3, non-negotiable things you look for in a spouse

Elai · February 21, 2015, 10:23:08 PM

We had a discussion in one of my classes last semester about sexuality and stuff, and one question that was asked to us was if there were certain things your significant other would have to abide. In other words, non-negotiable things you would look for in a potential mate. The reasoning for this was that people don't put enough thought into settling down, and they don't realise the comminment they're making, and that is why a lot of marriages are failing.

In the class we had to make 5, but 3 seems more appropriate here.

So, shoot.

For me, it would be:

1: Non-religious
Can't have conflicting ideologies for raising children.

2: Pro-adoption
I don't want biological children. They must be okay with adoption or no children.

3: Must be comfortable with my vegan lifestyle (preferrably a vegan).

The Lord Slide Rule · February 21, 2015, 10:35:40 PM

1. must be cool w/ all our kids being clones of me
2. must be able to make me a sammich at a moments notice
3. must shut up when i say so

/s

Turkey · February 21, 2015, 10:42:14 PM

I didn't have any of these going into my relationship, or into my marriage six years later. If I had, they surely would have changed by the time we married, and I don't think there really is anything mundane that is non-negotiable. I told her I wouldn't get married in college (the ceremony turned out to be three days after graduating), but I would've. I've always wanted pets, but she's very allergic, so she's breaking what would have been her non-negotiable terms by getting allergy shots. I want to adopt at least once, and she's warming up to it.

Relationships aren't about evaluating another person based on a list of desires, it's getting through life and sharing experiences with someone you love. I don't really see any conclusion for these non-negotiables except disappointment.

Jocephalopod · February 22, 2015, 12:59:04 AM

Quote

I love dogs.

*worship

The Waifu Master · February 22, 2015, 01:18:47 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 21, 2015, 10:23:08 PM

2: Pro-adoption
I don't want biological children. They must be okay with that.

Can't have another Les Enfants Terribles, eh?

BrenMan 94 · February 22, 2015, 01:29:59 AM

1. Must indulge my kinks
2. Must be less intelligent than me
3. Must not be super religious

Elai · February 22, 2015, 02:03:38 AM

Quote from: HurtfulTurkey on February 21, 2015, 10:42:14 PM

I didn't have any of these going into my relationship, or into my marriage six years later. If I had, they surely would have changed by the time we married, and I don't think there really is anything mundane that is non-negotiable. I told her I wouldn't get married in college (the ceremony turned out to be three days after graduating), but I would've. I've always wanted pets, but she's very allergic, so she's breaking what would have been her non-negotiable terms by getting allergy shots. I want to adopt at least once, and she's warming up to it.

Relationships aren't about evaluating another person based on a list of desires, it's getting through life and sharing experiences with someone you love. I don't really see any conclusion for these non-negotiables except disappointment.

The point of the exercise was to determine what is important to you. Most people don't actively think about these things before they make a commitment. That is one of the reasons marriages fail.

I'm glad you have a good relationship with your spouse, but you're the minority in that department.

Elai · February 22, 2015, 02:06:12 AM

Quote from: The fuck? on February 22, 2015, 01:18:47 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 21, 2015, 10:23:08 PM
2: Pro-adoption
I don't want biological children. They must be okay with that.

Can't have another Les Enfants Terribles, eh?

If cloning was a viable option by that time, I'd be hard-pressed to not recreate Les Enfants Terribles.

Regardless, I plan on having two boys: David and Eli (which I assume is Liquid's name).

And a girl named Ellie, but that's for different reasons.

Tyger · February 22, 2015, 02:09:24 AM

Lol my girlfriend was super hardcore religious when we met, head of the fellowship of Christian athletes, went to church on Sunday's, was afraid of going to hell for shit like sex, didn't believe in evolution...

After 3 years of dating me she's now skeptically agnostic

to me the only things that are non negotiable are
1) physical attraction: a relationship just won't work if you think they're ugly
2)non-sexual emotion attraction: you should want to be around the person. Talk to them, learn about them, connect with them and not just want to bang them
3)willingness to compromise, this is a must for both people

Elai · February 22, 2015, 02:21:57 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:09:24 AM

Lol my girlfriend was super hardcore religious when we met, head of the fellowship of Christian athletes, went to church on Sunday's, was afraid of going to hell for shit like sex, didn't believe in evolution...

