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The Flood / Say something intelligent
« on: July 10, 2017, 03:27:50 PM »
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This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to. 7232
The Flood / Re: critique my story please« on: July 10, 2017, 01:11:49 PM »i converted this to block style format just to make it easier for me you can take my suggestions or leave them, but i tried my best to help out with the more technical aspects of the story, while still maintaining the style (which is the challenging part for me) and of course the content is entirely unchanged underlined words are my own added in as suggestions; instead of deleting words, i struck them out so you can see what i changed i got a little lazy towards the end [1] comma splice [2] you could omit these two words and have it flow better, i think [3] awkward sentence—is the word "when" missing here, between "Francis Square" and "saw"? if so, you don't need the comma [4] to eke out a more uncertain atmosphere, i recommend using the less-committal "appeared to be" over "was" [5] i recommend using em dashes (—) rather than hyphens—microsoft word makes them automatically if you type two hyphens, or you can use alt+0151 [6] some personal embellishments: - Old: That old maniac was scared out of his mind. The trip up there was easy enough. - Suggestion: That old maniac was scared out of his mind, but at least the trip up there was easy enough. - Suggestion: That old maniac was scared out of his mind. At least the trip up there was easy enough. [7] extra space after the period—it's actually not grammatically incorrect to place two spaces after a period, but you have to be consistent about it [8] you could say "nobody" instead of "no one" here, if you want to establish a more informal narrative voice [9] i'm not a fan of using the same adjective twice in one sentence if you can avoid it - Old: No one lingered out of their homes this late, and it was still far too early for any early risers. - Suggestion: Nobody lingered out of their homes this late, and it was still far too soon for any early risers. - Suggestion: Nobody lingered out of their homes this late, and it was still far too early for anyone else to be up. [10] i think you should establish that Schuyler isn't alone and has a partner a little bit earlier—she kinda comes out of nowhere [11] i personally like "towards" better than just "toward," but it doesn't really matter [12] this is a good metaphor, but "begged for me to look away" is more grammatical [13] what did you mean by this? did you mean haunted? that would make more sense in the context of having a "hypothesis" [14] comma after "fear," omit the second "there" [15] comma splice - Old: I couldn't say I blamed her, I figured the dark isn't for everybody. - Suggestion: I couldn't say I blamed her, though. I figure the dark isn't for everybody. - Suggestion: I couldn't say I blamed her. The dark's not for everybody, I suppose. [16] the proper way to do ellipses is to put a space between each period, but i don't think an ellipsis is all that necessary here in the first place [17] you forgot to close this quotation [18] "she" is not capitalized here—if you're gonna add "he said" or "she said" to a piece of dialogue, never capitalize it, even if the dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point (basically treat it as though it were a comma) [19] NEVER use apostrophes for quotation marks, unless you want to put a quote within a quote [20] to avoid using "unbelievable" twice, i rephrased this [21] weirdly, you begun this with an apostrophe, but closed it with a quotation mark [22] "she lied" implies omniscience on Schuyler's part; my edit makes it more of a personal interpretation, which may be better [23] definitely use an em dash here instead of an ellipsis—an ellipsis leaves too long of a pause for an interruption, but a dash implies that she's actually getting interjected or cut off mid-sentence [24] i think "can't comprehend" sounds a bit clunky, but "cannot comprehend" has a nice little cadence to it that rolls of the tongue [25] "illicit" means illegal or unlawful; as in, an illicit substance—the word you meant to use was "elicit" [26] you mixed up the words here—"we can't it give any" should be "we can't give it any" [27] you could rephrase this: Old: "Why can we only break the vessel, though?" Suggestion: "Why is it that only we can break the vessel, though?" this makes it so that the "we" is emphasized without actually needing to italicize the word [28] maybe write it like this instead: Here we go, I thought to myself. [29] a comma should go after "added" [30] a comma should go here as well [31] you already used the word "that" in this sentence, so omit the "it" [32] turn this comma into a colon [33] comma after "amnestics" [34] "propaganda-infested" is a compound adjective, so there should be a hyphen there [35] comma splice [36] book titles should be italicized [37] we can see for ourselves that she twisted the metaphor; it doesn't need to be pointed out again [38] woah there's a random square here for some reason [39] it's probably not necessary to specify "local" in this context [40] instead of "a degenerate kid," say "some degenerate kid"—it sounds a lot more biting and dismissive that's all i got 7234
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 11:59:54 PM »What did you think I was saying?i can never tell 7235
