Suicide happens on its own, and you won't have control over it when it happens.
I disagree with that. Unless you are referring to the moment of when it happens, like squeezing the trigger.
It doesn't have anything to do with the forum, but lately I've felt like I don't have a reason to live for, like I don't belong on this planet with anyone else.To those that say "why not just end it all now and get it over with?"Because I'm thinking about it. I have suicidal tendencies and I do think about it often ever since middle school, though I have never attempted to do it because I know better, however that doesn't mean it's not on my mind. There are times where I want to attempt it and just get it over with. I can understand why Robin Williams did it.When you're in a severe state of depression, for me it feels like this reality I'm in is a cage, that there is no escape.If it wasn't for people that actually cared about me in real life and even some on the internet, I probably would decide to kill myself if nothing works out with people.I don't know. For someone who's against people who want to end their own life, I sure do think about ending my own life a lot every now and then. I've been alive for 22 years and there are times where I wonder if I have overstayed my welcome in life.
Quote from: HurtfulTurkey on March 21, 2015, 12:57:30 PM1 (800) 273-8255National Suicide Prevention LifelineEven if you're just entertaining the thoughts, and not actively about to carry it out, please call them. They're there to talk 24/7.I've always wondered, what do these people do?
1 (800) 273-8255National Suicide Prevention LifelineEven if you're just entertaining the thoughts, and not actively about to carry it out, please call them. They're there to talk 24/7.
Quote from: HurtfulTurkey on March 21, 2015, 01:08:57 PMQuote from: challengerX on March 21, 2015, 01:01:50 PMQuote from: HurtfulTurkey on March 21, 2015, 12:57:30 PM1 (800) 273-8255National Suicide Prevention LifelineEven if you're just entertaining the thoughts, and not actively about to carry it out, please call them. They're there to talk 24/7.I've always wondered, what do these people do?Generally they'll just talk a caller through their feelings. Some centers offer overnight stays, and some have people that will drive out to your home and talk to you. If you're threatening to kill yourself, they may work with the police to locate you. My sister has BPD and called a few times when she was younger. Sometimes it's just a good outlet, like this forum.I mean is that their job or what? Sitting around all day talking to suicidal people? Doesn't that take a toll on them and maybe even make them suicidal? How do those people get hired? Are they actually enthusiastic and caring or do they read from a script?How much can a random person who knows nothing about you actually help?
Quote from: challengerX on March 21, 2015, 01:01:50 PMQuote from: HurtfulTurkey on March 21, 2015, 12:57:30 PM1 (800) 273-8255National Suicide Prevention LifelineEven if you're just entertaining the thoughts, and not actively about to carry it out, please call them. They're there to talk 24/7.I've always wondered, what do these people do?Generally they'll just talk a caller through their feelings. Some centers offer overnight stays, and some have people that will drive out to your home and talk to you. If you're threatening to kill yourself, they may work with the police to locate you. My sister has BPD and called a few times when she was younger. Sometimes it's just a good outlet, like this forum.
Suicide is a waste, at best.The afterlife also sounds boring as fuck.
You need to find a real purpose and pursue it. Get out of the same old place.
Suicide happens on its own, and you won't have control over it when it happens. So, if you have serious thoughts (and as staff here) then I'd recommend you to seek the help you need.
Quote from: Isara on March 21, 2015, 09:44:29 AMSuicide happens on its own, and you won't have control over it when it happens.I disagree with that. Unless you are referring to the moment of when it happens, like squeezing the trigger. OT: I had those thoughts too a long time ago. It was all because of how I was treated in High School. I was dehumanized, beaten, told I was nothing and would never ever be anything greater than shit. After you're told that enough, you start to believe it. Nobody helped, nobody listened to me. Teachers did jack to them, and in most cases it made it even worse.So at one point I hit a low. I wanted it all to end, so one night I planned to OD on some meds and just drift away in my sleep. I had them in my hands and was about to swallow the first few. But something stopped me! It literally was like I heard a voice clear as day. It told me that this was not the end for me. There was so much more to life than I was feeling now. It also told me that there is somebody for you in your future! Somebody that will love you, never leave you, and will hold you up when you are at your weakest. I did not swallow one pill that night after that. And I am still here today, and what I heard has come to pass! Have a wonderful life with an amazing woman.__________________________________After all that happened, I started to realize the effect this would have on everybody that loved me. I couldn't see it because I was so blinded by pain and hatred. If I had taken my own life that night, my family and friends would have been devastated beyond comprehension. I took me a while to gain self esteem and courage, but I did thanks to my faith.You have a purpose in this life! Never fool yourself into thinking you dont. I know how it feels more than others can or ever will.
