Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - Verbatim

Pages: 1 ... 240241242 243244 ... 1601
7231
The Flood / Say something intelligent
« on: July 10, 2017, 03:27:50 PM »
go

7232
The Flood / Re: critique my story please
« on: July 10, 2017, 01:11:49 PM »
Spoiler
Five minutes notice I was given for this case,[1] what a bunch of bullshit. Anyway, though,[2] I was at Francis Square, [3] saw that place a hundred yards away from the edge of the street. The information we were given was appeared to be[4] accurate -[5] how couldn't it have been? That old maniac was scared out of his mind, but at least the[6] The trip up there was easy enough. [7] No one Nobody[8] lingered out of their homes this late, and it was still far too early soon[9] for any early risers. When we[10] got to the edge of this purported residence, Larcel stopped and looked toward[11] me.

"Do you want to lead?" She was still mad, but she didn't want to show it.

"Sure." I reluctantly stepped forward and continued toward the house. It was certainly the kind of place that would provoke myths about it - black curtains fluttered in the wind, and the bleak walls begged for[12] me to look away. It only served to solidify my hypothesis that this place was blackened[13]. We cautiously made our way up the steps, onto the house's shambling porch.

It was obviously a residence of natural origin, but the aberration had definitely exaggerated it. The whole place looked like an R.L. Stine cover. Way too obvious, but I guess this is what society eats up. God, Francis Square - if they could see the shit that gets dragged up to Lockturne Point, they wouldn't see fear as entertainment anymore.

As I strode down the creaking deck, I glanced to Larcel. The anger towards me was still there, but now there was fear, there[14] too. I couldn't say I blamed her,[15] I figured the dark isn't for everybody. But that sight earned her a shade of pity from me.

"Avery, it's okay. It's nothing."

She gave me a look of forced puzzlement. "Yeah? I know."

I had to stop myself from betraying my stoicism. "All right, cool. It should be this up ahead." I pointed to an old decorative mirror leaning against the deck's railing. We approached it, and sure enough, we had found our culprit.

Larcel looked into the mirror and tilted her head. "No…[16]reflection. How is this possible?"

"The dark has many ways of altering our world. Part of it is illusion, and part of it is fabric. I think this is the former, there's nothing here to indicate anything but a T1 case.[17]

"T1, first class transport. So a looking glass. A window?"

I smiled at how quick she was getting this. Of course most of the people who have earned my trust had come from Phlaurel's, but she seemed like an exceptional one, right from the start - despite her sordid history. "That's right. My guess is that our aberration is a weak one trying to terrify people. Collect more deaths."

Larcel couldn't help but smile. I knew it, she loved this job. "That would make sense!" She[18] said, looking toward the mirror. "So, just the basic neutralization? I don't think this needs anything else."

"Yes, that should do it."

There was a pause I didn't expect.

"Proceed with the neutralization, Avery."

She looked at me and gave a chuckle. "Yeah, no thanks."

I cracked a smile too. "You aren't superstitious, are you?"

"No!" she quickly said, but I knew. That made me laugh, the thought of an agent from WAP being scared of social compulsions invented to keep you frugal. 'Spill any of my salt or crack any of my mirrors and you'll get bad luck!'[19] It's not hard to see why people started to live by that kind of nonsense.

"Hey, don't laugh at me, man," she said. "I don't need that extra weight on my mind. You're competent enough, find a rock." She smiled at me.

"Unbelievable," I said as I went towards the yard. What was really unbelievable even less believable,[20] though, was how quick Larcel had come around. Mad at me for doing my job, then happy because she started doing the interesting part of hers.

It wasn't hard to find a rock, and so I soon came back to the deck with one. Of course, the aberration was in the mirror now - a perfect duplicate of me.

"I don't toy with you like some of us." I raised my arm, and the aberration predictably shook its head, tried to stop me through body language, but it was no use. The T1 vessel was destroyed by a natural, amazing rock and all was right. I got that flighting feeling of accomplishment, as usual, but Larcel looked shaken.

'[21]Something wrong, Agent?" I tried not to empathize the last word, but I probably did anyway.