The Flood / Re: critique my story please« on: July 09, 2017, 10:38:58 PM »in my opinion, it's better to ask questions later, after your subject has already read your pieceyes they sound differentwhat do you mean? after what? that way, it's a completely natural read, and i'm not specifically looking for things it's just to minimize bias—like, if i'm concerned that i have a character who swears too often, i'm not gonna ask you "does this character swear too often?" because then you're gonna be homing in on that specific thing, rather than allowing the rest of the piece a chance to perhaps justify the level of profanity (or not) it wasn't a huge problem here, because i think you distinctified the characters' personalities well enough to where i don't feel like i'm being biased by saying yeah, they sound like two different people that being said, your grammar needs a bit of work, too, but i'm sure you're already aware of that 7236
Gaming / Re: Save your game« on: July 09, 2017, 10:21:02 PM »
i save all the time
games that autosave but don't give you the option to save manually sketch me the fuck out 7237
The Flood / Re: critique my story please« on: July 09, 2017, 10:19:02 PM »
yes they sound different
though that's the sort of question you want to ask after the fact 7238
The Flood / Re: critique my story please« on: July 09, 2017, 10:08:46 PM »
things that aren't in block style format are frustrating to read on this site
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Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 07:38:45 PM »no, you're just garbagewhat if i'm the best halo player in the world what then is it impossible for someone to be good at the game, but still hate it 7240
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 07:33:29 PM »extremely funny threadHalo is garbage 7241
Gaming / Re: Pokémon Central« on: July 09, 2017, 06:54:48 PM »Nah, but I didn't have a super strong attachment to GSCcare to elaborate? i thought they were all right 7242
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 06:52:24 PM »
Melee is a weird example because the game was never intended to be played competitively in the first place—it just turns out that it makes a really excellent competitive game, especially considering the fact that it wasn't meant to be.
That game is grossly imbalanced—the viability between characters like Fox and Bowser is disgusting, but I give it a pass for never trying to be competitive in the first place. When a game like Halo tries to be a competitive and fails, that's when you start having problems. 7244
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 06:40:33 PM »Doesn't the same hold true for any game though? I don't care much about fighting games, but I think it's pretty well accepted that some characters just have higher potential and are harder to master than others.Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're deliberately designed that way. Ryu in Street Fighter is designed to be basic and easy to learn, but mastery requires a lot of training—as with any other character in the game. It's true that some characters are harder to master than others, but that's not deliberate—competitive games aren't supposed to be easy like that. It may be impossible to make a perfectly balanced roster of characters, but you can still try. If you could master a character in a day, because he has a low skill ceiling, that's not very good design. These kinds of games are meant to be much more intense and challenging than that. Challenger is trying to tell me that the fact that there are weapons in Halo that are easier to master than others is just a function of arena shooters, and they're not meant to be well-designed. Of course I'm gonna take issue with that. Quote How high a skill gap/cap is can also be kind of subjective. Think Quake for example. What takes the most skill or is the hardest to master: rail gun, grenade launcher or lightning gun?Yeah. And while I don't disagree that balance is a difficult thing to quantify for most games, I think Halo (as a whole) is a very blatant example of an unbalanced mess of a series, and I've played my fair share of Halo games with my friends to know that there is no balance whatsoever—especially Halo 2 (despite having the most fun with it). Challenger himself admitted earlier that Needlers are low-skill weapons that are easy to use and master. In Halo 2, the needler was notoriously OP, especially because you could dual-wield them. Halo 1 had the stupid pistol. And if Halo 3 were balanced at all, challenger wouldn't be so keen on banning all weapons except for the BR. That's all I'm saying, and I really don't think it's that unreasonable. To say that the BR puts both players on a level playing field would be tacitly admitting that other weapons would throw that balance off, hence the game is unbalanced. And therefore bad. 7245
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 05:52:21 PM »I have. You just said all arena shooters are trash.find an arena shooter that actually attempts to balance its weapons and doesn't have weapons with low skill gaps, and you've found yourself an arena shooter that isn't fucking garbage i have reason to believe that quake is one of them 7246
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 05:35:20 PM »
i still haven't done it
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The Flood / Re: Report July 2K17« on: July 09, 2017, 05:00:12 PM »pretty much yeah, sorryDamn, so you thought it was shit?When is Verbo gonna watch "Tokyo Godfathers"?i saw it 7248
The Flood / Re: Report July 2K17« on: July 09, 2017, 04:59:18 PM »When is Verbo gonna watch "Tokyo Godfathers"?i saw it 7249
