Today we will follow "Jeff." Jeff has school today. First day back from summer, he is now going to be a freshman in high school.
Jeff awakens to the piercing sound of crashing ocean waves. Slamming the alarm off, he turns over to catch a few more Zs. But his mother wouldn't have that.
"Jeffy, back your bags and get your breakfast, the bus leaves in 10 minutes!"
Jeffy, barely audible, replies, "OKAYYYY MOMMMMMM GGRRRRBBLLLLLLLLlll pp..."
Did you know that when you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?

"Damn that voice, damn it to Harlow's dungeon!" Jeff thinks. The voice in his head has now awoken him sufficiently, and he rises from his bed. The rest of his morning preparations go uneventfully, and he climbs aboard the bright yellow school bus on time. As Jeff finishes ascending the steps he takes a leisurely scan down the bus for available seating. He sees a neighbor, a fellow Sapphire member, seated three seats down. Jeff scuffles over and smiles at Pip as he sits down. Naturally, Jeff begins a normal conversation with Pip.
"Hey P, you see Harlow's post in Sapphire? Funny as hell right? He must be pretty cool."
"Ya he's chill, I totally respect him," Pip replies.
Jeff starts again, "What about th-"
"Please stop talking about Sapphire," Pip says forcefully. Taken back and a bit offended, Jeff turns to face straight ahead. Pondering, he begins talking again.
"But we always talk about our epic forum adventures, I thought you liked Sapphire."
Pip is more relaxed and sincere now, his initial annoyance has receded.
"I do, but this is high school. We can't be talking about some internet forum group and about how we adore Harlow with all of our hearts."
Jeff, saddened, doesn't understand his dear friend's sentiment.
Pip continues, "If we want to get any new friends we gotta be-"
Jeff cuts in, "not gotta, we should, Pip. Should."
"Yeah. Anyway, we should discuss more social things, worldly events, stuff like that. No one will want to talk about what we normally talk about."
Now Jeff is quite sad. He feels some pulsing pains in his butt, and his buttox tightens. But Jeff is used to this sensation, so he quickly relaxes his butt muscles.
After a few quiet minutes, the bus arrives at school.Jeff hops out and sees Pip already talking with other unfamiliar kids. Disappointed but still light-hearted for school, he strolls through the front doors. Jeff's first class is History. He grabs a seat between a cute girl with ponytailed black hair (to his left) and an a kid (on his right) whos bulging flaps of lipid protruded so far as to nearly touch Jeff's desk. Jeff had now nearly gone 10 minutes without speaking to anyone. After figuring the fat kid may be feeling jolly and acceptable, Jeff leans over, avoiding the kid's fat, and half-whispers,
"Hey you like history? Know anything about this teacher?"
The fat kid turns his melon and answers with harsh pickle-smelling breath, "All I know is that I wanna suck her tits bro, hahaha."
Jeff was quite startled by such a frank remark. Replying hastily, he replies, "Yeah like Harlow sucked Jay hahaha man that must have been great."
Fatty stared at him. "The ­-blam!- you babbling about bro?"
"Nevermind," Jeff said as Fatty's babe of a teacher began introducing herself to the class.
Her name is Shiska and indeed she is attractive. Her boobs bounce when she walks to and fro, and her generous buttcheecks wave hello to anyone fortunate enough to get a good look. And you can be sure Fatty does.
Suddenly Fatty begins moaning ever so slightly. Jeff glances over and sees Fatty obviously jerking his wang beneath his flabs of fat and his I LUV METAL t-shirt. With the smell of large wet pickles in the air, the faint sound of "fapfapfapfapfap," and Shiska's swaying breasts, Jeff begins to get horny. The chemicals are swimming throughout his body.
It has been 5 hours. When will you satisfy yourself to this glory?

"Not now I am in class," Jeff thinks.
FOOL. You cannot resist. Imagine what you would do to that. You can live that right now.

"No, I can't," Jeff insists.
YES. PLEASURE YOURSELF LIKE FATTY. SPRAY YOURSELF OVER THAT CUTE GIRL OVER THERE. I SEE HER, YOU SEE HER. WHY WAIT?!
"NO!" Jeff yells in his head. Or so he thought. He sees all students turn and look directly at him. Even the fapfapfap has ceased.
"I'm sorry, I need to use the restroom," Jeff quickly mutters and bolts out of the room.
Still horny as hell, Jeff claims himself a stall in the freshly polished restroom and begins to ponder.
"Well, no one else is here right now..."
Yes. Do it. It will be so satisfying. Imagine the pleasuring.

