The thing about depression is that it isn't sadness; the opposite is not a state of happiness. It is resignation, and the opposite is vitality. Depression takes the life out of life, and gives the world a haze through which you think you see clearly. Two words are simply needed when referring to depression, whether regarding yourself or somebody close to you: get help.

Story Section - 1
Alright, so this is the first in a series of threads to raise awareness of depression, it's symptoms, it's treatments and hopefully busting the crap out of the pervasive myths or misunderstandings that hang around this topic because few people want to start the discussion.

The picture at the top of the thread stood out to me as uncannily accurate. People who are depressed very rarely show that they are, let alone tell the people around them about it. They put on the smile or just a blank face to hide what's inside their head. I know I do, I'm sure other people do as well.

All of these stories will be posted anonymously, the only person who knows the identity of those telling the stories will be me. I'm not going to be divulging the names for obvious reasons. Some weren't too bothered about anonymity for their story but I'll keep it blank by default and they can let people know if they wish.

Story #1

Spoiler

I do have a story to share with you concerning depression and cyber bullying.

A while back, but not that far back, I was an avid World of Warcraft addict. Worked my job for eight hours, came home and raided for another eight every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. All the other days I spent grinding for gold of leveling my alts for similar time periods. In reflection, it wasn't a good point in my life.

Then one day not sure why or when it started, I don't even remember what they said anymore, I started being harassed by the members of a random guild.

When I attempted to sell items in Trade Chat they would spam messages to immediately bump my message out of view so that I could not sell anything. They followed my guild raids into the zone and constantly posted hurtful messages about me. They sent me PMs with more messages of the same content.

I of course blocked them so they couldn't send me PMs and I couldn't see their messages but their spam still disrupted my sales and got to the point where random Pick up Groups started rejecting me for dungeons even though I more than met gear and skill requirements because of the crap they heard from this guild.

I was furious. I PM'd GMs multiple times about the issue and each time they either couldn't or wouldn't do anything to stop them. Being young I didn't want to or know to escalate it further and to not stop until I got a satisfactory ending so I just continued on dealing with it. I couldn't just log out either. I was a raiding member of a guild clearing newish content. I couldn't just pop offline whenever the assholes started posting. My guild needed me. And being a social outcast in real life, my guild mates were the best friendships I had. I even bought tickets to St. Louis to have a get together with them.

It got so bad and I was feeling like such crap that I admitted to the GM responding to my latest report about these griefers that I felt like giving it all up and ending it all and he had to talk me down or he was going to call the cops and give them my address so they would make sure I didn't kill myself.

I'm not sure what happened to the players in question after that. I don't think Blizzard ever did anything but eventually my computer couldn't keep up with new content and I got side lined in raids and I just stopped playing and that killed the problem.

To this day, anyone putting down a person feeling suicidal or depressed gets my blood boiling because they are insulting me. They are calling me a pussy, they are calling me weak willed and I'll be -blam!-ed if I'm going to take that shit lying down anymore, I'll be -blam!-ed if I let the same shit that happens to me happens to someone else, and I'll be -blam!-ed if I let some -blam!-ty Ann peice of shit dump on a person already feeling like shit.

Story #2

Spoiler

So I'm going to give you my story on an alt. You prooobably know who I am and I wont bother getting into my persona to mask it. I was just too embarrassed to tell you on my main.

It's for you thread should you share it anon. A treatment or idea of sorts.

I suffered from depression for over four years. Got into the cutting scene and was raised in an emotionally, mentally and psychically abusive family. Which is, I believe, the cause of all of my mental crutches. The option to see a therapist wasn't there. It simply didn't and doesn't exist for some people. "Getting help" isn't easy, especially with the social pressure that hovers around asking for it.

I turned 18 and was kicked out of my house while attending college which lead me to turn to games, poor eating/sleeping habits, and denial. Though talking to a selected few did help, it was little more than putting a band-aid over an open wound. A temporary fix to a large problem. As the years went on the depression seemed to drag. Some days I would be okay, other days it was too much effort to breath. I only wished to stay in bed all day. Later a family member got me a cat.

This helped a lot. It kept my mind busy and made me feel needed. I felt more motivated to go to my job everyday so I would have money to spoil him. I would go outside more often, walking him on his leash and allowing everyone to admire him. He understood certain words when I used him. Knew his name, knew when he had misbehaved. Having such a smart pet made me proud. Gave me a sense of accomplishment.
I loved him just as I did my family and friends. But only a year of having him, he became terminally ill. I made the most crippling choice in my life and had to put him down to end his pain. My depression peaked at this point. My mind hardly recalls those days even now.

What I do remember is living in a fog. My body on autopilot. When I wasn't working I was sleeping. Didn't eat. Hardly drank water. Closed up to anyone who tried to talk to me. Thoughts of suicide strangled me. My room was a constant mess. Never cared about my attire or appearance very much then. It was too much trouble and simply wasn't worth it. Each day that passed felt more and more of a chore. Existing was a chore.

It finally broke me one day at my job. Working the night shift and I sat in the back and cried as a child would. My hands were shaking. It was it. It was the day I was done.

