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Messages - Sandtrap
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10591
« on: September 23, 2014, 11:14:44 AM »
So where did exactly the flood form? Was it the Precursors that made the Flood to attack the forerunners?
I don't know... I wonder if the lore has covered that yet.
I heard that the flood is the precursors.
Yes. Flood is Precursors.
10592
« on: September 23, 2014, 11:12:59 AM »
Praise Cameron the Tech guy!
10593
« on: September 23, 2014, 10:22:24 AM »
I believe that there's other life out there.
But, who can say for sure until we really meet it? The only proof I'll accept is one of two outcomes.
1. There's starships in our skies.
2. Mars rover or the probes they've sent to Saturn's moon Io find bacteria or water based life under the ice
10594
« on: September 23, 2014, 10:16:05 AM »
Didn't contribute to this yet. Here you go OP. The best smile I can currently manage, just for you.
Working on that moonbaby beard I see.
Na. Chopped it off a while back. There used to be a lot more to it than that. Actually about time to lob it off again I think. Damn thing comes back too fast. Although if I wasn't working in a restaurant I might experiment with it. It doesn't beat my Uncle's though. He had a dreadlock beard.
10595
« on: September 23, 2014, 08:32:25 AM »
Wow, Sandtrap.. you have really opened up to this forum.
I need to. If I don't talk and just sit here like a lump I'm going to keep falling faster into my depression here. Nobody ever did anything for me and they won't do it now. So, I have to say something, whatever it is.
10596
« on: September 23, 2014, 01:26:58 AM »
isn't it true that the Lekgolo would not be targeted by the flood due to their unique method of sentience?
That's something I've been wondering. See, as the flood advance, so too do their means of infection. In the early stages, they need a body with sufficient calcium deposits. Lots of bones. But as they spread and evolve faster and faster, eventually they don't bodies because they can create and influence things on their own. Pure forms are a good example. They aren't based off any infected species, they're just a mass of bones and organic material that's clumped together. And eventually, the Flood alter the atmosphere. Filling it with airborne spores that consume and infect hosts who simply breathe any of it in. Lekegolo colonies have no central nervous system, and they have no bones in their bodies. But an individual worm by rights should have it's own nervous system. And that means the Flood could infect it. However, doing so in the early stages of their rapid evolution would be pointless, as they need calcium deposits. But I believe that if the Lekegolo were to engage the Flood in a more advanced state of evolution or on an entirely infected and altered planet, they'd lose. Infection forms could not infect Lekegolo. However, the spores of an altered atmosphere could. And if this was an advanced stage of the flood, they wouldn't need bones anymore. They could use the Lekegolo as pure biomass, or even weaponize the eels themselves to incredible potential, either creating a literal tide and hoard of eels that consume everything in their path like an infection form, or even mobilize the infected into some warped Flood version of a Hunter.
10597
« on: September 23, 2014, 12:50:43 AM »
This story better not have black people in it.
Great read. You need to write a book someday, man.
I could write about the south african doctors in my town. They're fans of our lemon pie.
10598
« on: September 22, 2014, 11:54:44 PM »
I am proud of your sister. You don't see many individuals in this world that are mentally capable to go through the shit she has had to go through.
I don't think I'd be able to survive after going through all of that.
If you see or hear from your sister again, tell her that one of the randoms you talk to online on forums named Decimator Omega, respects her.
She really has earned my respect, you just don't see many people like this out in the world anymore. It's a rarity.
She is special, I'll give her that for sure. When I haul wood in the summer, she's there with me as well. I'm glad that she's done so well. She is, extremely lucky to be where she is today. The number of chances for things to go wrong and so much worse were, and still are many in number. But, we're all still here, at least. I can only hope what I have doesn't get worse as I get older. Both me, and my sister, inherited some problems. She has her headaches, and her poor vision. I have the very same headaches, and a weak heart. But we've both stuck things out this far right? I know she wouldn't ever give up on me, and I have to try. If not for myself, then at least I can do it for her.
10599
« on: September 22, 2014, 09:39:06 PM »
Aha! Found it. Here we are.  How can I not smile when she can? Haha, this is why I keep going.
10600
« on: September 22, 2014, 09:16:25 PM »
Damn, she has extremely will power.
If anything, the both of us seem to have inherited one good thing. Stubborn to the bitter end. Gimme a second here, digging up something.