"Of course not," she lied said, obviously lying[22]. "I was just - I wasn't expecting it to try to…[23]"

"Bargain?" I finished for her. I then continued, "That look of fear in its eyes was a mimicry. Fear is a human quality - an aberration like that can't cannot[24] comprehend the feeling. It was trying to illicit[25] sympathy from us, which is why we can't it give any[26]. The dark isn't foolish, Avery. Like any parasite, it learns how to best feed off its host."

"Why can we only break the vessel, though?"[27] Larcel asked. I thought to myself, here we go.[28] The next question she asked was a normal one, but still one that I didn't like to answer. "Why can't we end that thing for good?"

I sighed before I answered. "Your curriculum at Phlaurel's taught you the standards for neutralization, exorcism, and containment. There's a reason that elimination isn't a subject - it doesn't exist. When these anomalies bind themselves to our world, they have to follow the laws of our reality. The bindings they use are things we know, things we can neutralize. But the aberrations themselves are nothing but dark." I looked away from Larcel, unsure of how to proudly explain the concept. "There's nothing we can currently do to challenge the dark directly, just as they can't challenge us in that manner." She looked disappointed, so I added[29] "Believe me, I'd love to end this sick cycle. But it's all we can do, keep the cycle going so we don't end up on the wrong side of it. Do you understand?"

She hesitated, then simply said[30] "Yeah. I do."

I was more perceptive than she would've liked. "You're still conflicted. You want this to be easy and pure. That's only natural - complexity is a path to corruption. But I've learned the hard way that when you step into this fight, you lose some of your nature. I didn't want to dose our informant back at that station any more than I want to do anything I do in the duty of light. But you can't hold onto your purity like the rest of our world and still expect to be a capable warden against these terrors."

"That's what judgment calls are for," Larcel said, the fire I saw at the station back in her eyes. "We don't have to make ethical choices all the time, but when we can, we should. Why the hell not?"

There she went again. I was beginning to worry about Larcel. She had the competence for this field, surely. But a tumor of doubt grew in my mind that she may not have the philosophy for it.[31]

"You say 'ethical' - ethics are what keep society peaceful, they're what keep the trains running on time. What we deal with is right and wrong: morality. And morality doesn't care for suffering or altruism, it cares for the natural and unnatural. If there was even an iota of a chance of him convincing people what he saw, or even worse, them becoming corrupted by it, then I made the right choice."

She shook her head. "What about the people he did ramble to? Isn't there an 'iota' that they could take him seriously?"

"As you said, it's a judgment call. What our informant saw was real - he knew it to be certain. They thought it the ramblings of a man with too much liquor in his stomach. And at best, he would shake it off as just that,[32] a night of too much drinking. But that dark would still linger in his mind. Even in the sense of petty ethics, how would relieving him of that burden not be a service to him?"

Larcel was silent, so I continued. "You know, before we had amnestics[33] the policy was to eliminate our informants."

She scoffed. Still mad, illogically so. "Why is that no surprise to me?"

"It's what needed to-"

"No," she said, glaring at me. "Just stop. You know, I only joined WAP because I thought at least I could still make a difference here. Maybe I still can. But I didn't betray my brothers and sisters to get on your propaganda infested[34] mental level,[35] I did it so their good wasn't for nothing. Don't mistake my willing leave from the coalition as abandoning what it stood for."

"This is dangerous talk, Agent. Remember that deviation from our mission is cause for expulsion."

She was furious now. "Then fucking report me, Jack. This isn't 1984[36], even WAP doesn't have a stamp on my thoughts. If you think I'm going to do anything but what I took an oath to do, then you don't know me. I won't let my common decency get in the way of global protection, but I'm damn sure not going to hide it either."

I rolled my eyes. Technically, she was right. But it still wasn't a proper mindset for a soldier of the light. "Fine, Agent Larcel. Keep holding onto that if it makes you feel better. It's only another rung for aberrations to cling to."

"At least the rung is there for the rest of us to grab, too," she said, twisting my metaphor[37]. "Now I'm sure Dezel wouldn't want you to loiter at an unnatural site. Let's go." She took off toward the car.

"And who's the stickler now?" I said in a playful manner, following her. She was silent, and I dropped the conversation. I may have been the best agent this century, but I was no conversationalist.