After 3 years of dating me she's now skeptically agnostic

to me the only things that are non negotiable are
1) physical attraction: a relationship just won't work if you think they're ugly
2)non-sexual emotion attraction: you should want to be around the person. Talk to them, learn about them, connect with them and not just want to bang them
3)willingness to compromise, this is a must for both people

Those are pretty generic, eh..?

The reason I put stuff like religious philosophy and such is because if the partner's have conflicting ideologies than it creates a negative atmosphere for raising children, which I view to be the most important part of being in a marriage. That sort of thing should be hammered out beforehand.

Tyger · February 22, 2015, 02:25:30 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:21:57 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:09:24 AM
Lol my girlfriend was super hardcore religious when we met, head of the fellowship of Christian athletes, went to church on Sunday's, was afraid of going to hell for shit like sex, didn't believe in evolution...

After 3 years of dating me she's now skeptically agnostic

to me the only things that are non negotiable are
1) physical attraction: a relationship just won't work if you think they're ugly
2)non-sexual emotion attraction: you should want to be around the person. Talk to them, learn about them, connect with them and not just want to bang them
3)willingness to compromise, this is a must for both people

Those are pretty generic, eh..?

The reason I put stuff like religious philosophy and such is because if the partner's have conflicting ideologies than it creates a negative atmosphere for raising children, which I view to be the most important part of being in a marriage. That sort of thing should be hammered out beforehand.

well that was kinda the point. I don't think there's a set of criteria for s relationship. If you have the 3 things I said you'll be okay. What if you meet the love of your life only to find out she's allegic to dogs? You just gunna dump her for one thing she has no control over?

Also

Quote

eh?

So Canada

Elai · February 22, 2015, 02:30:39 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:25:30 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:21:57 AM
Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:09:24 AM
Lol my girlfriend was super hardcore religious when we met, head of the fellowship of Christian athletes, went to church on Sunday's, was afraid of going to hell for shit like sex, didn't believe in evolution...

After 3 years of dating me she's now skeptically agnostic

to me the only things that are non negotiable are
1) physical attraction: a relationship just won't work if you think they're ugly
2)non-sexual emotion attraction: you should want to be around the person. Talk to them, learn about them, connect with them and not just want to bang them
3)willingness to compromise, this is a must for both people

Those are pretty generic, eh..?

The reason I put stuff like religious philosophy and such is because if the partner's have conflicting ideologies than it creates a negative atmosphere for raising children, which I view to be the most important part of being in a marriage. That sort of thing should be hammered out beforehand.
well that was kinda the point. I don't think there's a set of criteria for s relationship. If you have the 3 things I said you'll be okay. What if you meet the love of your life only to find out she's allegic to dogs? You just gunna dump her for one thing she has no control over?

The dog shit was just to fit the 3 limit. Besides, you can love dogs without having one. Obviously if I meet the love of my life, a dog won't come between us. Unless I already have a dog, then it's just not in the cards.

But the other two? Yeah, those would be deal breakers.

Quote

Also
Quote
eh?

So Canada

I had to edit this part out because it made absolutely no sense. It's late.

But in all honesty, I hear a lot of international people use "eh" the way Canadians stereotypically do.

Nascent Email · February 22, 2015, 03:42:41 AM

1) Willing to work and not guzzle up resources like a car

2) Willing to communicate with me to better our lives

3) Capable of being harsh when it is needed

I also expect anyone to expect the same of me

gats · February 22, 2015, 04:20:32 AM

Quote from: BrenMan 94 on February 22, 2015, 01:29:59 AM

1. Must indulge my kinks
2. Must be less intelligent than me
3. Must not be super religious

you want a slave?

challengerX · February 22, 2015, 04:24:11 AM

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Mattie G Indahouse · February 22, 2015, 05:18:23 AM

1: White skin.