10601
« on: September 22, 2014, 09:10:17 PM »
I've been doing a lot of thinking today Flood. And I realize something I've been missing. Something I'd forgotten, as I'd grown semi comfortable with all these years. My one reason. The sole reason I wake up every morning, and continue to beat my head against this endless wall of troubles, and my own vices that are pulling me along on strings.
This something, this reason, is a person. My better half. My sister. I'd like to tell you her story, because of all the people that deserve to have someone talk about them, and perhaps listen, it's her. Most of all, I'd like to remind myself of why I keep going. Why I wanted to, at least. She never asked for what life handed her. But all the same she got it anyway. So, here we go.
My sister was 10 by the time I was born. And even by then, she'd gone through a hellish childhood. She was born with relatively poor vision, and donned those ancient, thick, goggle like glasses that folks used to wear. Mistakes that the doctor made early on landed her with the wrong kind of glasses, and over the years, it only damaged her eyes further.
And, once, she had crooked teeth. Braces fixed it, but again, at a cost. The braces gave her crippling headaches, which in turn put strain on her optic nerves, damaging her eyes even more.
And, naturally, my sister, being shy, quiet, and wearing goggle glasses and braces, was a target. And she was defenseless. Kids, in their unthinking cruelty, mocked and teased, with no end in sight. And the more vicious ones did more. Threw basketballs and footballs at her. Tripped her, kicked her down, broke her glasses.
Was it any wonder why she never finished school?
By the time I was five, it was just me, her, and my mother. The two of us witnessed my father, one night, after one of many arguments, lash out and break my mother's jaw. This left it's mark on me for years. Nightmares every night, long after my father was gone. I was too young at the time to recognize what was going in with my sister, but she was always there for me. I'd wake up in the night, terrified. And she'd lead me along to the couch, sit me down, and we'd stay up and watch TV all night until we fell asleep.
But, being a dropout, and partially blind, she had no future. And it took it's toll on her. Depression set in, just like it has for me in the past and right now. Self inflicted harm, and when things were the worst, a noose.
The years after this, are one long, bad memory. But despite this, my sister managed to recover. Even grow and overcome things. And through it all she was there for me. And as I grew older, I became her best, and only friend. But, everything ends at some point or another.
In her early 20's, after years of troubles plagued us, my mother's fighting with men and her own issues, my sister took a backpack, and left. She hitchhiked across Canada, two provinces over. And it was there that she found her husband. And, for some time, things were going well. For once in her life, something was looking up.
And then the headaches came. Powerful, crippling headaches. Painful headaches that were so bad that she had to be taken to the hospital, and put on morphine. And the doctors found out what it was. Headaches that were affecting and putting enormous amounts of pressure on her optic nerves. And, they acted. Gave her drugs to treat it. But the doc that gave the drugs gave the wrong kind. And it was only years after that we learned about it.
My sister lost her vision because of it. One eye, completely dead. If you close one fully, and keep one of your eyes open by less than half, that is the effective vision of my sister today. And despite her husband's efforts in court, they lost.
But my sister continued on anyway. She had a baby with her husband. And she lives on a farm, oh so far away from my little town. She hauls firewood, navigates the house and area around it, cooks, cleans, and goes so far beyond what her limited vision allows.
This is my sister. Never once, in my life, have I ever heard her complain about any of it. Never once, has she said anything ill of mind towards what happened. And despite her vision, she keeps going. Raising her daughter alongside her husband, and taking each day as it comes.
Of every person I've ever met in my life, my sister was the only one I could trust, absolutely. Of all the people I've seen, met, and passed by, my sister never once betrayed me, hurt me, or did anything to harm me.
But I did. I failed her. And I work everyday in the hopes that I can make up for it. She is stern and hard when she has to be. But she never said anything to me, other than the fact that she understood, and she forgave me. But all the same, I will make up for my mistakes.
My sister is peaceful, content, caring, and most of all, braver than I could ever hope to be. But she can't do everything by herself. And that's why I still get up in the morning. Because I hope, that in the future, I can give her what life never did.
She never asked for the life that was given, but she took it anyway, and against all odds, she did it. I can only hope that in the future, I can emulate the wonderful person that she is. Most of all, I hope I'm there to hold things up when life will no doubt, come knocking on her door once more with bad news.
10602
« on: September 22, 2014, 08:12:17 PM »
Fuck em' Charlie. Their opinions don't matter. They aren't in your life, and they can't change your life. If they're supposedly so upset about things, then they can come on over and see you personally.
But they won't, because they're a bunch of half-wits caught up with the mobs. And if they ever do show up, you show them what you do as a dad and then tell them to get the fuck out of your family's life.
