Or we could take the easy way out and get the combine to set up one of their sterility fields.

Science bitch.

The hell is a referral?

>this forum
>people that workout
You gotta pick one.

Does hauling around soggy fucking firewood all day count?

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 19, 2014, 06:25:49 PM

So. Uh. How about that weather?

le Lenny faec

It's k. It's cold for you right?

On the verge of snow. It's been trying to snow for a week now. It comes down as frozen rain or cold mist and then melts.

I don't remember. I'm a shitty person to shop for too since I don't ask for much.

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

Wait a minute you mean I've made more than one thread in a single day?

Sandtrap, it sounds like you need the Flood in your life IRL.

Why must we all live so far away?

I'd be a lying sack of old sacks if I said I was all fine and dandy. But at least I'm trying. The fact that I am still here, the fact that I'm not shutting everything out and remain to talk on these forums is a testament that some part of me isn't falling apart and can think rationally.

Through conversing here, through writing, at the very least, I can keep taking a step at a time. Maybe everything will turn into a shithole around me. Our debts will climb high, and overcome what we can pay. Our house and place of work may be seized, and things will crumble as the winter rolls in.

But maybe they wont. Maybe I can slow it, maybe I can stop it. So I have to try. So as long as there are people here that will listen to what I write, no matter what it is, I am not as alone as I may sound.

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 19, 2014, 01:51:24 PM

You know who often makes the best companions to hang around with? People who are opposites. If you're buds, the jokes and fun you can have is nearly limitless.

Yeah but there's "two people hanging out who are opposites" and then there's "Verbatim  hanging out with a normal human being."

I'm far from normal compatriot. I'm an outsider wherever I go. Always have been, always will be. We are opposites in the sense that our outlooks on the world are complete polar opposites. Besides, "normal" is all relative. Verb's a person too, and if there's one of him, out there in the world there will be another, similar person. Law of nature. If it's happened once, it can, and will happen again.

You know who often makes the best companions to hang around with? People who are opposites. If you're buds, the jokes and fun you can have is nearly limitless.

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 19, 2014, 12:25:37 PM

Quote from: DigitalIZesty on September 19, 2014, 12:21:40 PM

I've experienced your feelings a lot, and it's only in retrospect that I can post this.

At least I know I'll laugh at the fucking bankers when they come to seize my fucking house and job because I was expecting them.

Seek help

There is none. But I have one last trump card to play if things are about to tumble.

I think your focusing on yourself too much here. I know I'm going to sound like a dick but it's just something that I've learned personally and I feel I should share it.

I think that in all these years of you being to yourself, you've neglected to realize that life still goes on whether or not yours is ending. Of course they have changed in the time they were gone. :/ they've been living their own life and growing.
Also it's probably not that they didnt have the guys to tell you to fuck off them self. They might not have been there to grab the phone and their father was tired of you calling? Try to see things from other people's perspective and things make more sense.
I remember a girl that I used to like a lot. I drove a couple hours away multiple times just to hang out at her place and chill. We did quite a few things together and I was one of her few friends who was there for her to just talk and listen during some of her hardest times. I worried about her often and I messaged her daily. But one day she stopped talking to me. For weeks I felt depressed like she cheated me from something great I had. Then I realized I wouldn't let someone have that much control of my happiness like that again. I thought about it and recognized that she does have her own life and can't always be there to talk to me and it was unfair to expect her to. I don't hate her for it anymore. It just happens. There's a point when we all need to move on. As hard as it is, if we take the picture off ourselves for a change, things make more sense and the situation feels less dire than it actually is.

Sorry if I sound like a jerk but it's just a different type of awareness I'm trying to show you.

I was never angry to start with. And I accept what happened. I hold no grudges, and bear no ill mind or intent. But it stings, when I bump into old people I know. I see them change, grow, and evolve into something else, something more. And here I am, just like I was before. Caught in a trap, trying to wake up every day for a reason, a purpose, trying to fight against all this garbage and do the best I can.

And now, as I'm almost completely helpless but to watch as things begin to fall apart and I myself am turning into a wreck that I can't seem to stop or even remotely slow, a great irony walks into my shop, after this long, and asks with a smile, "How are you doing?"

Not what I need for my day. I realize that I made the mistake. And I'm not angry. But this? Why now, of all times? Could it not be any other time, when I was having a good day? When I could smile back and say that I was having a good day, and I could mean those words?

Despite it, I'll try to keep going about my day in the hopes that I can make something of it.

I got sucker punched today folks. Personally, I'm amazed that I didn't just fucking break down then and there. I'm going to tell a story. I'll keep it short, if I can.

A few years back, in the middle of my first depression, I was feeling pretty shitty. And, as usual, I wasn't thinking right. But I went digging through old phone numbers. And I called an old friend of mine up, asked if they could drop by, if they were in the area.

This friend of mine, at one time, was a good friend. The kind of person you'd hang around with every single day. But as we went further along into highschool, we just quietly drifted apart.

So, much to my surprise, my friend actually shows up. I wasn't expecting this. And I messed up. They had other friends with them, and I seized up. Made some excuse, and they want on their way. And that was it for about a month or so.

And then I called them up again. I really, really, just wanted one person to talk to. And I got insitent about. Called a little bit too much. And, one day, I got their father on the phone. And, not in their words mind you, the equivilant of what was said was, "fuck off, they don't want to see you no more."

I'll give you 10 bucks if you could guess what happened after that.

Anywho, so today, I'm going about my business and who should walk into my shop? Yeah, that's who. And they've changed over the years. But I'd know that person anywhere. I remember that awkward smile. And they come up, and ask, "Hey, how's it going?"

After all these years. And after that. After completely destroying me, sending me spiraling down, of all the fucking times there was, it had to be this one.

Thanks life. Appreciate it.

You're just a sack of old sacks.