2: Blue eyes.

3: Blond hair.

w/e · February 22, 2015, 05:37:06 AM

1) Intelligent in an interesting way... I feel like I can relate to Einstein on his wife because she was probs a casul/some kinds of sig of intelligence that's interesting in an analytical way
2) Realize her grounds. She can't be too social, but she still needs to understand that I'm a human, and she can't be too introverted, and not be able to talk to me.
3) Must be physically attractive in some way.

That's all I need from a person, I suppose.

Now for traits I'd love in a non-serious relation:
1) Cute 10/10 trap
2) Big tits
3) Super hot 10/10 trap

BrenMan 94 · February 22, 2015, 08:45:02 AM

Quote from: Gatsby | The Symbiote on February 22, 2015, 04:20:32 AM

Quote from: BrenMan 94 on February 22, 2015, 01:29:59 AM
1. Must indulge my kinks
2. Must be less intelligent than me
3. Must not be super religious
you want a slave?

Now you know why I'm perpetually single.

Tyger · February 22, 2015, 09:31:59 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:30:39 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:25:30 AM
Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:21:57 AM
Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:09:24 AM
Lol my girlfriend was super hardcore religious when we met, head of the fellowship of Christian athletes, went to church on Sunday's, was afraid of going to hell for shit like sex, didn't believe in evolution...

After 3 years of dating me she's now skeptically agnostic

to me the only things that are non negotiable are
1) physical attraction: a relationship just won't work if you think they're ugly
2)non-sexual emotion attraction: you should want to be around the person. Talk to them, learn about them, connect with them and not just want to bang them
3)willingness to compromise, this is a must for both people

Those are pretty generic, eh..?

The reason I put stuff like religious philosophy and such is because if the partner's have conflicting ideologies than it creates a negative atmosphere for raising children, which I view to be the most important part of being in a marriage. That sort of thing should be hammered out beforehand.
well that was kinda the point. I don't think there's a set of criteria for s relationship. If you have the 3 things I said you'll be okay. What if you meet the love of your life only to find out she's allegic to dogs? You just gunna dump her for one thing she has no control over?

The dog shit was just to fit the 3 limit. Besides, you can love dogs without having one. Obviously if I meet the love of my life, a dog won't come between us. Unless I already have a dog, then it's just not in the cards.

But the other two? Yeah, those would be deal breakers.

Quote
Also
Quote
eh?

So Canada

I had to edit this part out because it made absolutely no sense. It's late.

But in all honesty, I hear a lot of international people use "eh" the way Canadians stereotypically do.

I was just messing with ya, I actually hear Americans from the north use eh way more than I've ever heard Canadians use it, but I only know like... 5 Canadians

But back on topic, what if she was religious but didn't try to push her beliefs on you or your theoretical kids? Like she believed in God, maybe said a quick prayer before meals, occasionally went to church, but didn't try to push that on you?

Elai · February 22, 2015, 09:42:53 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 09:31:59 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:30:39 AM
Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:25:30 AM
Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:21:57 AM
Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:09:24 AM
Lol my girlfriend was super hardcore religious when we met, head of the fellowship of Christian athletes, went to church on Sunday's, was afraid of going to hell for shit like sex, didn't believe in evolution...

After 3 years of dating me she's now skeptically agnostic

to me the only things that are non negotiable are
1) physical attraction: a relationship just won't work if you think they're ugly
2)non-sexual emotion attraction: you should want to be around the person. Talk to them, learn about them, connect with them and not just want to bang them
3)willingness to compromise, this is a must for both people

Those are pretty generic, eh..?

The reason I put stuff like religious philosophy and such is because if the partner's have conflicting ideologies than it creates a negative atmosphere for raising children, which I view to be the most important part of being in a marriage. That sort of thing should be hammered out beforehand.
well that was kinda the point. I don't think there's a set of criteria for s relationship. If you have the 3 things I said you'll be okay. What if you meet the love of your life only to find out she's allegic to dogs? You just gunna dump her for one thing she has no control over?

