazing myself for 5 minutes (I am fully aware self harm of this manner is NEVER okay) and I haven’t been the same since. While there was no sign of injury to my head or brain, that moment marked a tipping point where I began to have anxiety attacks of an intensity I’d never experienced before, and still do to this day. For about 8 months this was a nightly ocurrence. I would develop a migrane, then worry I’d caused permanent brain damage or gotten a neurodegenerative disease and I was fully convinced in that headspace that I could never function again. I felt I had a really hard time thinking, I constantly lost trains of thought and got migranes really easily.

It went away for a bit and, while shit went sideways in a completely different way, late 2016-2017 were pretty normal years in terms of headspace for me. Around 2018 I found even seeing the word ‘Dimentia’ written on a pamphlet briefly brought that panic straight back and convinced me I had something like that. Co-workers always asked me what was up because one day I could be talkative, and completely silent the next. The real kicker was I wasn’t aware of what this panic was really about, so when I zoned in I couldn’t even tell what was wrong. Talking to a psychologist was helpful, but again our conversations never got to what I saw as the big issue.

2019 was a similar story in terms of mental health, but I was able to keep such instances brief, even if I was more zoned out than usual I was able to function pretty normally at work and make life decisions and plans. The Panic attacks still happened but on a milder level and passed quickly, in part thanks to getting a brain scan and being told everything is normal on that front. Earlier this year I’ve gotten comfortable with existing with this, and zeroed in on what sets me off. It’s hard to put it in to words even now, but basically I’ve come to terms with the concept of having such a disease as a workaround for my anxiety not letting me believe that I’m actually fine. And I feel better fams. Like, not 100% but I feel more like my old self than I have at any point in the last 5 years, and I just want to say I’m glad to be a part of sep7agon. Browsing this place can really take your mind off introspective worries sometimes, and I hope you’re doing well too.

I am also glad to hear that you are okay. I also would like to say that it was very smart to reach out to a psychologist in trying to sort out your problems. It was too late to fix things when I went to a councilor back in 2018 but I was at least able to make things somewhat right a year and a half later.

I am also glad to hear that you are okay. I also would like to say that it was very smart to reach out to a psychologist in trying to sort out your problems. It was too late to fix things when I went to a councilor back in 2018 but I was at least able to make things somewhat right a year and a half later.

I’m glad you were able to at least help things to a degree. Hope things start going your way a lot quicker than my case.

I was hoping it not to be like that for you, but it seems that trouble haven't avoided you too. I hope you will be fine.

glad things are going well partner

Glad to hear that you are doing good.

but to follow up and do the things I want without intense mental effort to get my ass out of bed.

This is my eternal struggle.

Quote from: SecondClass on July 11, 2020, 07:07:09 PM

Dementia

My legal guardian who will remain nameless told me to delete this or she would be mad at me, so I’ve edited it

It was still funny though