Larcel took a pack of cigarettes out of her jacket before entering the passenger seat of the car.

"You smoke those things?" I asked incredulously, sliding into the driver's side.

She scoffed as she lit it, as if that was a ridiculous question. "Of course I do."

I shook my head as I turned the key in the ignition. "I will not abide that disgusting toxin in this car. Look - you're already getting your odor everywhere."

"Not your car," she said flippantly. "Deal with it."

I was getting slightly irritated now, I'll admit. I didn't refuse to move the vehicle or anything - we began to cruise down the dead country road - but I wouldn't let her have this. "I will remind you, I'm the senior agent here. All calls are at my discretion."

Larcel took a long drag before responding. "Yeah, this isn't exactly a 'call'. There's no threat to world protection or the natural stasis here - just to your oh-so-delicate sensibilities."

I couldn't help[38] but roll my eyes. She lacked the respect toward me that I deserved. "Whatever, Agent. Smoke it up. If you want to be unprofessional, it will be reflected on your performance brief."

She looked at me, this time the incredulity in her eyes. "You would fucking mark me down for having a cigarette? Jesus Christ, man, this is beyond by the book and into literal pettiness."

I shook my head. "It has nothing to do with you. You're on a case right now. What's next, am I going to see you hit up our informant for a sip of his flask? Maybe stop by the local[39] high school and see if a degenerate kid[40] will sell you a doobie?"

"You are unbelievable," she said, tossing her lit cigarette out the window. "Cigarettes don't get you high or wasted, they calm your nerves."

"Any recreational substance affects your judgment, Avery. And-"

"It's Agent Larcel."

I had to pretend that didn't hurt a little. "Yes. Agent Larcel. And when you're representing our order, you need to be in peak physical and mental condition, in every way. A taste of mental freedom at the expense of your senses is far from worth it."

She scoffed and just stared ahead without responding.

"Hate me for it if you want, Agent. I'm your partner, not your friend. You have off-time, smoke all the cigarettes you want to then."

"Oh, I intend to."



It was a few days before I saw Larcel again. I had been given a more serious case by Dezel - she wanted me to take Sabin or another veteran agent, but I could do this alone if I had to, and I wanted Larcel to see this anyway. Her face showed a bit more hesitation this time, and as soon as she entered the car, she began to babble to me.

"Agent Schuyler, I am…so truly embarrassed about my hesitation to carry out the standard amnestic procedures last Saturday. I can't say I rescind my stance on my cigarette usage, but I gave a lot of thought to what you said about Garcia, and you're right. He's better off now than before. Just know that any conflict I have with you isn't personal, I just want to do my job and do it right."

I smiled. "That's very big of you to say, Agent Larcel, thank you."

"Please, just call me Avery. There's no need for such formalities between us, I was just…annoyed the other day."

"I understand. Now, shall I brief you on what we're dealing with?"
i converted this to block style format just to make it easier for me

you can take my suggestions or leave them, but i tried my best to help out with the more technical aspects of the story, while still maintaining the style (which is the challenging part for me) and of course the content is entirely unchanged

underlined words are my own added in as suggestions; instead of deleting words, i struck them out so you can see what i changed