10603
« on: September 22, 2014, 07:38:39 PM »
Good lord. Steam. That seems so far away. Haven't even paid attention to it in what feels like a million years.
God damn, I should do some TF2. Mulching people with christmas heavy or punching them to death while carrying the name Mgubbins, Fister of Things is quite relaxing. One day, one day.
10604
« on: September 22, 2014, 07:32:46 PM »
Thou shall read what thou creates. Here here!
10605
« on: September 22, 2014, 07:31:14 PM »
I wish. Cars get fucked up on the roads around here pretty bad.
1992 Ford Ranger.
Obligatory Found On Road Dead
Fix Or Repair Daily
10606
« on: September 22, 2014, 07:27:48 PM »
Didn't contribute to this yet. Here you go OP. The best smile I can currently manage, just for you.
10607
« on: September 22, 2014, 06:27:40 PM »
lol. one of you goofballs skipped questions.
Well what the fuck am I supposed to put? No Canada, no (CST) to pick from? Amateur work I say!
10608
« on: September 22, 2014, 05:35:46 PM »
MFW no Canada
10609
« on: September 22, 2014, 05:11:43 PM »
It all comes down to three things.
1. The power of choice.
2. The power of your preference for things.
3 Your god damn privacy, you do what you want with it.
10610
« on: September 22, 2014, 05:08:36 PM »
Not an option Charles. All I've ever had with cousins was shitty times.
That's a negative.
10611
« on: September 22, 2014, 01:08:31 PM »
I never understood the "check your privilege" thing. That phrase doesn't even make sense.
I agree.
10612
« on: September 22, 2014, 11:08:43 AM »
Everything starts collapsing in on itself. At first there's emotions, frustration, anger, self pity, and then comes not-caring. You get tired of things. You look at the state of it all, and you're just, tired. You want it all to stop and end. And then it does. Everything gets wittled down piece by piece, until there's nothing left for you but, as I said, death itself.
Yup :l
I've been down that road, but I managed to break off the path courtesy of a Psychologist and a NaSSA prescription >.> I really don't want to go back to the way I was, but it wouldn't surprise me if there is a relapse further down the line.
I really would recommend going to see someone, if you haven't already, because there just isn't a way to beat it on your own.
The last time I faced it, I did. I got up, on my own, and did things by myself. I had no one else to do things but me.
But this time is different. It's too fast. Believe me, I've considered it. But my province has an issue of distance. And another problem. We don't have people who can help with that sort of thing. In our entire province, there are literally 12 people who specialize in that sort of thing. 12. And they're overworked, over tasked, and most of all, too far for me to reach.
Whether I like it or not, I have no choice but to do what I've always done. Do it myself, and alone.
Damn :l
Sorry to hear that, it's such a frustratingly common occurance for there to only be a handful of MHPs to cover vast areas/populations. *sigh*
What about your GP/Family Doctor? They are usually able to help with this sort of problem to some degree, even if they aren't fully specialised in it. They can usually do an assessment or organise one and then prescribe a medication as a trial run, it could help take the edge of things at least.
No family doctor either. This town has only one doctor. And he's overworked completely. Afraid he doesn't have much time to sit down and talk. If I booked him in, chances are I'd have to wait for a month or two before I got in. And I've been down that road before. I tried the pills. They buggered things up. But I always have one last line. If I fall far enough, I still have enough common sense to call someone who can talk me out of things. One person who I can listen to clearly no matter how skewed things are. If I fall far enough, I'll call them.
10613
« on: September 22, 2014, 11:01:01 AM »
I think I can understand why they were cut.
It is a good concept though. If ever done right, it could create an opening for another unique enemy in the Haloverse. The Promethians have a lot of windows open for them, and by extension, the Covenant have some too, but of them all, because Hunters can assemble into just about any form they please, there's a lot of opportunity there.
10614
« on: September 22, 2014, 10:56:08 AM »
Everything starts collapsing in on itself. At first there's emotions, frustration, anger, self pity, and then comes not-caring. You get tired of things. You look at the state of it all, and you're just, tired. You want it all to stop and end. And then it does. Everything gets wittled down piece by piece, until there's nothing left for you but, as I said, death itself.
Yup :l
I've been down that road, but I managed to break off the path courtesy of a Psychologist and a NaSSA prescription >.> I really don't want to go back to the way I was, but it wouldn't surprise me if there is a relapse further down the line.
I really would recommend going to see someone, if you haven't already, because there just isn't a way to beat it on your own.