The dog shit was just to fit the 3 limit. Besides, you can love dogs without having one. Obviously if I meet the love of my life, a dog won't come between us. Unless I already have a dog, then it's just not in the cards.

But the other two? Yeah, those would be deal breakers.

Quote
Also
Quote
eh?

So Canada

I had to edit this part out because it made absolutely no sense. It's late.

But in all honesty, I hear a lot of international people use "eh" the way Canadians stereotypically do.
I was just messing with ya, I actually hear Americans from the north use eh way more than I've ever heard Canadians use it, but I only know like... 5 Canadians

But back on topic, what if she was religious but didn't try to push her beliefs on you or your theoretical kids? Like she believed in God, maybe said a quick prayer before meals, occasionally went to church, but didn't try to push that on you?

Yeah, I knew you were joking. I just didn't have a clever response at 5 AM in the morning lol.

But on-topic...
It goes deeper than that, though. A lot of my views on life are extremely non-religious, and I just don't see a religious person holding those views. Things like anti-natalism or evolution really change how you see the world.

I mean, if by the slightest chance a potential (for example) Christian female subscribed to evolution, and said that Genesis wasn't literal, that would make her an idiot, and I wouldn't be attracted to her. She allows the Bible to dictate her life but she doesn't take the entire religion's catalyst literally? That makes no sense.

It's not so much "Oh, you're religious? I don't like you." that's the problem. It's that being religious by default, is typically an indication to a lack of intelligence or critical-thinking.

I'm not saying that all religious people = idiots, obviously. Turkey and Goji are both far smarter than I and they're religious. But the chances that a teenage girl can defend her beliefs as well as experienced, nerdy male keyboard warriors like the two I just brought up are slim to none. Not to mention, the chances that I'm attracted to girls in general to the point of considering a relationship are slim to none.

In conclusion:

It's not that I don't let myself get involved romantically with religious people, it's that I don't want to. Being religious is inherently unattractive to me.

Tyger · February 22, 2015, 09:50:12 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 09:42:53 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 09:31:59 AM
Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:30:39 AM
Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:25:30 AM
Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 02:21:57 AM
Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 02:09:24 AM
Lol my girlfriend was super hardcore religious when we met, head of the fellowship of Christian athletes, went to church on Sunday's, was afraid of going to hell for shit like sex, didn't believe in evolution...

After 3 years of dating me she's now skeptically agnostic

to me the only things that are non negotiable are
1) physical attraction: a relationship just won't work if you think they're ugly
2)non-sexual emotion attraction: you should want to be around the person. Talk to them, learn about them, connect with them and not just want to bang them
3)willingness to compromise, this is a must for both people

Those are pretty generic, eh..?

The reason I put stuff like religious philosophy and such is because if the partner's have conflicting ideologies than it creates a negative atmosphere for raising children, which I view to be the most important part of being in a marriage. That sort of thing should be hammered out beforehand.
well that was kinda the point. I don't think there's a set of criteria for s relationship. If you have the 3 things I said you'll be okay. What if you meet the love of your life only to find out she's allegic to dogs? You just gunna dump her for one thing she has no control over?

The dog shit was just to fit the 3 limit. Besides, you can love dogs without having one. Obviously if I meet the love of my life, a dog won't come between us. Unless I already have a dog, then it's just not in the cards.

But the other two? Yeah, those would be deal breakers.

Quote
Also
Quote
eh?

So Canada

I had to edit this part out because it made absolutely no sense. It's late.

But in all honesty, I hear a lot of international people use "eh" the way Canadians stereotypically do.
I was just messing with ya, I actually hear Americans from the north use eh way more than I've ever heard Canadians use it, but I only know like... 5 Canadians

But back on topic, what if she was religious but didn't try to push her beliefs on you or your theoretical kids? Like she believed in God, maybe said a quick prayer before meals, occasionally went to church, but didn't try to push that on you?
Yeah, I knew you were joking. I just didn't have a clever response at 5 AM in the morning lol.

But on-topic...
It goes deeper than that, though. A lot of my views on life are extremely non-religious, and I just don't see a religious person holding those views. Things like anti-natalism or evolution really change how you see the world.