SpoilerYou know, normally I could probably say something....motivational on this. I can't. I'll just say this instead. What stopped me the first time?Sitting up on a radio tower, leaning over the rails. I was thinking. I climbed that tower in my lower states because I did a lot of thinking. And one night I asked myself the point of continuing. Why should I continue, against all the grey, the void, and the nothing that existed in my life, when in a few seconds if I let go of those rails I could turn it all off like a lightswitch and have rest from it?My little niece. I suddenly imagined her when she was older. After her older father passed away and she was growing up. She's different than other kids around here. And being different up here, is hard. I imagined, what the news would do to her, at her age right now.6 years old. Her big uncle died. Jumped off a radio tower. That person that she liked, cared about, that person who will be there to help her when she's older. Gone.My sister who's blind. How would she manage her farm alone?Her husband. How would he manage all the work he has to do on his own?My mother, how would she retire if she had nowhere to go to retire? No home to gently fall into?I stopped it the first time because I said that at the very least, if I didn't want to do it for myself, if I didn't care about myself, then at the very least, I could do it for those people instead.But I've got a problem now. This second round is different. I'm aware that I'm depressed, I am trying every day to turn it around. But how do I turn it around when I wake up in the morning, upset?I wake up tired, I wake up angry, and then finally, I'm just sad. Tired.It's different this time around, but it's doing the same thing. My smiles, any laughs I make, are hollow. They're just voluntary, like old reactions I'm used to doing. I know how to keep up the appearance that I can still be happy even though when I wake up in the morning my eyes look sad, and down, and my mouth sits with it's usual downward frown.I look tired and down and I can't hide it. But I can hide the fact that I'm losing my grip. Losing my ability to really care or feel much about anything.And it's a problem, because I work. Working keeps me moving. Working tells me that I am accomplishing something, both for myself, and for somebody else.I used to be lazy before my first round with this. Then I changed.Which means my reasons to keep going that I developed before are now normal life for me. And I'm losing my grip on everything. If those reasons go, that are now a normal part of life for me, then I'm finished. I'll have nothing left holding me up.And I know I said that I had nothing to say on this. So here's what's really important here.TL:DRKeep your head sharp. Watch yourself. And if you fall any farther, pick up a fucking phone and talk. There's suicide hotline numbers all over the fucking place. They're up 24 hours a day because they have to be ready to listen to somebody who needs to talk.Understand that?I've essentially cut myself away from my friends because not only am I being a sad sack of fucking potatoes, but because I know that one night, I'm going to really need to talk and they aren't going to be there for me because I have to do things on my own.Keep some part of your head on straight. Enough that you can pick up a phone and talk to somebody because believe me. You can fix things. You can set things straight. And unlike myself, up here, by myself, you don't have to do it alone either.The people who work for those services are compassionate. They will be willing to listen, and they will be willing to help you. So if you're feeling so far down that you're walking a really dangerous line, pick up the damn phone and talk.
Quote from: Val 'Ketam on March 21, 2015, 04:43:55 PMLife isn't easy at all. Though life can be a struggle, it's better than ending it all and forfeiting all the good times ahead in life. And you don't know what lies ahead. You could be a millionaire, or you could be stuck in a job you hate forever. But you determine your happiness; you can let your circumstances dictate how you feel, or you can choose to be happy.Life is worth the fight.Or you can be BC and pretend to be a millionaire.
Life isn't easy at all. Though life can be a struggle, it's better than ending it all and forfeiting all the good times ahead in life. And you don't know what lies ahead. You could be a millionaire, or you could be stuck in a job you hate forever. But you determine your happiness; you can let your circumstances dictate how you feel, or you can choose to be happy.Life is worth the fight.
I have thoughts of suicide quite often.
