T4R

I'll go first, I suppose.

So there I was, PvPing in Dark Souls 2 at Iron Keep, shitting on people with pyromancy. Well, lo' and behold, the most generic, meta, copy/paste mage invades me right as I'm about to put down my dragon sign. The dude's in Lion Mage gear, is using a Crystal Magic weapon buffed Ice Rapier, and comes charging at me courageously. Well, for some of you guys I fought you'll know my pyromancer isn't just any old pyromancer. No, his true purpose is to be as anti-mage as possible and as draconic as possible, so basically Kalameet. With a little help from my buddy Iron Flesh, I become ridiculously tanky against any magic or dex weapon.
     Continuing the story, our hero Mr. Mage, comes charging at me ready for for what he perceives is an easy victory, but little does he know I had Iron Flesh active. He pokes me with his seemingly OP weapon, but is shocked when it barely damages my healthbar. He furiously continues to stab me, and I continue to let him just to show he invaded the wrong guy. I smash him with my Black Dragon Warpick and take out a decent chunk of his health. What does he do? He runs into the keep in fear of my defense. I just spam "Welcome" as he runs away.
     Mr. Mage comes back after a minute, fully healed, this time with a dark buffed Chaos Blade, another cheese weapon. Once again, I laugh at his pathetic damage and bust his ass some more with my warpick. He retreats yet again, this time coming back with the hexes out. I let him spam Great Resonant Soul with my shield up, snickering all the while at his piss poor damage. Out comes the Dark Fog from his staff, but it's no match for my 99 poison moss. He's getting really desperate at this point, and runs down to the lava platforms to try to bait me down there. That ain't me.
     There he is, on the platforms for a good two minutes. I just stand up on the bridge spamming "Welcome." At this point I'm in tears from laughter, so seeing he was out of range of spells and would take a bit to get back to me, I decide to mess with him with some good old fashion taunt messages. Here's the conversation, word for word.

Me: "Pathetic"

Mr. Mage: "not with that iron flesh pothetic loser"

Me: "Nice spelling there, bud. Hey, aren't mages supposed to be intelligent?"

At this point I think I finally got to him, because he jumps to his death into the lava.

Me: "See ya, nerd."

Mr. Mage: "nice ur dumb copying utubers faggot"

I don't know what the hell he's babbling about. I don't really watch any youtubers.

Me: "Once again, intelligence?"

Got 'em.

TL;DR: Scummy mage got what was coming.


Alright, my Flood buddies, tell me your stories.

Some of my best memories were the fights I got into with people after games in Reach/H3.

I played this game of Reach at my girlfriend's house, and these 3 clan kids on my team quit almost immediately.  When the game was over, I got a message like "[random edgemaster retard clan name] is recruiting.  Reply to this message for details."

So I replied with "sorry, I only play with people who are good at the game."  The kid flipped out and challenged me to a 1v1 and invited me to his party so he could trash talk the entire time.  I accepted and joined the party, but didn't say anything.

I destroyed him.  It was like 25-3, and he spent the entire match calling me a virgin, no life, fat, probably a 40 year old dude, etc...  When the game was over, I had my girlfriend record a voice message, saying "don't be mad because you got beat by a girl."  I got a voice message back like "....I am so sorry.  And I would have played better if my arm wasn't broken."  Then got a bunch of invites and messages begging me to join his clan. 

I was playing boneyard on reach. The typical ghosts race to scorpion thing happened. Anyways, my teammate rammed the scorpion(an enemy was in it) and it just flew up in the air. I was laughing my ass off. But that was short lived because it came right back down and crushed me.