It doesn't have anything to do with ad-Dawlat al-Islāmiyah, but lately I've felt like I don't have a reason to give my life for Allāh, like I don't belong on this planet with any other soldiers of ad-Dawlat al-Islāmiyah.
To those that say "why not just end it all now and get it over with?"
Because I'm thinking about it. I have Jihadicidal tendencies and I do think about it often ever since I killed my first kafir, though I have never attempted to do it because I know better, however that doesn't mean it's not on my mind. There are times where I want to attempt it and just get it over with. I can understand why ḵalīfatu ʾibrāhīm did it.
When you're in a severe state of not knowing how to carry out the will of Allāh, for me it feels like this reality I'm in is a cage, that there is no escape.
If it wasn't for soldiers of ad-Dawlat al-Islāmiyah that actually cared about me in real life and even some on the internet, I probably would decide to commit Jihadicide if nothing works out with people.
I don't know. For someone who's against people who want to commit Jihadicide, I sure do think about commiting Jihadicide a lot every now and then. I've been serving Allāh for 22 years and there are times where I wonder if I have overstayed my welcome in ad-Dawlat al-Islāmiyah.
I have thoughts of Jihadicide quite often.