Jeff is now speaking aloud. "You don't need to remind me!" Jeff states defiantly, whips out a picture of a young body clad scantily and simultaneously whips out his raging di­ck. Stroking and moaning, Jeff proceeds to pleasure himself in a dirty way which he often fantasized about: in a public restroom! ­
"-blam!- the world, muahahaha!" Jeff laughs menacingly and joyfully as he explodes onto the green stall door ahead of him.
After cleaning himself and his secretions, Jeff strolls out of the restroom happier than ever, forgetting he has his fap picture in his hand. By sheer chance, his friend Pip is walking into the restroom.
"Dude, you know you are holding a picture of Harlow? Better put that away. People may think you are weird with a picture of a random dude, especially one with the dude wearing basically nothing."
Jeff looks up, embarrassed at first, but the initial feeling passes.
"I don't care what they think," he says, giggling.
"Alright man, see ya later," Pip replies, rushing past.
His eyes following his friend rush into the bathroom, Jeff caught a glance of a picture jutting out of Pip's right pocket.
"Hehe...what if we both?..." Jeff thinks.
You still have some more in there. Do it for Harlow.

Jeff casually makes his way into the restroom behind Pip.

we exist in a realm beyond the mortal internet

Hank: So, uh, this morning i caught Bobby watching *Japanese Cartoons* on the computer. It was just a bunch of pink and sparkles and little girls with alien eyes. I tell ya, that boy ain't right.

Dale: Sounds like a classic gray alien to me. You know they've already invaded human society in a plot to enslave us all.

Boomhauer:Youknowdemjapanesecartoonsmandemboomboompowninjam agicdemgatdangsushirollsanddemtentaclecom
cisman. Lolis.

Bill: I knew a guy on the army base who liked to watch Japanese cartoons in the computer lab. His captain caught him and he was discharged for being "undesirable". What a shame.

Hank: But why would he be interested in asian cartoons? What ever happened to Superman - The Man of Steel, and the rest of the Justice League? And why would a boy be interested in watching little japanese girls have tea parties or arrange flowers?

Dale: It's todays youth culture, Hank. They're not interested in caped crusaders who fight for morality. They like the exotic and the sexually ambiguous.

Hank: Well i'll be damned if i'm going to let Bobby turn into an oriental sissy. First thing tomorrow i'm taking him to the comic book store and buying him a Superman comic.

Bill: Oh! While you're there, could you pick me up a copy of Azumanga Daioh? The computer lab guy said it was "kah-whhyyyy"

Hank: .....Go home Bill.

I WAS LEGENDARY

AND NOW I'M ASCENDED

WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE JUST TRACED YOUR IP AND MOSSAD HAS BEEN DISPATCHED TO YOUR LOCATION

aber mein juden goldsack ist voll

hilfe mir

little witty messages posted on the tab for the home page of this site like on b.old


get on it cheat

they wouldn't have hated each other so much

>just your average floodian
>like any other sensible floodian, i want to experience b.old again
>go to web.archive.org
>"http://www.bungie.net"
>select september 7th, 2012 snapshot
>out of sheer curiosity, i click the sign in button
>"Hrm. Wayback Machine doesn't have that page archived."
>see's "Save this url in the Wayback Machine"
>clicks
>refreshes
>i am greeted by the hotmail sign in page
>can it be
>shaking with anticipation, i type my log in info
>i press sign in
>"Hrm. Wayback Machine doesn't have that page archived."
>i save the url and refresh
>"Please enter the password for your hotmail account."
>no
>i repeat what i did
>same thing happens
>tfw you will never sign in on b.old ever again
feels bad man

In Bel-Air, California, born and raised
At the country club is where I spent most of my days.
Having a lark, relaxing all day
Driving some balls right down the fairway
When a band of ruffians, believing they had impunity
Started making trouble in my community
I got in one mere tussle and it gave my mom the willies,
She said "You're moving to your aunt and your uncle in West Philly."
I hired a limo, and as it drew near
The license plate said "DAPPER" and it had dice in the mirror.
I could only deduce that this limousine was quite frilly,
But I paid it no mind and directed the driver, "To West Philly!"
I arrived at the house at 7:34
And gave a generous tip to my kindly chauffeur
Looked upon my new residence, the weather was chilly
But I knew that I was now the Dapper Lad of West Philly

itt: discuss how great my copy and paste skills are