The last time I faced it, I did. I got up, on my own, and did things by myself. I had no one else to do things but me. But this time is different. It's too fast. Believe me, I've considered it. But my province has an issue of distance. And another problem. We don't have people who can help with that sort of thing. In our entire province, there are literally 12 people who specialize in that sort of thing. 12. And they're overworked, over tasked, and most of all, too far for me to reach. Whether I like it or not, I have no choice but to do what I've always done. Do it myself, and alone.
10615
« on: September 22, 2014, 10:49:58 AM »
I base my social views off of my experiences. And, as I grew older, I watched people, studied them. Compared them to what I had experienced, and then eventually drew my conclusions.
As for political, as far as I'm concerned, I don't really care. Men signing papers a province away mean nothing to me when I'm the one who has to go out there and make the wheels turn. The only thing I watch out for is related to money. Changes that those far away men make on paper, that will affect the cost of things. But everything else, every decision they make otherwise, means nothing.
10616
« on: September 22, 2014, 10:35:32 AM »
Yeah I don't get it. Unless it's some sort of mental disease and changes the balance of chemicals and doesn't allow you to feel certain feelings or any at all, seems like a bunch of babies.
Because I've lived through a lot of shit, and I've never felt like that. I just don't understand it.
The shortest answer I can give over this, outside of getting off my ass and finishing the second thread on depression which is supposed to help clear things up >.>, is the following.
For some people, they are born with a predisposition to depression. This is where the biological/genetic factors come in as a primary cause, it's not like you will be born miserable by any means but it is set off more easily than in others.
Same sort of thing with Schizophrenia, but Depression can have many more causes than simply genetics/biology (But it plays a significant role in it).
So if you take someone who is born with that predisposition and throw them through the wringer, then the chances are they will end up with depression. It can also happen in people who aren't born with that predisposition but are thrown through a specific line of shit (Basically not every trial and tribulation has the potential to trigger depression, but I find that it tends to be a sustained pressure that causes it rather than multiple incidents of shite.)
You add so much pressure to the canister that it's at breaking point, but rather than it exploding as you would expect (Going postal etc) the top flies off and all the pressure vanishes leaving a void. That void is what sucks you in and keeps you there until you can break out of it yourself, but by yourself it's pretty much impossible - Hence the need for help with a lot of people.
I know that's not exactly brief but it might clear things up a little, and I'll start actually working on Part 2 rather than procrastinating for 6 months again >.>
Everything starts collapsing in on itself. At first there's emotions, frustration, anger, self pity, and then comes not-caring. You get tired of things. You look at the state of it all, and you're just, tired. You want it all to stop and end. And then it does. Everything gets wittled down piece by piece, until there's nothing left for you but, as I said, death itself.
10617
« on: September 22, 2014, 10:28:01 AM »
Breast milk in my coffee, hold the coffee.
That reminds of something I bumped into a while back. Funny.
10618
« on: September 22, 2014, 10:19:09 AM »
I didn't mean someone who's in a position like you. You have every reason to be depressed.
My point is, there's these kids that have a great life and are "depressed". I don't think they really are and they're probably doing it for attention.
And apart from this discussion, I've felt what you're feeling. I've been in that financial gutter. I had the same thing happen in my youth. Stick it out man. I'm still here, you're gonna be here too. It's just not even about optimism, because I know what that looks and sounds like when you're feeling like this. It's just the inevitability. Maybe so. A lot of society has that today. People faking cancer to get money over the internet. Those fake SJWs and their "triggers." But depression affects everyone differently. Some will react in different ways. Most of all, with depression, it's important not to take lightly. If somebody says they're going to off themselves, you take it seriously, no matter who and what they are. And if they're faking, they'll get in shit. A few months ago, I stumbled into a thread with somebody asking for help. They said they had somebody on their end of things who was threatening to commit suicide. I won't let names out, but Psychologist was there. He gave me a hand with things. Long story short, I called the police, since the guy on the other end was in Canada, and we got the neccessary information and I gave it to the folks in Nova Scotia. Was that person suicidal, and depressed? Maybe not. But if they weren't, they'll pay for taking advantage of that, no doubt. So to those that fake it, play their game, and spring the trap on them.
10619
« on: September 22, 2014, 09:27:59 AM »
Yeah I don't get it. Unless it's some sort of mental disease and changes the balance of chemicals and doesn't allow you to feel certain feelings or any at all, seems like a bunch of babies.
Because I've lived through a lot of shit, and I've never felt like that. I just don't understand it.