i got a little lazy towards the end

[1] comma splice
[2] you could omit these two words and have it flow better, i think
[3] awkward sentence—is the word "when" missing here, between "Francis Square" and "saw"? if so, you don't need the comma
[4] to eke out a more uncertain atmosphere, i recommend using the less-committal "appeared to be" over "was"
[5] i recommend using em dashes (—) rather than hyphens—microsoft word makes them automatically if you type two hyphens, or you can use alt+0151
[6] some personal embellishments:
- Old: That old maniac was scared out of his mind. The trip up there was easy enough.
- Suggestion: That old maniac was scared out of his mind, but at least the trip up there was easy enough.
- Suggestion: That old maniac was scared out of his mind. At least the trip up there was easy enough.
[7] extra space after the period—it's actually not grammatically incorrect to place two spaces after a period, but you have to be consistent about it
[8] you could say "nobody" instead of "no one" here, if you want to establish a more informal narrative voice
[9] i'm not a fan of using the same adjective twice in one sentence if you can avoid it
- Old: No one lingered out of their homes this late, and it was still far too early for any early risers.
- Suggestion: Nobody lingered out of their homes this late, and it was still far too soon for any early risers.
- Suggestion: Nobody lingered out of their homes this late, and it was still far too early for anyone else to be up.
[10] i think you should establish that Schuyler isn't alone and has a partner a little bit earlier—she kinda comes out of nowhere
[11] i personally like "towards" better than just "toward," but it doesn't really matter
[12] this is a good metaphor, but "begged for me to look away" is more grammatical
[13] what did you mean by this? did you mean haunted? that would make more sense in the context of having a "hypothesis"
[14] comma after "fear," omit the second "there"
[15] comma splice
- Old: I couldn't say I blamed her, I figured the dark isn't for everybody.
- Suggestion: I couldn't say I blamed her, though. I figure the dark isn't for everybody.
- Suggestion: I couldn't say I blamed her. The dark's not for everybody, I suppose.
[16] the proper way to do ellipses is to put a space between each period, but i don't think an ellipsis is all that necessary here in the first place
[17] you forgot to close this quotation
[18] "she" is not capitalized here—if you're gonna add "he said" or "she said" to a piece of dialogue, never capitalize it, even if the dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point (basically treat it as though it were a comma)
[19] NEVER use apostrophes for quotation marks, unless you want to put a quote within a quote
[20] to avoid using "unbelievable" twice, i rephrased this
[21] weirdly, you begun this with an apostrophe, but closed it with a quotation mark
[22] "she lied" implies omniscience on Schuyler's part; my edit makes it more of a personal interpretation, which may be better
[23] definitely use an em dash here instead of an ellipsis—an ellipsis leaves too long of a pause for an interruption, but a dash implies that she's actually getting interjected or cut off mid-sentence
[24] i think "can't comprehend" sounds a bit clunky, but "cannot comprehend" has a nice little cadence to it that rolls of the tongue
[25] "illicit" means illegal or unlawful; as in, an illicit substance—the word you meant to use was "elicit"
[26] you mixed up the words here—"we can't it give any" should be "we can't give it any"
[27] you could rephrase this:
Old: "Why can we only break the vessel, though?"
Suggestion: "Why is it that only we can break the vessel, though?"
this makes it so that the "we" is emphasized without actually needing to italicize the word
[28] maybe write it like this instead: Here we go, I thought to myself.
[29] a comma should go after "added"
[30] a comma should go here as well
[31] you already used the word "that" in this sentence, so omit the "it"
[32] turn this comma into a colon
[33] comma after "amnestics"
[34] "propaganda-infested" is a compound adjective, so there should be a hyphen there
[35] comma splice
[36] book titles should be italicized
[37] we can see for ourselves that she twisted the metaphor; it doesn't need to be pointed out again
[38] woah there's a random square here for some reason
[39] it's probably not necessary to specify "local" in this context
[40] instead of "a degenerate kid," say "some degenerate kid"—it sounds a lot more biting and dismissive

that's all i got

7233
The Flood / Re: Jive... did you see Get out?
« on: July 10, 2017, 12:35:44 AM »
*whose

7234
What did you think I was saying?
i can never tell

7235
The Flood / Re: critique my story please
« on: July 09, 2017, 10:38:58 PM »
yes they sound different

though that's the sort of question you want to ask after the fact
what do you mean? after what?

thanks for reading the piece btw
in my opinion, it's better to ask questions later, after your subject has already read your piece

that way, it's a completely natural read, and i'm not specifically looking for things

it's just to minimize bias—like, if i'm concerned that i have a character who swears too often, i'm not gonna ask you "does this character swear too often?" because then you're gonna be homing in on that specific thing, rather than allowing the rest of the piece a chance to perhaps justify the level of profanity (or not)

it wasn't a huge problem here, because i think you distinctified the characters' personalities well enough to where i don't feel like i'm being biased by saying yeah, they sound like two different people

that being said, your grammar needs a bit of work, too, but i'm sure you're already aware of that

7236
Gaming / Re: Save your game
« on: July 09, 2017, 10:21:02 PM »
i save all the time

games that autosave but don't give you the option to save manually sketch me the fuck out

