Also fat people are gross

False--liberals tend to reject the last two--authority and sanctity. The first four are well-regarded on both sides of the political spectrum

The point is not that liberals don't value loyalty, it's that they don't value loyalty as defined by MFT. Contextually, loyalty means how much you value being a team player over individuality, how likely you are to support your government if they do something wrong etc. 

Liberals, on the whole, are more likely to value freedom of thought over loyalty to a given group goal, less likely to be patriotic etc. You can view the data on the MFT website, and take the surveys, to see for yourself precisely how the moral foundations are being defined.

Also, the whole there-is-no-god thing kind of nullifies "sanctity" as a moral foundation. In other words, it's not one.

I would point out that it's possible to have some respect for sanctity in non-religious ways. I, for instance, would say you yourself have a rather high appreciation of sanctity in the very specific realm of sobriety. It seems, at least to me, that sanctity for you is the equivalent of not brutalising your perceptions.

Nevertheless, this is exactly what I mean when I said you can convincingly argue some of the moral foundations are bad foundations to have. Haidt's work is descriptive; the fact that he determines people have these foundations isn't any judgement on the quality of them.

If you're talking about patriotism in the traditional flag-waving jingoistic sense, I consider that pretty narrow and ill-thought-out.

I am, and I know you do.

Regardless, take a survey of conservatives and liberals. I guarantee the conservatives will reliably refer to themselves as more patriotic on average than liberals do.

I'm referring specifically to this essay. Does he not, in this essay, directly imply some kind of moral superiority over liberals just for clinging to these redundant, arbitrary, and bogus moral foundations?

No. He doesn't even indirectly imply it. All he's saying is that conservative parties enjoy (somewhat surprising) electoral success because they appeal to a wider degree of moral concerns irrespective of whether these moral concerns are good concerns to have.

All you really seem to dislike is that it's not phrased in a way as to be unabashedly liberal. You could equally say that conservatives tend to be on average more nationalistic, subservient to authority and superstitious and conservative parties do well because they appeal to this.