Completely done with everything. Despite that something in me still wanted to live. I flipped through my contacts searching desperately for someone to call. To talk to me and listen. I wanted help now. Being alone was too difficult. Holding it in; hiding from the world. Putting on a smile when I was around people to pretend everything was fine. Goofing off so no one would even have an idea that I wasn't okay.

There was no single person I had the courage to pour out to so I bit my cheek and wrote out a confession on my facebook. I told everyone. Absolutely terrified that I would be scolded, patronized or belittled for it. It was the opposite though.

My friends gave me so much support. Family members were giving suggestions. Phone calls. Texts. I finished closing the store, went home to my flatmate asking what she could do to help. I cried in relief that night. Even as I type that sensation of it is causing me to tear up in happiness.

It was time to change. I cut out soda and junk food entirely. Instead of going home and jumping in bed or on the xbox I took a walk. Explored the rural expanse around me. Sat and stared out at the lake to relax on clear nights. I took the effort to talk to friends about things that stressed me out. Soon a work out routine fell into place.

Every two days a week I set aside time to clean the house. Even making sure to keep every thing as tidy as I could. Once I forced myself into being healthy physically my mind slid into place. The depression and suicidal thoughts ebbed away.
Happiness became genuine. It was as if a massive weight on my mind, chest and shoulders had melted away slowly. It was crazy. Just by changing my diet, talking to people, and organizing myself the depression was going away. To this day I find it bizarre and wonderful all at the same time. It was one of the most difficult paths however.

To be in a state of not wanting to do anything, because it simply didn't matter
To doing everything a functioning person would do. Choosing to do it. And getting better due to that. Convincing myself was hard however. It wasn't as simple as snapping my fingers and thinking "today I will get better". It was a road of success and failure. Some days you won the battle, other days the battle drowned you.

But you have to keep grabbing for that light at the end of the tunnel. It's there. You probably can't see it but once you do you'll never let it go. While it will fade some nights and the depression will nibble at your mind, you will feel so much lighter. So much more wonderful in the process. That's all I've got to say. Really rather a messy and all over story but *shrugs*

Story #3

Spoiler

When i was younger, I went through some Very intense situations. I had always wanted to be one of the baddest dudes i worked with. I was a private contractor. And i Was a badass.
I was put in with this company of men because my father was a higher up. But in his eyes, and everyones, i was the youngster who had to prove himself. And so i always volunteered for the most dangerous/ difficult situations. Put myself at the front of the violence and chaos.
This went on for years. Me trying to prove myself to my elders and everyone i worked with i was capable of shouldering the burden. That i could function in such a chaotic environment. This was not the place for the faint of heart. I saw more violence and death than most can fathom.
Before i knew it. I was getting older. I was no longer that guy kicking the door in, i was the one telling people where to go and what to do.
Every time i came home. To the family events. Hanging out with friends. I never belonged. I was "tainted". I felt i did NOT belong here with all this "happiness" I was supposed to be in the shit. Where i belonged. My father once told me that the difference between me and him was that while i was " ballsy enough to kick a door in and kill someone. He was smarter because he would just cut a check"
I once tried to talk to my mother. Her response was "If you cant handle it dont do it"
She was right, but i HAD to prove myself. It was who i was. And prove myself i did.
Over time i became depressed. When i was young, i thought for sure, i would be dead by them time i hit 21. Then it became id be dead by the time i was 25. I didnt belong in safety. The niceties of life were not for the likes of me. I belonged in the mud. The jungles. The chaos was where i thrived. That was where I, felt comfortable. I could not fit in at home. Noone could understand me.
Thats what i always told myself. Noone could understand my path through life. The things I had done, I always tried to justify it. "People just live in their bubble world" while i lived in the "real" one.
I didnt want to be alive. I was sick of being called a mercenary. Even my military friends couldnt reach me. I wanted to just enlist, go special forces, and die for my country. Because then my family would be able to be proud of me.
I had a close friend commit suicide. Another died . And another. I was at the breaking point. I couldnt do this anymore.
I took a year off from work. From life. I went to my families beach house. All i did was fish and row around. Relaxing. Completely unplugged. It took me that entire year to slow down my inner rage. To quiet the anger that was so defining of me. I had done things that most wont ever know or understand. But i came to peace with my journey through life. I got back into the business, with a condition that i no longer be involved in operations, and that i move into office side of things. While it is still a struggle sometimes. I no longer scream in my sleep. I actually SLEEP. more than 3-4 hours at a time as was my habit before this hiyatis. And Sleep, Is So AMAZING.
And while many can never take that much time off work, i was fortunate to have made so much money leading up to my collapse i was able to do so.
I got back into video games. Which were always a Disconnect for me. It allowed me to live in another world. Not mine. And i have to say, I love , getting my Nerd on.
Im now soon to be engaged. Living life, Enjoying. Life. Because Life i realized, Is Amazing. Life is Always worth living. No matter how difficult it is in the moment, or has been. The future, is always there. On the Horizon for us to seize. So get out there, Live life. Because its the only one we get.