7237
The Flood / Re: critique my story please
« on: July 09, 2017, 10:19:02 PM »
yes they sound different

though that's the sort of question you want to ask after the fact

7238
The Flood / Re: critique my story please
« on: July 09, 2017, 10:08:46 PM »
things that aren't in block style format are frustrating to read on this site

7239
no, you're just garbage
what if i'm the best halo player in the world

what then

is it impossible for someone to be good at the game, but still hate it

7241
Gaming / Re: Pokémon Central
« on: July 09, 2017, 06:54:48 PM »
Nah, but I didn't have a super strong attachment to GSC

Now ORAS, I despise that with almost every fibre of my being
care to elaborate? i thought they were all right

7242
Melee is a weird example because the game was never intended to be played competitively in the first place—it just turns out that it makes a really excellent competitive game, especially considering the fact that it wasn't meant to be.

That game is grossly imbalanced—the viability between characters like Fox and Bowser is disgusting, but I give it a pass for never trying to be competitive in the first place.

When a game like Halo tries to be a competitive and fails, that's when you start having problems.

7243
Gaming / Re: Pokémon Central
« on: July 09, 2017, 06:43:43 PM »
did anyone else despise HG/SS

7244
Doesn't the same hold true for any game though? I don't care much about fighting games, but I think it's pretty well accepted that some characters just have higher potential and are harder to master than others.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're deliberately designed that way. Ryu in Street Fighter is designed to be basic and easy to learn, but mastery requires a lot of training—as with any other character in the game.

It's true that some characters are harder to master than others, but that's not deliberate—competitive games aren't supposed to be easy like that. It may be impossible to make a perfectly balanced roster of characters, but you can still try. If you could master a character in a day, because he has a low skill ceiling, that's not very good design. These kinds of games are meant to be much more intense and challenging than that.

Challenger is trying to tell me that the fact that there are weapons in Halo that are easier to master than others is just a function of arena shooters, and they're not meant to be well-designed. Of course I'm gonna take issue with that.
Quote
How high a skill gap/cap is can also be kind of subjective. Think Quake for example. What takes the most skill or is the hardest to master: rail gun, grenade launcher or lightning gun?

[snip]

It's pretty impossible to pick out one that is harder or easier than the others.

(edit: nvm, seems like you already got that from your other post)
Yeah. And while I don't disagree that balance is a difficult thing to quantify for most games, I think Halo (as a whole) is a very blatant example of an unbalanced mess of a series, and I've played my fair share of Halo games with my friends to know that there is no balance whatsoever—especially Halo 2 (despite having the most fun with it).

Challenger himself admitted earlier that Needlers are low-skill weapons that are easy to use and master. In Halo 2, the needler was notoriously OP, especially because you could dual-wield them.

Halo 1 had the stupid pistol.

And if Halo 3 were balanced at all, challenger wouldn't be so keen on banning all weapons except for the BR. That's all I'm saying, and I really don't think it's that unreasonable. To say that the BR puts both players on a level playing field would be tacitly admitting that other weapons would throw that balance off, hence the game is unbalanced. And therefore bad.

7245
I have. You just said all arena shooters are trash.

Ok, you don't like arena shooters. Cool. I don't care.
find an arena shooter that actually attempts to balance its weapons and doesn't have weapons with low skill gaps, and you've found yourself an arena shooter that isn't fucking garbage

i have reason to believe that quake is one of them

7246
i still haven't done it

7247
The Flood / Re: Report July 2K17
« on: July 09, 2017, 05:00:12 PM »
When is Verbo gonna watch "Tokyo Godfathers"?
i saw it
Damn, so you thought it was shit?
pretty much yeah, sorry

7248
The Flood / Re: Report July 2K17
« on: July 09, 2017, 04:59:18 PM »
When is Verbo gonna watch "Tokyo Godfathers"?
i saw it

7249
otherwise arena shooters are ALL bad
Arena shooters are both objectively and literally the best kind of game though.
not if they're deliberately imbalanced and designed so that some weapons have lower skill gaps than others

7250
The Flood / Re: Report July 2K17
« on: July 09, 2017, 04:48:40 PM »
Is my avatar ok?
absolutely not

especially when salazzle is one of my new favorites from gen 7
Salazzle is one of my new favorites too, its not my fault furries ruined her.

