Was bored in work sitting at my desk and I felt like writing something. Here you go. Never really done anything like this before though.
How Dark Souls Taught Me the Importance of PerserveranceFear is a powerful emotion. It can prevent you from doing things you'd otherwise attempt with no hesitation. You find yourself hesitant to take that leap into the abyss or throw yourself into the gaggle of lumbering hollows lurking around that corner, waiting eagerly to tear you limb from limb. It's that feeling of complete and utter dread that totally takes hold of your mind and stops you dead in your tracks. When faced with such a scenario, you usually have just two options; turn tail and run, or buckle up and bravely press on. Of course I'm talking about Dark Souls here, and how it taught me to take that fear in hand and weaponize it, funnelling that dread into something empowering.
My first playthrough of Dark Souls was by most fans' standards, wrong. Most players will tell you that Dark Souls is best experienced by going in blind, not knowing anything. It makes the experience that much more imersive, not knowing what is going to jump out at you from a dark corner or being blissfully unaware of the amazing weapon you just strolled past without even noticing. It's that feeling of uncertainty and helplessness that really sucks you into the game, the world is as alien and unwelcoming to you, the player as it is your character. You truly feel like you've been dropped in the deep end and the game expects you to swallow your uncertainty and push yourself through.
Moments like the Hellkite Drake's appearance and subsequent roasting of a nearby bridge are spectacles new players are supposed to be wowed by. Already knowing it's coming lessens the impact slightly.
I played the game in 2013, about 2 years after the game's release. I'd heard tales about how (excuse the pun) soul-crushingly difficult it was, about how players had smashed controllers in their rage and how it was 'the new hardest game ever'. That alone was enough to put me off playing for a while. My interest wasn't entirely dampened though, as I was curious enough about the game to often find myself watching tip videos and boss walkthroughs. I was doing everything the fans say exactly what not to do. It didn't feel wrong to me because at that point in time I had resigned myself to never playing the game because it was so difficult. I eventually went back on that thought however, and I did in fact begin playing the game. Of course I'd already seen what bosses were on offer and where to find the hidden items, but that didn't bother me. I was playing Dark Souls and I was going to finish it- or so I thought.
By all accounts, the game was difficult but I think it had been greatly exaggerated to the point where the supposed difficulty that so many outlets and players had touted became almost laughable. The game never once made me want to smash my controller or scream at the wall, at best it caused my heartbeat to quicken and forced me to put the controller down for a few minutes to take a minute while I regained my composure. Sure there were moments of utter bullshit such as the Capra Demon's extremely irritating canine companions, blowdart snipers in Blighttown and being cursed, but as a whole the game had been a fairly standard action-rpg with an admittedly steep learning curve. As it is with most games, you just need to get used to the controls and mechanics. When you've got those down, it's just a case of applying that knowledge to every encounter and keeping your cool without panicking or freaking out. I'm guessing the people who said they stopped playing because it was too hard never bothered to even try learning how to play properly or adapt to the different situations the game throws at you.
The game's marketing sure did a good job in getting the selling point across: THIS GAME IS DIFFICULT. YOU WILL DIE.
At this point I had submerged myself within the rancid waters of Blighttown and emerged victorious after defeating Quaelaag, tackled a pair of daunting gargoyles and braved the dastardly traps of Sen's Fortress. I gaped in awe as the demons carried me to Anor Londo after toppling the colossal Iron Golem and it wasn't long before that feeling of accomplishment dissipated and was replaced with a daunting and horrific feeling;the thought sank in that soon I was going to fight THAT boss. You know the boss I'm talking about, that dastardly duo that awaits you in the cathedral, the gruesome twosome that are responsible for so many deaths and broken hardware.
You know the two. Drake and Josh. Ren and Stimpy. Biggie and Tupac. Whatever you want to call them.
Of course I'm talking about Ornstein and Smough, the two golden wonderboys who guard the cathedral and Lordvessel that lies within. I had heard countless stories about how they were one of the hardest boss fights in gaming, and how many players had tried and failed to conquer them. By the time I'd made it to the first bonfire in Anor Londo that feeling of immense dread was starting to kick in. I managed to chug on, even making it past those awful, AWFUL archers that should probably count as a miniboss themselves. After trying (and failing) to make it past them a handful of times I eventually succeeded in reaching the second bonfire, where I met my good friend Solaire and experienced a moment of brief respite that prior to the horrors that awaited beyond. I knew the boss wasn't too far beyond but still I tried to push the thought away deep into the back of my mind while I made my progress. I eliminated all of the silver knights, opened up the shortcuts and met the kindly Giant Blacksmith yet the ominous feeling of encroaching fear grew even more intense with each step I took within the abandoned cathedral. At last I found myself standing outside the fog door, knowing exactly what was on the other side waiting for me. The feeling of dread took hold of me completely and I stopped playing entirely. I just gave up. Despite the hours of stress, joy, tears and accomplishment I had endured up to this point, it all ended right then and there. I had heard so much negativity about Ornstein and Smough that they caused me to just give up on the game.
Get ready for the slam dunk special, with an extra help of
fuck you.I felt a mixture of shame and self loathing, I had come this far only to stop myself purely out of fear that I'd never be able to get past the roadblock that stood in my way. I hung my head in shame, leaving Lordran behind as I made my way in life without really thinking about it that much.
It wasn't until months later, when one of my housemates decided to play it and I felt encouraged to pick the game back up. My progress throughout the game was more of the same, encountering difficulty and ease in the same place as before. I knew that eventually I would have to face Ornstein and Smough, and I kept that thought in my mind the entire time. This time, I would do it. This time, I would fight them and win. I braced myself for endless pain and suffering as I stepped through that fog for the first time, prepared to face them head on. Of course I died, it's to be expected as I hadn't fought them before. I died again after that, this time getting a better feel of the battle. If I could wait out their combos and get an opening to land a few blows, I'd have a shot at winning. I dodged precise spear thrusts, ducked in and out of heavy hammer swings and fought the bloody battle until the very end, finally defeating the dastardly pair and breathing a giant sigh of relief at the message appearing on the screen that I had acquired the Soul of Ornstein. I was adamant that I had to beat Ornstein because I love his armor design so much, I just had to wear it. I should also point out that I beat it solo. I know it's encouraged that you fight the boss with a partner, but this was personal to me. These were the guys that stopped me dead in my tracks and I was determined to beat them alone. That victory felt like no other,I was elated. I had succeeded in defeating not only the boss, but also my own insecurities about the game itself.
Pictured above: A perfect visual representation of how it feels to finally beat Dark Souls.
After eventually finishing the game I had to sit back and think about it. The game is indeed difficult, as the marketing has no doubt drilled into our skulls, but it's also an intense learning experience that trusts you to get better and better as you play. It's already been said but the game feels oh so very rewarding when you do finally overcome the game's challenges and emerge victorious. Personally that feeling of victory is far superior to any sword or item you might unlock afterwards. The game didn't hold my hand or give me sympathy when I dropped out in a state of fear, it sat there waiting patiently for me to return and give it another attempt. It almost felt welcoming when I returned for round two and completed it, linking the fire and watching the credits roll. The game taught me that you'll always encounter obstacles that stand in your way and it's up to you to decide to proceed or not. Of course there might be outside sources willing to guide or assist you but in the end it all comes down to you, the player. It's you that has to strap on your boots, grab your weapon and set out on the journey. It's you that has to take those tentative steps into the foreboding environments and progress through. It's you that has to play the game and tell yourself you're going to do it.
And when you do it, you can take nice rest. Go on, you've earned it.
A short essay about how Dark Souls taught me the importance of Perseverance.