...how do you even handle that kind of situation?

I'm talking about a situation where someone who I considered an older brother has done so many fucked up things (both legal and illegal), yet I never experienced any of the situation firsthand. I don't know what to say or think and it all seemed to happen right after I left. The person in question is a ex marine with PTSD and a known temper problem, but was also someone who made sure I would have a roof over my head (couches, usually) back when I was dealing with homelessness. I genuinely looked up to the guy. This was someone who was barely scraping by, but was still doing so much to help people in the community despite that.

But now that I've left to go back up north to return to college, things went downhill...fast. More and more people keep coming forward about things he's done to them. Everything from screaming at disabled people, assault, fraud, illegal withholding of payments, money theft, and a whole lot of lawsuits. One of the organizations he worked for has released a public statement condemning him and social media posts about the things he's done has gone viral within the community.

I'm at a loss.
I don't know how to react.

Although, if you're asking how people here specifically handle something like that?

For me, I verify as much as I can, so that I at least know as much of the story as possible. When shit like that starts it really pays to try and know what's true, and what isn't. For whatever reason, in drama like that, there's a lot of smoke and shadows mixed with sensationalism. He said she said kind of deal.

After I go through that whole fun filled phase, I make my decision. Keep in contact or cut out completely? In all the instances I've made the mistake of showing sympathy and not cutting ties, their issues eventually came around to my doorstep.

If it were me, I'd just cut everything away completely and I'd do it quickly.

Harsh, maybe. But then again if they're getting into so much trouble then it'd be dumb to think that they'd care for or respect you enough not to eventually drag you into their mess.

That's because there's no way to react. At that point, you take things for what they are and you move on. Drop ties or stick around, your call. That's all there is to do.

People will do that often, though. You might get spared the bad side of them for whatever reason, for some amount of time until it eventually comes around to say hello.

Thing is, I don't feel like this is me seeing his true colors. It feels like something made him snap, break, and completely fall apart. There's always been people who didn't like him and would intentionally push his buttons since they knew how to play him like a fiddle. He might not be a star citizen, sure, but this was someone who I felt had good intentions despite his rough and jagged exterior. I understood him, at least to some extent.

Quote from: Varg on February 26, 2016, 05:49:30 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on February 26, 2016, 05:33:40 AM

That's because there's no way to react. At that point, you take things for what they are and you move on. Drop ties or stick around, your call. That's all there is to do.

People will do that often, though. You might get spared the bad side of them for whatever reason, for some amount of time until it eventually comes around to say hello.

Thing is, I don't feel like this is me seeing his true colors. It feels like something made him snap, break, and completely fall apart. There's always been people who didn't like him and would intentionally push his buttons since they knew how to play him like a fiddle. He might not be a star citizen, sure, but this was someone who I felt had good intentions despite his rough and jagged exterior. I understood him, at least to some extent.

That's what I thought at first when I read your summary. Stress and strain. But by the sounds of it, it seems like the bad stuff happened  over a period of time. Not just since you were gone. If you've got all these people suddenly coming out of the woodworks like that, then it could be something that's been going on for years.

Like I said. That's why I investigate first before I drop everything.

Not for years, for things that happened the last few months.

I'd look into the matter like sandtrap said.

Quote from: Sandtrap on February 26, 2016, 05:59:48 AM

Quote from: challengerX on February 26, 2016, 05:45:57 AM

That's fucked up. I don't know. Never really been in that position.

I think you need to remember that his bad deeds can never erase his good deeds.

You know all those parents of school shooters and mass murderers who always say "Oh he/she was a good person, they never did anything wrong as a so and so yada yada?"

Case and point. People change through the years. Just because they were previously a sweet little bundle of love doesn't negate their reality.

The bad shit can erase the good because the good then becomes a question. Was it all fake or did it just have some ugly agenda being played to it.

There was a story a little while back of some guy caught holding people prisoners in his basement for years. Rape and torture, all that fun stuff. The whole neighborhood thought he was a good guy because by all appearances that's what he was.

I'm sorry, but after learning about that, I really wouldn't recall fondly about the time he invited me over for free bbq dinner at his place with the family or helped me do anything.

You're taking this out of context and misinterpreting what I'm saying.

He helped OP when he was going through rough times, and from what OP is saying he wasn't a rich guy yet he always helped the community any way he could. This isn't inventing people for a BBQ, he legitimately helped people according to OP.

He's a vet and has PTSD. Yelling at people and assault isn't that big of a deal. If he had raped and tortured people obviously I wouldn't have said what I said.

Not sure what you're trying to get at here. I didn't make a general statement, I specifically said that these bad deeds he's committed doesn't make him a bad person and will never erase a good deed like providing shelter for a homeless person.

I hear ya. Given some thought it sounds more like an issue of pressure and not douchebaggery for the sake of it.

Knowing you're powerless to stop their falling is one of the hardest experiences you can face

It happens.

There's not much you even can do but abandon ship.