I mean, if by the slightest chance a potential (for example) Christian female subscribed to evolution, and said that Genesis wasn't literal, that would make her an idiot, and I wouldn't be attracted to her. She allows the Bible to dictate her life but she doesn't take the entire religion's catalyst literally? That makes no sense.

It's not so much "Oh, you're religious? I don't like you." that's the problem. It's that being religious by default, is typically an indication to a lack of intelligence or critical-thinking.

I'm not saying that all religious people = idiots, obviously. Turkey and Goji are both far smarter than I and they're religious. But the chances that a teenage girl can defend her beliefs as well as experienced, nerdy male keyboard warriors like the two I just brought up are slim to none. Not to mention, the chances that I'm attracted to girls in general to the point of considering a relationship are slim to none.

In conclusion:

It's not that I don't let myself get involved romantically with religious people, it's that I don't want to. Being religious is inherently unattractive to me.

ah I see what you're saying

Yeah I could not deal with my gf not believing in evolution. I had to fix that shit ( our high school advances bio teacher helped too, she literally laughed at people who didn't believe in evolution)

Also just a side bar about one of your comments, the catholic church recognizes evolution and the Big Bang as real

Elai · February 22, 2015, 09:56:43 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 09:50:12 AM

Also just a side bar about one of your comments, the catholic church recognizes evolution and the Big Bang as real

I think it's just evolution, not the Big Bang. But I could be wrong.

But if you think about it, evolution contradicts Adam and Eve. Since we know evolution occurs, Adam and Eve is one of two things: non-literal or false. If the Catholic Church was to claim it was false (didn't happen), they would be rejecting the whole point of Jesus Christ: correcting the sins caused by man.

So, of course, they say it's non-literal. Which again, rejects the whole point of Jesus Christ.

Evolution and Judaic-based religions cannot coexist. End of story.

[We're derailing the thread, I just wanted to clarify my point.]

Turkey · February 22, 2015, 10:01:32 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 09:56:43 AM

Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 09:50:12 AM
Also just a side bar about one of your comments, the catholic church recognizes evolution and the Big Bang as real

I think it's just evolution, not the Big Bang. But I could be wrong.

The Big Bang Theory originated from a Catholic priest. They're totally on board.

Elai · February 22, 2015, 10:02:28 AM

Quote from: HurtfulTurkey on February 22, 2015, 10:01:32 AM

Quote from: Snake on February 22, 2015, 09:56:43 AM
Quote from: Tyger on February 22, 2015, 09:50:12 AM
Also just a side bar about one of your comments, the catholic church recognizes evolution and the Big Bang as real

I think it's just evolution, not the Big Bang. But I could be wrong.

The Big Bang Theory originated from a Catholic priest.

Yup. But I was referring to whether or not the Cathoic Church recognises the Big Bang to have happened or not.

Ah, I didn't see you're edit. My mistake, then.

CK97 · February 22, 2015, 11:00:32 AM

Whoops, forgot that I was in Serious. I'll put a serious edit later.

Mad Max · February 22, 2015, 02:37:55 PM

- non-religious
- doesn't want kids
- likes sports/outdoorsy shit

The last point sounds simple, but it really isn't. I don't want to spend my weekends laying around watching Netflix or going the to mall, that's such a waste of the beautiful weather we have here. I want to go for hikes, bike rides, play some basketball with our friends.

Destati · February 22, 2015, 04:03:20 PM

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Super Irish · February 22, 2015, 05:31:51 PM

They can have any traits so long as they're laid back about everything I do. I'd see arguments rising from religious beliefs, so non-religious would be preferred but I can't really decide who I'd end up marrying entirely.

🍁 Aria 🔮 · February 22, 2015, 08:46:29 PM

I have to be able to talk to you about everything, even if you don't want to talk back. Everybody loves a good listener.

There has to be a mutual attraction of course, emotionally and sexually.

Willing to make compromises is a must. Very important trait.

PSU · February 22, 2015, 08:49:07 PM

1. Faithful. Both to me and to God.
2. Able to Make her own money.
3. Be a great mom