I didn't read the whole thing, and I'm definitely no literature connisseur, but I feel like you over-describe things a bit. "A sun full of promise." Also, some things are just awkward, like "The last of the nightly families of the forest". Keep it short and sweet. Save your imagery for the important stuff. Don't try so hard to tell the story, let it come naturally.That's all I got.
Quote from: I'mmortal on July 15, 2017, 10:01:43 PMI didn't read the whole thing, and I'm definitely no literature connisseur, but I feel like you over-describe things a bit. "A sun full of promise." Also, some things are just awkward, like "The last of the nightly families of the forest". Keep it short and sweet. Save your imagery for the important stuff. Don't try so hard to tell the story, let it come naturally.That's all I got.also I thought a sun full of promise was a pretty solid line. I'm trying to say ENGLAND, 1391 without actually saying it. "Full of promise" implies in a joyful tone that there are events that are bound to happen in time.