Depression is back in force, and my drug usage has spiralled back to where it was a year ago. A non-serious relationship of mine recently ended and because I'm depressed it hurt way more than it should've done. My attendance at lectures and classes--for the term just gone--was literally zero. I get high marks on my coursework, but it doesn't motivate me; I've missed so many deadlines for essays and am unprepared for my exams, so in all likelihood I will fail and have to repeat the year. I don't get enjoyment from the things I used to enjoy; I hardly read anymore, I don't really follow the news and when I do i just don't care. I rarely post on here anymore, or reddit. The discussions just don't interest me.

I just sit around smoking weed and binging on alcohol, MDMA, ketamine or whatever else I can get hold of. And all I can think about is how pathetic and weak I am. Well, either that or how I might kill myself if it came to it.

My counsellor thinks I should start taking antidepressants. I've been reticent to do that for years but at this point I don't really have a choice. If something doesn't change I'll wind up dead either from drug abuse or my own hand. Means I have to quit MDMA though or risk serotonin syndrome, but at this point I don't even care. I want normality more than I want to be buzzed.

Don't really know why I felt the need to make this post; to organise my thoughts, to vent, whatever. Posting in Serious for obvious reasons.

Don't know what discussion value this has either really. Vent, talk about any experience you have with depression or substance abuse (or mental illness in general) or just offer me banalities about how it will all be okay. I don't mind.

Peace.

It's clear you know exactly what you need to do to fix it: get off drugs and alcohol, and begin taking antidepressants.

Antidepressants saved my sister's life several times over, and while I totally understand the fear of side effects and stigma, I truly believe that the necessary course-correction you need to make involves more than willpower and happy thoughts. Best of luck, bud. I really do miss your wit and sharpness on here.

I was pretty much in your position in 2015, although maybe not as reliant on heavy drugs, but definitely alcohol.

None of my friends talked to me, all my relationships fell apart at the seams after a couple months and I pretty much spent the entirety of summer shitfaced on vodka alone watching Netflix and shitposting here. I was failing uni something fierce, I developed anxiety, I self harmed a couple times and at one point I came close to the thought of attempting to take my own life.

Then 2016 came along and my friendship lines opened up again. We went on a lads holiday, I went to New York with my fam and I came close to a really serious relationship but ended on good terms due to distance. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend your life is gonna get awesome at the blink of an eye, or that depression is going to solve itself. It won't, but what I will say is that you're young, you've got miles of life ahead of you, and as shitty as it can get, there's interludes of life, albeit brief, that really make it worth living sometimes.

That being said, I'm still failing uni and I may not even get a degree, and by no means am I content with where I am in life, but every now and then I tell myself that I'm only 21, the best years are still ahead of me, and I have myriad of opportunities out there I can seize. Not sure if this post helps, but I can assure you, it will get better at some point even if it feels like there's no end to the disparity of life, because there is.

Had the appointment. Was prescribed a month's worth of sertraline, 50mg once a day. I have a follow up appointment next week to discuss things like side effects, and my GP is going to get me in for proper CBT sessions with a psychologist who also specialises in drug abuse.

I actually feel okay. It's a long road ahead, but for the first time in years I feel like I have the fortitude to not only beat depression, but drag it to the street and break its teeth on the curb.

That's fantastic, man. I'm really happy for you.

On a side note, I've heard that it can be a bit of a process to find an effective drug for some people, so don't be discouraged if it's not an immediate magical fix.

Before you get onto drugs would it be possible for you to make any life changes which would make you happier?

We get it you vape