Does this mean I'm on the list now?
i'm afraid so

if the vaguely sexual pose isn't sexual enough for you, it appears to have been illustrated by taconoobgamer, who is indeed a bona fide furry
Only a furry would know the artist.
or someone with basic knowledge of how to use google

7251
Mine matter cause I'm not dumb.
then you would be able to defend them

Quote
It's like I just told you nobody cares about emotionally charged shitty opinions. You done crying now?
here we go again

None of my opinions are emotionally charged. None of them.

If anything, every single one of yours is.

7252
Halo is a an excellent game.
nobody cares about your shitty opinions

Quote
as much skill*
every weapon needs to require as much skill to master as the other

Quote
That's not how arena shooters work.
it's how they should work

otherwise arena shooters are ALL bad

7253
If I'm stupid then why are you active out if I'm predictably saying stupid shit?
i see stupid shit and i just flip out, i can't help it, it's involuntary

not my fault, it's your fault

maybe say something smart, like "halo kinda sucks"

Quote
That's not how old school arena type shooters are at all. That's why I'm saying you're ignorant and you have no idea how shooters work.
i don't care how they work

this is how they SHOULD work

Quote
The weapons sandbox has balance by having weaker and stronger weapons. That's how shooters like Halo function. This is basic shit.
basic shit which for some reason you assume i don't already know

where did i say anything about not wanting to have weaker or stronger weapons

you said several times that certain weapons don't take skill to use, like the needler

i'm saying that they should, and you're a fucking retard if you disagree

7254
so you admit you're acting out fucking lol 👌👌👌
which is a completely appropriate thing to do when stupid people start saying stupid shit

Quote
No you aren't. You barely know how to play the game, much less discuss it. The majority of your posts have been calling Halo "shitty" and "boring". Those are called opinions. Nobody cares.
the majority of my posts have been substantiating why i think halo is shitty and boring, actually, and you haven't been able to respond to any of the points

in order to be a good game, every single weapon must take as much skill as the battle rifle does to master, to a point where you would never want to play a game with battle rifles only

the fact that you'd ever want to play a game with BRs only pretty much proves by itself that it's a bad and boring game, because you're actually removing tools from the game to make it more competitive

7255
lmao if you're this much a freak irl you need serious help dude
except there's literally nothing freaky about what i'm doing

i'll get help and then i'll act out even more
Quote
nobody cares about your shitty opinions
stupid people tend to not care about expert opinions, yeah

either way, i'm still better at defending them than you are

7256
You know damn well you wouldn't speak to me or anybody else like that face to face
i mean, if you said some stupid shit like you're doing now, i might
Quote
Halo is balanced, get the fuck over it.
nope

unbalanced, shitty, and boring

7257
"this game is bad because I say it is"

Woah another intelligent post from ya boy verbatim
The game is bad because I gave my reasons and you don't have a response to them.

7258
ok deci
have you read your posts in this thread

you're the deci here
Quote
You only make yourself look dumb by cutting out the rest of my post where I explain that both our personal opinions on which weapon is fun doesn't really matter when it comes to game mechanics and balance.
my opinion is based on the fact that the game has shit mechanics and shit balance

because it has shit mechanics and shit balance
Quote
You're an idiot, basically.
then why am i destroying you

7259
That's your opinion that Covenant weapons are interesting and UNSC weapons aren't.
and it's your stupid shitty incorrect faggoty opinion that they ARE fun

they're not

why should i care about what your opinion is
Quote
millions of people agree with me.
this hurts you more than it helps you

7260
They're all fun to use and they're all viable. I don't understand what it is you're whining about. The plasma pistol is actually insanely good lmao.
because by your own admission, not everything takes skill to use, you fucking lost little boy

and no, they're not all fun to use

the covenant weapons tend to be the most fun because they're actually fantastical and there's a little bit of imagination going on, and the UNFC weapons are boring garbage because they're based on real shit and don't do anything interesting, making them less fun by default

Pages: 1 ... 240241242 243244 ... 1601