Story Section - 3

Story #7

Spoiler

In short, I was brought up to be Homophobic in every aspect. Anything remotely homosexual was frowned upon and anyone who had feelings for the same sex were f%#cked up/wrong/sick, etc. As I grew older, I started hating myself as I realized that I'm Bisexual. Well, for a long time it was denial. How could I be that messed up? How could I be one of those freaks? So I got pretty depressed. Attempted suicide a couple of times but couldn't pull it off.
In short, I ended up falling in love and realized that the world wasn't as dark as it seemed. Then I came to terms with who I am a few months later and am probably only alive because of that girl I fell for.

Story #8

Spoiler

This is my depression story

So about two years a friend of mine started dating this girl. When he first introduced me to her I remember thinking how beautiful she was. I didn't think much about her over the summer but when we got back to school I started getting to know her better and I loved everything about her. We would chat all the time on facebook, we'd help each other out with our problems and also have great laughs. We had so much in common. It wasn't long before I realised I was in love, but of course I couldn't do anything about it.

At first I just felt a little bummed seeing them together but it got worse gradually. One time I just randomly broke down in front of all my friends and I was so embarrassed. That night I self harmed.

I don't know why I fell for her so badly but I was so madly, desperately in love that I decided I couldn't take this any more. In January last year I ran away from home to a bridge and considered jumping. Obviously I couldn't so I returned home to find the police waiting for me. I was put onto a government list of young people at risk to themselves.

A couple of months later I was brought down severely again when I accidentally let something personal about her slip. I told her out of guilt but I realised she didn't trust me any more and that night I cried myself to sleep.

In March she started trying to distance herself from me and it was noticeable. I confronted her but she denied it, but I knew she was and I didn't know why, but it hurt so much as despite being the bane of my life she was also the only thing I had. We had a huge fight that ended with her telling me to get the -blam!- away from her so I did.

A few weeks past and I started harbouring resentment and hatred for her, as I felt she has been really nasty to me. She broke up with my friend in April. Over the next 3 months I distanced from that friend and made new friends...

...only for her to start dating one of my new friends. I was so angry and hurt as I thought I had finally gotten rid of her but now she was coming back into my life. She kept trying to make up with me but I blanked her and intended to keep it that way, but in August she finally got through to me and we talked it out.

So a week later that friend had a party and he was making out with her the whole time, which destroyed me as all my feelings for her came flooding back. I never stopped having feelings for her despite dating another girl briefly in November.

So time passed, I fell out with her a lot but we were still friends but I was still madly in love with her. These feelings were emphasised as I fell out with her bf in January and my anger towards him created more jealousy and I felt for her even more. I tried to move school and also tried to kill myself again.

Then out of the blue she started being nasty to me again, calling me names and making fun of me for having feelings for her, then she got her friend to send me more abuse over facebook. However soon she started trying to get back in touch with me and I knew now she was messing me around so I cut her, her bf and her friends out of my life and I am now happier.

Story #9

Spoiler

My family moved around a lot. I always knew that any friends I made would have to be left, so I didn't bother. But we had a dog, and I got really attached to him. I never thought about death or the fact that I would outlive him. In hindsight I realize that getting that attached was a terrible idea. He began to get old. started forgetting that he could back up, so we always had to help him out of corners. He had a stroke, so we decided to put him down.
I was the only one who had him as an only friend. I couldn't stop crying. Sometimes I still cry. I started eating a lot. Put on a lot of weight. Broke down daily. It was like that until very recently. I blamed myself. I thought that there had to have been something I could do to save him. I self harmed because of it. Whenever i was alone I would hit my head. I don't even know why I chose that. I probably gave myself multiple concussions, but never went to a doctor for it. I couldn't let anybody know. To everyone else it seemed like nothing had changed. they eventually began to notice me being angrier though. I get violently angry fast. I started a habit of chewing on my lip because it hurt and it made me bleed. I thought about suicide daily. I would scratch myself with my pocket knife, just to see how easy it was. I wouldn't draw blood because I was scared.
Eventually my cousin died in a car crash. that made things even worse. I once again thought that if I had done something different or better she would have survived. She was in a different state, but I wasn't thinking about that. I began to hate myself. Every part of myself.
My family got close to another family. I became friends one of them. His sister was very young, but got cancer. It was kind of worrying, but he got better. But then it came back. She died, and I blamed myself.
Then nothing changed for a long time. Daily thoughts of how much happier others would be if I died. It was terrible. I eventually was ready. i wasn't even going to bother with a note, just do it and be done. I was just about to do it, when i just collapsed. I started crying, couldn't move at all. Nothing hurt anymore. I had dropped the knife and was just lying there. There was no cut on me. I couldn't figure out why nothing hurt anymore.
I have to go. I'll finish it later.
I couldn't figure out why nothing hurt anymore. I couldn't figure out why I was happy. I was supposed to be sad. I was a coward. I couldn't do it. But I no longer wanted to. I couldn't move at all for an hour. I could just breath. i started laughing. I couldn't help it. I was so happy without even having a reason. It hasn't been a whole year since then yet. I'm still not completely happy, but i don't blame myself. None of my friends have been able to match my dog, but I realize that I can't bring him back.