BE IT BREAKFAST, BRUNCH OR BED AND BE YOU A BAREFOOT BURGLAR, BRITISH BANKER OR BEDFAST BOOKMAKER A BASIC BESTIAL BLESSING IS THE BURGER! A BILLION BURGER BANQUET BEQUETH UPON ME FROM A BURGER BASTION OF BEDLAM BARELY BEGINS TO BOIL MY BULKY BURGER BURDEN. YET I MUST BARE BULBOUS BEGGERS BESEECHING BURGERS TO BUILD UPON THEIR BIG BAGGAGE WHILE BREEDING BARBARICALLY. BUT BEFORE THE BURGER BANQUET A BETTER BEGINNING IS OBLIGED. YOU MAY CALL ME BURGER KING.


I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. 
With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass.

The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy. 
I found tonight that it is more successful to progressively hum it louder as you perform the ritual.

>17
>just broke up w/ gf cuz i dont like the poon
>figure i must be gay or something
>meet qt emo guy on vampirefreaks
>dude's into me holy crap
>dude's into weird stuff, cool
>dude's... trans. uh
>turns out dude has a vag
>tells me he would never have me touch it
>chat with him for a year
>he pays for a bus ticket for me to travel halfway across the country to see him
>do it
>he has me wearing collars, leading me around everywhere on a chain, handcuffing me to the bed
>it’s cool
>tells me he's a vampire
>iron deficiency or some thing
>dude sucks on raw meat sometimes
>dude says one time he almost killed a cat once the craving was so bad
>im mallgoth and think that's hot so whatever
>takes an Xacto blade to my shoulder
>cuts out a little x and starts sucking
>still have scars
>at his friend's house
>slumber party for b-day, cool
>he starts FREAKING OUT
>snarling, snapping, etc
>like a Dawn of the Dead remake zombie
>suddenly i get it
>he needs blood
>carry him out a few blocks away
>hold him close to me
>let him bite into my jugular
>hurts like hell
>no blood
>he eventually comes out of it
>says i'm stupid for letting him do that
>apologizes
>whatever
>go home
>favorite some upskirt pic of a crossdressed Sasuke on deviantArt my friend drew
>dude throws a fit
>says I'm to cease all contact with the artist
>wtf
>break up with him
>now he's "genderqueer" and it turns out he was just a yaoi fangirl looking to live out the fantasy

>Work in food court.
>Sell pizzas for people looking for a snack while they're shopping.
>Pretty chill at first, then I notice some things.
>I forget I live in a 'Good neighborhood' despite being black.
>Boring area, so people eat...a LOT.
>I can always tell how much someone is going to order by how much they waddle on their way to the counter.
>See landwhale soccer mom and her three brats happy feet-ing along over.
>Man battle stations!
>"Hello, what can I get for you today?" I say in my most polite 'please tell me you're just getting a soda' voice.
>Lady orders everything on the menu except for pizza.
>This wouldn't normally be a problem, but everything else we keep in the freezer and only heat it up when ordered.
>"I'd like chicken tenders, an artichoke flatbread sandwich, 3 kids meal hot dogs, and 7 churros to go."
>I don't even know what half of that is. But I deal.
>"Would you like anything else?"
>"Yes, actually, could you give us three bags of popcorn?"
>I turn around to the popcorn machine, which has a lovely 'Out of Order' sign on it.
>"I'm sorry, I can't serve popcorn right now. Machine's busted."
>Kids start wailing, and the mom gets upset.
>"But they want popcorn!"
>"I'm sorry, I can't do anything about that right now. Would they like something else?"
>"No, they want popcorn."
>omfg
>"I understand, but the machine's still broken."
>"Can't you fix it?"
>mfw I'm getting paid 8.75 an hour 
>"I'll be honest; if I could fix it, I probably wouldn't be standing here right now."
>Kids scream louder, I'm starting to get homicidal.
>She finally calms them down and turns back to me.
>"Would you like anything else?"
>"Yes, I haven't even started on what I'm getting yet."
>InternalScreaming.png
>Overall, she ordered over 50 dollars worth of food, and then complained that I seemed impatient during the purchase.