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 04:57:13 PM »not if they're deliberately imbalanced and designed so that some weapons have lower skill gaps than othersotherwise arena shooters are ALL badArena shooters are both objectively and literally the best kind of game though. 7250
The Flood / Re: Report July 2K17« on: July 09, 2017, 04:48:40 PM »or someone with basic knowledge of how to use googleOnly a furry would know the artist.i'm afraid soSalazzle is one of my new favorites too, its not my fault furries ruined her.Is my avatar ok?absolutely not 7251
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 04:47:44 PM »Mine matter cause I'm not dumb.then you would be able to defend them Quote It's like I just told you nobody cares about emotionally charged shitty opinions. You done crying now?here we go again None of my opinions are emotionally charged. None of them. If anything, every single one of yours is. 7252
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 04:31:57 PM »Halo is a an excellent game.nobody cares about your shitty opinions Quote as much skill*every weapon needs to require as much skill to master as the other Quote That's not how arena shooters work.it's how they should work otherwise arena shooters are ALL bad 7253
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 03:48:48 PM »If I'm stupid then why are you active out if I'm predictably saying stupid shit?i see stupid shit and i just flip out, i can't help it, it's involuntary not my fault, it's your fault maybe say something smart, like "halo kinda sucks" Quote That's not how old school arena type shooters are at all. That's why I'm saying you're ignorant and you have no idea how shooters work.i don't care how they work this is how they SHOULD work Quote The weapons sandbox has balance by having weaker and stronger weapons. That's how shooters like Halo function. This is basic shit.basic shit which for some reason you assume i don't already know where did i say anything about not wanting to have weaker or stronger weapons you said several times that certain weapons don't take skill to use, like the needler i'm saying that they should, and you're a fucking retard if you disagree 7254
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 03:39:36 PM »so you admit you're acting out fucking lol 👌👌👌which is a completely appropriate thing to do when stupid people start saying stupid shit Quote No you aren't. You barely know how to play the game, much less discuss it. The majority of your posts have been calling Halo "shitty" and "boring". Those are called opinions. Nobody cares.the majority of my posts have been substantiating why i think halo is shitty and boring, actually, and you haven't been able to respond to any of the points in order to be a good game, every single weapon must take as much skill as the battle rifle does to master, to a point where you would never want to play a game with battle rifles only the fact that you'd ever want to play a game with BRs only pretty much proves by itself that it's a bad and boring game, because you're actually removing tools from the game to make it more competitive 7255
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 03:33:55 PM »lmao if you're this much a freak irl you need serious help dudeexcept there's literally nothing freaky about what i'm doing i'll get help and then i'll act out even more Quote nobody cares about your shitty opinionsstupid people tend to not care about expert opinions, yeah either way, i'm still better at defending them than you are 7256
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 03:29:13 PM »You know damn well you wouldn't speak to me or anybody else like that face to facei mean, if you said some stupid shit like you're doing now, i might Quote Halo is balanced, get the fuck over it.nope unbalanced, shitty, and boring 7257
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 03:22:14 PM »"this game is bad because I say it is"The game is bad because I gave my reasons and you don't have a response to them. 7258
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 01:20:22 PM »ok decihave you read your posts in this thread you're the deci here Quote You only make yourself look dumb by cutting out the rest of my post where I explain that both our personal opinions on which weapon is fun doesn't really matter when it comes to game mechanics and balance.my opinion is based on the fact that the game has shit mechanics and shit balance because it has shit mechanics and shit balance Quote You're an idiot, basically.then why am i destroying you 7259
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 12:54:15 PM »That's your opinion that Covenant weapons are interesting and UNSC weapons aren't.and it's your stupid shitty incorrect faggoty opinion that they ARE fun they're not why should i care about what your opinion is Quote millions of people agree with me.this hurts you more than it helps you 7260
Gaming / Re: So Halo 3 is coming out on Xbone, and you guys want me to 1v1 Chally agian...« on: July 09, 2017, 12:35:16 PM »They're all fun to use and they're all viable. I don't understand what it is you're whining about. The plasma pistol is actually insanely good lmao.because by your own admission, not everything takes skill to use, you fucking lost little boy and no, they're not all fun to use the covenant weapons tend to be the most fun because they're actually fantastical and there's a little bit of imagination going on, and the UNFC weapons are boring garbage because they're based on real shit and don't do anything interesting, making them less fun by default |