Then allow me to explain. I could tell you all about my first depression. But I won't. I'm going to tell you about this one, that sits with me, here and now. Some sensible part of me is still knocking around, and I'll do my best to explain things. Fall is a bad month for me. The lighting, and the weather, the smell, and the way everything looks gets me down. Usually, I'm okay with this until winter rolls in. It's what I call an outside depression. It's environmental, not internal. But lately, I've had one bad thing after another happen. I appreciate life. And I try to remain optomistic. But sometimes, under everything, you struggle to. Challenger, I'm a few steps away from being in the financial shitter. I mean, a month or less and my house and work residence will be seized because debts are climbing faster than we can pay them, and popping up when more things go wrong. And I'm trying my best. But it's not enough. I'm caught. But that isn't the point here. The point is, I'm going through what I went through several years ago. And despite how familiar I am with this, it's beating me. Depression, from a logical standpoint, by all means should come from a chemical inbalance in your brain. It has to have a central, physical root. But it doesn't feel like that. It feels like, an outsider, inside of you. Always there, always watching, and always dissecting things, so that it can turn them around on you. Did you know, that I'm aware that I'm depressed? I can see where I'm going, I can see what's coming, and despite me trying to change or prepare for things, I can't fight it. It's like beating your head against a wall. My emotions are going around me on strings, a vicious cycle now. You say it seems like "a bunch of babies." I've gone through a horrible life. I've seen my fare share of bad things. And let me tell you, all that is irrelevent to me. You aren't sad over anything. You're sad, because you're sad. That's how it starts out. But as time goes on, you start to turn on yourself. Right now, I'm angry. I'm angry that despite my best efforts, I can't change things. I'm angry that the only true way out will destroy me. And I'm angry at people. See, I've been through all this before. And right now, I'm trying to fight it. God am I trying. I'm actually reaching out to people, anybody that will listen. I'm so desperate, that despite my introverted nature, I'm reaching out to any that I can. But it's a mistake. Because when they're not there, I get angry. I ask myself why even bother having all these fucking people around if none of them are even here for me? They don't talk to me, they don't reply to me. I'm just talking to a wall. So I start shutting people out instead. And it goes around like this, with everything. Everything I do, goes out there, and comes back around at me. I went for a walk a few nights ago. I almost climbed up the old radio tower that I used to, when I was in deepest. But I decided not to. So I sat, on the edge of my town, on the edge of the last lamp post, and looked out into the dark. I wanted to walk off into it. I just wanted to leave, and see how far I could make it. And now I realize how far I've fallen in a few short weeks. I'd like to explain something to you, about what happens when you're in the deepest parts of depression. When you're so down, and everything is grey, lacking feeling and point, one thing exists. One last thing exists. Death. At that point, death is a song. A call. But it's more than that. It's the only thing with colour. It's the last, great mystery. The wonder, and promise of what could potentially lie on the other side, something better, something beyond this grey world and a life of yours that's useless. And if it's not, you still win. You go to sleep, and you never wake up. It's inviting. It embraces you. And this, left its mark on me. I'm fascinated by death. But I know I have to be extremely careful, because of how vulnerable I am right now. My point to all this challenger, is that depression does not choose people. Anybody can fall into it. It doesn't matter your position in life, who and what you are, and who and what you've seen. When it arrives, and takes a hold of you and starts feeding off your vices and doubts and insecurities and rage, it doesn't matter if you've "seen some hard shit" or the hardest thing you did this morning was polish your nails. It doesn't matter. Becuase it will destroy you. I want you to think about this. Right now, as I type this, there is a rational side to me. It's still here. I can smile, I can take joy from things. I even know that I'm depressed. I'm trying to fight this and I thought that I could because I've seen and been through all this before. And right now, right alongside me is that piece of darkness hovering right over my shoulder. I want to delete this post because it sounds stupid. I'm sitting here, right now, and I know that I'm depressed. And there's nothing I can do. I can smile and laugh all I want, but by the end of the day, I'll have slipped further. Because when you're depressed, you just do. You fall despite everything. You fall, simply because. And to be honest, I'm terrified. I can see what's coming every step of the way. And I'm fighting my hardest not to let things fall apart. But it's like trying to stand up and walk against an avalanche. I'm fighting to keep everything together and it falls apart, just because it can. That's what depression is.
10620
« on: September 22, 2014, 08:25:42 AM »
I'm 15 why would I play with a bunch of paedophiles??
So that one of those "so called pedophiles" that you speak of could mow your ass down in a Banshee while the australians cheer on the sidelines.
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