I was tempted to tell someone to turn off the escalator we have in the store so she could walk to the second floor, burn off some damn calories.

Do you fine folks have any good stories about fatties to share?

Hello, how is your day/night today/night?

Me? I've been reading about Christian Weston Chandler. What a disgusting human being, a disgrace to our kind. You should know that no matter how shitty life gets, you will never, ever be as bad as that guy.

I'm looking to persuade a girl/guy (Must be effeminate) to help me with one of my sexual fantasies. I want to lie down naked and act like a 1 year old. I want the girl/guy to be dressed like a babysitter. She/he has to babysit me and acts in a nurturing way, as if I were one. I want her/him to cuddle and tickle me and I will respond by giggling like a baby. I want her/him to let me play with her/his tits and suck on them and also to jerk me off, but I want her/him to do it in a way that controls the situation, for example the first few times I reach for her/his tits she/he should slap my hand away and give a firm "no", but eventually I will start to cry and she/he will let me. I will also struggle a little bit when she/he jerks me off but she/he will be forceful and "hold me down".

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Don't say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say anything else - word one - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.

Well, for me, I was with one of my best friends. We were playing some xbox together. His parents were at a wedding or something, and they wouldn't be back until late in the next day, so, I suppose that kind of helped.

He was open to me about his sexuality for a long time, but I was the guy who was quite insecure about his sexuality, and blocked out any desire for the same sex. After playing games for a while, we sat on his bed and started talking about shit. The both of us eventually stopped talking, and our eyes locked together. You know what it was like, being horny teens. We started to near each other, and my heart was racing. I didn't know what on the flying fuck I was doing. It was like I was in a trance. He's a really, really cute guy, and his eyes are hypnotic to stare at.

We were kissing. At first, I didn't realize it. Then it hit me, I was kissing a guy. One of my best friends. We did this for a while, and it seemed like forever. I wanted it to go on forever. The kissing eventually turned into sex. He had clearly done this before. I fucked him for pretty much an entire hour. It went well, for my first time. Guys know more about each other.

I was too exhausted to go on fucking him. We then spent 3 hours cuddling, kissing and sucking each others dicks. It was messy. At the end, we showered together. The whole experience was very intense.

Since his parents wouldn't be home until the next day, I slept in his bed with him. My parents weren't worried, I slept on friends couches all the time.

I helped him change his bed covers the next morning, haha. Haven't done anything else with him, and there wasn't even a mention of what happened afterwards. It was kind of an understanding, a best friend thing.

I'm interested in hearing other peoples stories of what happened on their first time.

I'm amazed at the sheer speed the internals of our body work.

Let's say you want to move your arm. Your brain sends a signal to a neuron, the signal travels the length of the neuron, which can be up to a meter long, via electro-chemical signaling process whereby ions (such as chlorine, sodium, potassium, and calcium) are moved into/out of the cell. The neuron comes to a synaptic gap where it ends and another neuron, or muscle cell, begins. Again, electro-chemical signaling processes result in the release and uptake of various ions and neurotransmitters in the synaptic gap which in turn cause the release and uptake of ions in the muscle cell.

The muscle cell reaches it's action potential and releases calcium from the sarcoplasmic reticulum, the calcium binds to troponin, which causes a conformational change in the tropomyosin, which exposes the myosin binding sites on the actin. The myosin heads can now metabolize the ATP to undergo myosin-actin cross-bridging, literally pulling themselves along the actin, which contracts the muscle cell. Repeat this thousands and thousands of times for a single muscle.

Then, when it's done contracting, the myosin releases the actin, the ADP gets recycled into ATP, the calcium is released from the troponin, the tropomyosin goes back to it's previous position, the calcium is reabsorbed by the sarcoplasmic reticulum, the sodium, potassium, chlorine, and calcium levels in the cell and interstitial space return to normal via many ion channels (regulated by voltage, other ions, neurotransmitters, hormones, etc...) and the muscle is ready to contract again.

All of this is done in a fraction of a second.

Here is a neat little animation of a myosin head interacting with an actin thread...and yes, it really does look just like that:



Red thing is the myosin head, green sphere is the ATP, the little part that jettisons off is the Phosphate, so it's ADP that's left, the pink and blue thing is the tropomyosin complex, the yellow dot is calcium, and the orange is the actin.

>go to mcdonalds
>go up to the counter and order a shit load of food (fucking hungry)
>girl behind the counter 9/10
>joking flirt with her saying how shes too pretty to work here
>shesbuyingit.jpg
>have to go sit down, holding up the line
>she comes over to clean my table and we continue talking
>"You're funny"
>asks me what im doing later
>cant think of what to say heart beating hard so just say nothing
>asks me if i'd like to hang out with her after she gets off work
>i come back later to meet her
>we go to her house (she needed to change, still in her mc donalds uniform)
>see triple monitor setup
>allofmywuts
>ask if she plays pc games
>she proceeds to tell me about her favorite games
>spaghetti slowly dripping out of my pockets
>ask me if i'd rather play games with her instead of going out
>we proceed to play games all night before i notice its 3am
>say ive got to go home its late
>as im leaving she stops me and asks if I want to stay the night
>heart pounding harder than last time
>I stutter "w-w-w-here would I sleep"
>says her bed
>ohfuck.jpg
>dick nearly bulging through my jeans
>we proceed to cuddle then i make my move
>all goes well
>we fuck for 40 minutes
>best sex of my life
>we cuddle again and go to sleep
>as I lay there she whispers into my ear "you have such a great dick"
>I reply "you too"

what if one day you woke up and your nipples were completely gone
like no scars or anything, just flat skin
and then once you leave your room you find out your dad died last night
and then several days later, you find out that for your entire life your dad had been sneaking into your room while you slept
and sucking on your chest to make two gigantic hickeys where your nipples should be
because you were born without them
not for any sexual reason, just so you would fit in

forgive english, i am Russia.

i come to study Mechanical Engineering at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American video game and then we are kiss.

We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.

I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.

I've met some pretty interesting folks online during my time on the internet, but this one guy I know takes the cake. He's a 40-something South Korean dude. Very wise. The guy does all kinds of psychedelic drugs, and has a very bizarre sense of humor. He also has the libido of 10000 men. I don't see him much, anymore, but god damn he was hilarious to play games with.

Share your stories.

>traveling across US
>invited by two friends in NY to have dinner in restaurant
>waiter comes to the table
>"What can I get for you gentlemen this evening?"
>I order a vegetable platter and a small bowl of olive oil
>first friend orders cheese burger with freedom fries, and a 12oz liberty steak with extra mashed potatoes
>second friend orders full rack of independence ribs, pulled pork sammie, macaroni and cheese, and deep fried patriot pickles
>15 min later waiter returns with their food
>friend asks me if I want to try a fry, say sure, grab one and gently pour ketchup onto it
>he looks at me in confusion and asks me what I'm doing
>starts pounding bottle of ketchup into a separate bowl he requested
>empties another one into the bowl
>asks the waiter for a third bottle and empties it into the bowl
>grabs a handfull of fries, oil dripping down his arm as he squeezes them
>making airplane noises BRRRRRRM, WOOOOOOOO, VOOOOOSH
>dunks them into the bowl of ketchup, entire fist is stained red
>has to forcefully shove them into his mouth as to make sure none of them drop
>tells me "that's how ain't no faggot eats sum fries"
>other friend says "praise jesus" and starts clapping
>soon the entire restaurant is clapping
>waiter comes back with the food I ordered
>soggy, dripping pizza margherita and a small bowl of olive oil
>"I ordered a vegetable platter, not a pizza... that's not what I wanted..."
>"Oh, I'm sorry. How about a fruit salad?" he said while holding up a cherry flavored lollipop
>first friend is laughing while disgusting chunks of french fry evacuate from his mouth
>man in 10 gallon hat walks up to our table and starts shooting revolvers into the ceiling of the restaurant screaming "YEEE HAW" repeatedly
>eagle bursts through the ceiling and takes my oil

Post your experiences in the land of the fat.